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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Night out after social meet up

11 replies

Dramalam · 10/01/2023 18:41

I honestly don't know if I am being unreasonable with this. I have had a date booked in the dairy for old friends who I haven't seen for a while to visit to see my DC and then go on to have lunch for the afternoon in my home town. I've really been looking forward to having a nice time catching up and enjoying some nice food and a drink or two in the afternoon/late evening. Im not planning on getting drunk.

My husband has now announced today that he wants to go to his friends in the city an hour away for the evening/overnight that night. He said he has just been reminded that it is his friend's birthday (would never have given it a second thought otherwise) and he wants to celebrate.

So this would then mean I can't drink at all at our lunch as I would have both children all night. The most annoying part of it I feel though is that it just takes the whole edge off the day. Instead of a relaxed lunch with no time limit it would change to me having to get back by a certain time so he can go out drinking.

I don't know, I don't want to sound like a boozer but sometimes you want to be able to enjoy an afternoon with old friends without a deadline and then have to cover the night with two children (one of which is still only 1 so night wakings common).

He doesn't understand my frustration. Thinks I get my time in the day so he should have his time overnight.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 10/01/2023 18:57

Yes, this would take the shine off my day especially if it's something you don't get to do often. The moments gone now but I would have been inclined to say...Oh I'm not sure what time I'll be back. Who's having the kids if you're out at 7?"
I wouldn't have an issue with being responsible for children even though I'd had a drink as I don't get drunk. My bisque would be having to commit to being home for a specific time.
Is there anyone who could have the kids? I'm not asking you, I'm asking him

JudgeRudy · 10/01/2023 18:58

My bisque? Strangest typo ever. My problem!

alwaysthepessimist · 10/01/2023 18:58

Your plans were made first, he needs to sort a babysitter in case you aren’t back if he wants to go out.

simple

DuplicateUserName · 10/01/2023 19:00

alwaysthepessimist · 10/01/2023 18:58

Your plans were made first, he needs to sort a babysitter in case you aren’t back if he wants to go out.

simple

Exactly this.

Original poster
Dramalam · 10/01/2023 19:58

Thank you for your replies, i thought i might be going a little crazy. He has decided he is not going out but definitely making me feel like he has done me a massive favour and i am thinking irrationally!

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 10/01/2023 20:06

I'm a bit confused.

If he wanted to go before you were likely to be back, then he needed to get a babysitter , or to tell his friends he'll join them a bit later "when he gets there" sort of arrangement. Due to your 'event' being in the diary first.

If he wasn't going until later, then I'm not sure why you wouldn't be able to be responsible for the dc after having a couple of glasses of wine with friends over a long lunch ? You've specifically said you wouldn't have been getting plastered, so what is the issue ? Confused

Original poster
Dramalam · 10/01/2023 21:19

UsingChangeofName · 10/01/2023 20:06

I'm a bit confused.

If he wanted to go before you were likely to be back, then he needed to get a babysitter , or to tell his friends he'll join them a bit later "when he gets there" sort of arrangement. Due to your 'event' being in the diary first.

If he wasn't going until later, then I'm not sure why you wouldn't be able to be responsible for the dc after having a couple of glasses of wine with friends over a long lunch ? You've specifically said you wouldn't have been getting plastered, so what is the issue ? Confused

Yeah i know what you are saying. But in the real world im annoyed i can't have a complete worry free afternoon without having to get back by a certain time for my husband to go out for the whole night free night

OP posts:
Roundabout78 · 10/01/2023 21:57

Dramalam · 10/01/2023 21:19

Yeah i know what you are saying. But in the real world im annoyed i can't have a complete worry free afternoon without having to get back by a certain time for my husband to go out for the whole night free night

Show quote history

I totally get it, and I would feel the same. A sense of responsibility lurking on the periphery…it would overshadow my afternoon too.
why are mums always the default childcare 🙄 I’m glad he isn’t going now OP, please don’t feel guilty.

UsingChangeofName · 10/01/2023 22:41

Mums are only the 'default childcare' if you allow it to become that way.

We always worked with 'first on the calendar' when there was a clash. I mean, because we were adults, we would usually talk and see how we could work round it, but if it ended up still being a clash then the 2nd person had the choice of getting a sitter in or not going, or - as sounds possible here - the 2nd person juggling the time a bit.

I mean, I am a fan of a long lunch, but even I would struggle to make it last longer than 5 or 6 hours, which suggests there is plenty of time for him to then go out later.

It really needn't be an issue.

Believ · 10/01/2023 22:46

He doesnt go or he gets a babysitter

Bunce1 · 10/01/2023 22:52

You can defo have a couple of glasses of wine over a lobby leisurely lunch and still be home and able to parent/drive at 7pm surely??

This seems like a non issue

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