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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mad at friend

18 replies

twospecialgirls · 04/02/2008 22:32

he has been my dp best friend since they were 5 and he has been my close friend since age 14 and so we have all kind of grown up together he comes round for dinner couple imes a week and me and dp go on at him bout getting a gf as it would be nice to go out as foursome and stuff in a nice way

just found out today that he has been seeing soemone for 7 months and never told us we had no clue aibu to be a bit narked i think he should have told us even if he didnt want us to meet her yet !! its a bit odd to keep it a secret dont you think

OP posts:

NoBiggy · 04/02/2008 22:39

Up to him. Probably kept it to himself because you "go on at him". I'd do the same if I thought people would make it their business when it isn't.

MightyMoosh · 04/02/2008 22:46

you may think its gentle teasing about a GF but he may see it otherwise! if you both ;go on' at him then its reasonable to want to hide it till he's sure- to avoid further teasing!

bookwormmum · 04/02/2008 22:51

maybe he wanted to keep it quiet for a bit? Doesn't mean he doesn't want to be friends anymore. She might have heard the teasng and thought she was there to make up the numbers .

MotherFunk · 04/02/2008 23:06

Message withdrawn

mrsruffallo · 04/02/2008 23:14

Maybe he was scared you would frighten her off with all your talk of foursomes

Chequers · 05/02/2008 08:32

Message withdrawn

edam · 05/02/2008 08:35

I imagine he didn't tell you precisely because you keep having a go at him. Just be pleased for him and don't interfere.

Wisteria · 05/02/2008 08:37

YABU - I'd hate it if someone was always going on at me to 'get a girlfriend/ boyfriend'.

Had you not put so much pressure on him in the first place he probably would have been able to tell you but chose not to so you wouldn't be permanently on his case about it.

dal21 · 05/02/2008 08:45

YABU - dont be upset with him. I have dated people in the past and they havent entered my close social circle.

Maybe he is waiting to see where this relationship goes - it sounds to me as though if he had introduced her to you - she would have been bought into your intimate fold and he obviously doesnt want that. Because if the relationship doesnt go anywhere and you get on well with this girl - it complicates things.

I wouldnt say it is a sign of how close you arent, but more a sign of how close you are. Once he intros her - you can be pretty sure she is a keeper.

Lulumama · 05/02/2008 08:49

maybe he is gay

and does not want to tell you as you are always banging on about him having a girlfriend

you have been putting pressure on him to date and to go out as a foursome, maybe the poor chap wanted to see his boy/girlfriend as a couple without any pressure from you?

i think YABU, this is not something to be mad about

you should be asking yourslef why he kept it a secret for 7 monnths

Original poster

twospecialgirls · 05/02/2008 21:17

ok im not a mad nagger who goes on at him all the time and i didnt mean my thread to sound like that it would have been fine if he had said he had met someone but didnt want us to meet her yet no probs i just mean to blatently lie for 7 months seems odd
and i found out today the reason he met her on a dating website and was embarrassed by that ! told him there was nothing to be embarrassed about and that we were really happy for him and he said he felt really bad that he didnt say anything that he should have or at least just not lied
so all is no good in the land of friends !

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 05/02/2008 22:01

i think he needed time before bringing her into that cosy little land of 'going out as a foursome' you mention. Takes a while before you're ready for all that sometimes. It can be a pressure on a new relationship and I guess he wanted time to be a couple first

Original poster

twospecialgirls · 06/02/2008 19:56

HG i think you are right i do think thats what it was xx

OP posts:

Mungarra · 06/02/2008 20:36

My sister kept her marriage secret from our mother and me and our other siblings for A YEAR! When she got married, she was half living with our other sister and half with the boyfriend and she didn't even tell the sister she was living with that she was sneaking off to City Hall to get married.

Some people are just secretive. When she finally told us, she told me that she kept it secret because 'it could have been a big mistake' and she told us when she was sure that it wasn't. They've been married 7 years now and have 3 kids.

beeper · 06/02/2008 21:09

Jealous maybe????

Original poster

twospecialgirls · 06/02/2008 22:07

who me !!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Original poster

twospecialgirls · 06/02/2008 22:09

no way jelouse love my dp to bits and am very happy just didnt understand why thats all thought it was odd to keep it a secret for so long

OP posts:

micegg · 07/02/2008 15:08

I had a friend do this and I was upset as well. It felt a bit disloyal in a weird type of way and made me fell bad as I couldnt work out why she wouldnt have told us. Sounds stupid I know but thats how it felt. After a while I realised she had her reasons and we are all entitled to say what we like.

I reckon the GF comments may have something to do wth it in this case. Either that or he just liked to keep it to himself. who knows. Hes told you now so that's that really.

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