To be hurt colleague bitched about me?

[SunsetsInVenice]

I know what everyone will say. That colleagues are not your friends and you should keep them at a distance but I thought this one was different. We have shared a lot of personal stuff and so I was really hurt when another colleague told me that I had been bitched about by this woman all because she thought I was being off with her. I wasn't at all and even if she felt like that, aibu to say she should have come to me personally and asked ?

How do you know the other colleague isn’t just stirring?

She just isn't the type to stir anything up.

But she just did.

I'd be wary of the pair of them.

To be honest yes I probably would be hurt, but then stepping back and being objective I'm almost certainly guilty of what could be classed as 'bitching' or at least moaning in a moment of frustration about colleagues that I generally consider friends, so I'd try and let it go.

In this situation, I'd first ask myself what the "other colleague" got from telling you?

In the book Games People Play, Berne, the author talks of a psychological games called Let's you and him fight.

Most of us complain about our friends at times, I know I do. It's usually a passing feeling that quickly goes away. It's really not worth raising it with person concerned as it would hurt my friends and do nothing to solve what is, anyway, a swiftly passing fancy.

If I weigh up my tiny little niggles with my friends (This one is often late for meetings, this one seems to enjoy bad health ect) and compare them to their good points (the late one is very compassionate, the one with a touch of I'll health is always there for friends and family) there is no contest, their good points far, far outweigh these little niggles.

The mistake your friend seems to have made, is in articulating her annoyance to someone untrustworthy

My honest advice is to leave it.

If the other colleague wasn't a stirrer, she wouldn't have told you this, even if it was true.

Just be friendly to your colleagues and this will all be forgotten by next week. No drama needed.

Was it "Op is really horrible, she's always making my job awkward and I know she finished off the last of the office Christmas biscuits" or was it "do you know if I've done anything because OP seems off with me?"

Because the latter could be done from a position of concern and wanting to make things better, rather than trying to be nasty.