Bitchy comment from dd friend

[Jennybeans401]

Dd moved school last term due to bullying. Her teacher feels (as I do too) that she is possibly autistic. She struggles at times with friendships, she tries very hard though.

She's been doing well so far and seems to hang out with two other girls (Year 5). One of them seems to prefer the other girl over dd but they play together mostly.

Today dd seemed confused and a bit worried that they'd been talking about The Greatest Showman'. The girl turned to dd and said yes you look like the bearded lady but without the beard. I thought it sounded a bit bitchy and not so nice! I'm not sure if I should mention it to the teacher? Dd struggles to express herself so can't have a handy retort.

It’s easy to see why bullying is rife when parents act like some of the specimens on this and many other threads.

It was probably a comment on dd weight.
You say she is stout so is she over weight?
You need to get dd to deal with it though with a suitable response to start with.

It depends what type of school it is. If this had happened at my daughters small catholic primary, I would have mentioned it to the Head, because I chatted to her regularly in the playground. And most likely she would have evolved an assembly on the topic of not making personal remarks.

Is there anything wrong in looking like the bearded lady without the beard?

I wouldnt be mentioning this to the teacher. As an isolated comment it means nothing. As part of multiple comments and incidents then it could mean it was a reference to her weight, or that they don't like how her hair looks etc.

But the bearded lady without the beard is a pretty lady.

It's ok to be extra sensitive and protective over your DD, especially if she has been bullied in the past. You are her mum, your job is to protect your children.

I wouldn't go to the teacher about a comment of that description though. It could've been bitchy but it might've not been too. And unfortunately children say nasty things sometimes. As do adults.

I have been so sensitive at times to my DD growing up but would try not to make a big deal around comments like that in front of her, and would rather try to spin it around, something like 'wow have you seen that lady? She is gorgeous and what an amazing singing voice. What a nice thing for her to say...'

I would talk to your DD gently about the world and how some people can say things to hurt her but not to listen to them. I would also just keep an eye on that friend in case anymore is said.

I did read the OP. Having also seen her picture that someone posted, I think she's pretty. But to tell a teenage girl that she looks like a bearded lady (even without the beard) is clearly not a compliment and I'm surprised that so many people on here are brushing off the bitchy comment as one.

But a bearded lady without a beard is just a lady. How is that an insult? Also she’s not a teenager.

Yeah it's mean I think. But I wouldn't go rushing into the school over one comment, which as you can see from this thread is a bit ambiguous in itself. Wait and see if it becomes a pattern.

Was your DD actually upset? My DD is autistic and on occasion she has told me something somebody has said to her, thinking it was funny, and I'm privately thinking crikey that sounds unkind. But it's gone over her head which is a good thing because she won't be reacting to it and inviting more.

It's hard to know either way bullying isn't one incident.

But do consider you have admitted here your daughter shares two characteristics with the actress, build a d hair so it could as quite simply be a passing comment.

Anyone who doesn’t think this comment was unkind doesn’t know Y5 girls 🙄. She was clearly being unkind OP but as others have said I’d let this one slide and just monitor it. I’m so sorry your DD had to endure so much bullying before - it understandably makes you super sensitive.

I think as a one off where you are not sure of the context I would leave it, even if it was mean. Three way friendships can be difficult at that age. I am also wondering if your daughter says things that she sees as 'factual' but could come across as a bit rude at times? I know not every autistic person does but it's quite common. So you may be missing the dynamic of the conversation.

Someone could say a child looks like a stoat, a chair, a clown, a spaceship does not mean they do

I think it would be odd to contact the school everytime a child called another child something

The daughter in the OP attends school so yes, she is a teenager, or younger.

And yes, of course it was intended as an insult.

It says in the op that she is year 5. So not a teenager.

OP I would let this go. You said your dd was confused, can I ask why?

I don't know what Year 5 is but I said she is either a teenager, or younger, as she is still attending school given what the OP wrote. It's still doesn't make it any more acceptable to say that to a younger child than a teenager IMO.

Can you not see that comments like yours where people pretend to play stupid in an attempt to actually just be an asshole, have been done TO DEATH on here now? Stop being such a bore. The only person who looks like a twat here is you for that stupid mean girl comment. Everyone sees through this crap, grow up.

This.

The girl that said it is 10. Just ignore it!

wow. I think you need to take a closer look at who's the mean girl here.

No wow required. I’m certainly not a mean girl, I’m just sick to death of this kind of mean spirited behaviour on here. Too many people acting like total assholes and using the guise of playing dumb as a foil. If you want to act like a bitch for no reason then expect to be called out for it. Let’s not all pretend the poster genuinely had no clue what was wrong or offensive about that comment. This crap gets pulled nonstop on here these days and I’m sick of it. So I said so. It’s just nasty and I said something. I’m glad I did. No mean girl behaviour from me, just calling out a shitty person for a shitty post.

Well even without the beard she's an obese middle aged woman. Probably not the look most little girls are going for is it.

I've been accused of being blunt sometimes which I don't understand but I am completely coming from the same angle as you are here. I don't understand how so many people commented that it was just a light hearted comment and that the daughter shouldn't feel hurt by it. It clearly was intended to be a hurtful comment. As an aside, I HATE The Greatest Showman! I think the songs are annoying and the movie is boring! But unless someone said to me "you look a bit like Zac Efron or Zendaya from that film" I wouldn't be overly impressed or pleased with someone saying I looked like any of the other cast.

The child was more than likely talking about your daughter's weight, you say she is "stout". You also say your daughters hair is similar to this lady. Kids say what they see at 9. Maybe your daughter reminds this child of the bearded lady. She did say "without the beard", I think that is important to note. So maybe your daughters shape and her haor remind this kid of the lady from The Greatest Showman. She's 9 not 13.

BUT in saying that, I can absolutely see how your daughter was upset by it.

I think the wow is necessary actually. You just called someone that you don't know (and so have no idea if, for instance, they are of below average IQ, or, for another example, ND) an asshole, a bitch (horrible misogynistic word), and a shitty person.

You say "Let’s not all pretend the poster genuinely had no clue what was wrong or offensive about that comment." without actually knowing if they did or not.

As, currently, 72% of posters think that the OP IS being unreasonable, I'd say that there are quite a few posters wondering what was wrong with the comment.

Keyansier I agree! Terrible film. Can someone explain why the bearded lady, if she was soooo upset about the beard, didn't just shave it off?