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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

stalkery/nasty types online

8 replies

OldFan · 11/01/2023 11:50

Years ago I had a partner who put all sorts of libelous/hurtful stuff up about me online, including under my real name. It was very upsetting as I thought potential friends etc might see it. I think he did it because he wasn't getting as much sex as he wanted.

Now 16 years on I have another random bloke (a past acquaintance from decades ago) posting stuff about me under a misspelling/wrong version of my first name. Thankfully he must not remember my real name. He's done it to lots of other people, too. I'm trying to Christian date so I can't risk having nasty stuff up about me. So I had to change my social media to all be under different pseudonyms rather than my real name.

It's not anything I'm doing, it's about 2 instances over many years.

Just letting off steam really.

If you like, feel free to share your experiences.

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OldFan · 11/01/2023 15:35

I don't think it's just me...😂

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Keyansier · 11/01/2023 16:31

Not being pedantic, but I genuinely don't understand what you mean by you were tying to "Christian date". Do you mean only dating men that are Christian because you are also Christian?

Either way, it sounds like you've suffered. This is the problem with social media: Previously lies and deceit could only be spread via word of mouth but now it can be broadcasted to the world wide web, at any time. You obviously can't change your name,, but if it gets too aggressive, you can report it to the police. I would personally say (if you have one) that your child is in danger from what he's broadcasting, even if they aren't.

OldFan · 11/01/2023 20:59

On Christian dating sites and yes, (hopefully) Christian men. Smile

I'm lucky in that I did happen to change my name about a year ago, so that'll make it harder for him to find out.

He hasn't done anything reportable yet about me (as he hasn't used my full name, and misspelled my first name) though he has about other people. Several people have gone to the police about him. He pauses for a week or so and then starts again. One person did manage to get him to mostly lay off them via the police, so he chose a new main target he's accusing of the same outlandish stuff.

Thankfully I don't have any children. But finding an eligible Christian guy is hard enough in one's mid 40s without stuff like this.

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OldFan · 11/01/2023 21:02

I'm not the main target thank goodness.

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SpanishSalsaing · 11/01/2023 21:08

The Christian dating? Oh, because an atheist would be fine with finding a load of dirty stuff about you online?

Also, that is bad luck for 2 exs to do it. For most people, zero exs do it. What are the odds of that?

Finally, purely out of interest, what websites is this sort of stuff posted on? Does it come up high on Google? Does it?

Montague22 · 11/01/2023 21:25

That sounds awful. I’ve just checked my maiden name and there’s still no one with it on FB. My married name is so much more anonymous thankfully! I‘m not sure if I would actually use my birth name on social media again.

Keyansier · 11/01/2023 23:18

OldFan · 11/01/2023 21:02

I'm not the main target thank goodness.

If you're not the main target, then who is?

He doesn't sound like any Christian I know. The ones I know who are Christian are normally kind people.

OldFan · 12/01/2023 12:05

The Christian dating? Oh, because an atheist would be fine with finding a load of dirty stuff about you online?

@SpanishSalsaing I used to be into occultism and some of the stuff references that and goes on about evil stuff we've supposedly done (we haven't) as part of occult rituals. So yes, I can assure you that a lot of Christians will be more bothered about that side of it than the average person, and also more likely to fall for it due to their assumptions about the occult.

Also, that is bad luck for 2 exs to do it. For most people, zero exs do it. What are the odds of that?

So for instance if a woman's had a couple of abusive relationships, I like to think you wouldn't think that was somehow due to something she's done. Shit happens. Nowadays there's more use of the internet, so it's more likely than it would've been to happen as part of abusive relationships or stalking.

Finally, purely out of interest, what websites is this sort of stuff posted on? Does it come up high on Google? Does it?

When I had the first bloke do it on one site, it came up on the first page of google for my real name. So if this shady bloke knew my full name, it could well come up for that too. And it mentions the city I live in, so it'd be clearer it refers to me rather than someone else with my name.Either way, I don't want to risk that happening. The first incident and how prominent it was on searches was very distressing.

If you're not the main target, then who is?

Confused Other people. Obviously I wouldn't want to go into that much detail on here or he would use this as part of what he's doing.

He doesn't sound like any Christian I know. The ones I know who are Christian are normally kind people.

He's not a Christian. I'm into Christianity now but wasn't until about the last year.

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