...to expect a bit of help from my partner

[beth2907]

My partner works 4 night shifts a week, 6.30 until 5.00am Friday to Monday. Tuesday to Thursday/every other Friday he has his daughter from a previous relationship. Every Friday I get up with his daughter and our new baby so he can sleep in as he has work (I was doing this before baby arrived also).

Baby is now 9 weeks old, and every day and night I do everything for her. He occasionally helps with feeds around 6am when he’s back from work if she wants feeding at that time, but otherwise it’s me. I feel like he was a bit better in the beginning but useless now.

He went away this weekend to a family function, overdid it and has been suffering in bed feeling sorry for himself since Sunday evening. I feel exhausted and asked him to do babies 2-3am feed. This ended in an argument and me staying in the spare room. He did do the feed, after waking me and telling me I needed to do it as it was 6am, and he’s stayed up until 2-3 as that’s when I said. I said going off 4 hourly it would have been, it’s not my fault she went back to sleep and turned back over to go back to sleep myself. Hes also told me I’m a bad mother multiple times. I don’t get how I could be, I do my best every day and always prioritise baby before anyone including me obviously. I just needed some sleep

There’s so much more I could add but I’d be here all day I think!

It isn’t ‘help’ you need but an actual partner. A partnership is where the roles might be different but everyone pulls their weight. He sounds like an absolute dead-weight. And an abusive one at that.

Why are you with him? What was the agreement about division of labour when you decided to have a family?

So if I told you that this is how it’s going to be, what would you do ?

I get incensed when I read posts like this!!

He's a selfish twat. Look after only yourself and YOUR child NOT his child from his previous. Don't do anything for him at all, you've no energy as you're spending all your reserves looking after baby.

Don't fall for the "you're a bad mother" rubbish..your hormones are in bits, you're exhausted, and you've got the 'pleasure' of living with a man child, who cannot see that he's "a bad father"

You sound worn out and worn down. This is only temporary, baby will get a better routine, you'll get a little bit more sleep, you'll get used to it.

Please stop doing stuff for him, look after you and your baby

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have something quite similar and finding it tough. He does the bare minimum yet when he does something he acts like he's dad of the year and knows everything.
You're doing an amazing job, keep going and don't listen to his nasty comments. You're strong and he's a lazy