In tears over potential new job. Yes, I'm probably being unreasonable!

[whatjobs]

As the title says..
I've been in my current role for coming close to two years now. The company gave me a huge chance where others wouldn't have.. and for that I feel like I owe them the world! The sector I'm in should have seen me head to Uni and get a degree, but the job I'm in now took me on face value and previous (not much!!) experience, and they have given me a huge opportunity to get my foot in the door and learn on the job.

I've learned now almost everything I need to know within the sector (marketing) and I don't really have any room for progression here. On top of this, the company is struggling massively and have been making redundancies and cuts since Sept last year, so I'm conscious that the business is very unstable right now and may not be here in a few months. Having said that, it could turn around and improve too.. so hard to know what's happening really.
I get on with the team here really well, but the job itself is easy.. it's a bit uninspiring and I feel comfortable here.

I've today been offered a new job following an interview yesterday. I feel like my head is a total mess. I want to go for it, but I'm so scared to jump ship. Im worried I'll regret it.. not like the team so much.. not like the work so much. It's a step up from what im doing. Better job title, better money, more responsibility.

I do suffer with anxiety and I am currently being tested / assessed for ADHD. I struggle greatly with making big important decisions, such as this one.. and I worry about things before they even happen. I am so confused and wish I could just have the decision made for me. Stating put feels safe to me. But the job itself isn't necessary safe here as the company is struggling hugely. Moving feels like a great career move but scares the hell out of me.

I've been a mess about it all day. I know how silly that sounds 🙁🤦🏼‍♀️

I do struggle with my self esteem and realising my self worth, too. I know I'm probably more than capable of doing the new job but just struggle to believe it. I have no self confidence. I do have a therapist who's great and is working through these issues with me. I just hate feeling so pathetic!

Would it help to do a list of pros and cons? Then you can look at it side by side and it could help you make the decision?

Go for it!!!

The company took you on and presumably you rewarded their faith with two years of good work. You don't owe them anything but work you're paid for. If you want to move on, do so without a shred of regret.

Thank you all. I don't know why o feel like I'm so attached to here still. They don't do anything to really go above and beyond, it's just that I work with lovely people. The lady I work closely to in my department has been like a mum to me through various really tricky life events over the time I've been here. Me leaving would mean leaving her alone in the role. And I wouldn't have that kind of figure in my new role either. Just me and another male colleague.

Why am I finding this so hard!

My mental health isn't good at the moment either. Got absolutely no self confidence whatsoever.

How you feel is completely normal. Like you, I was taken on by a company straight from school (after A-levels) and they nurtured me, promoted me and helped me gain a professional qualification that meant I didn't need to spend three years accumulating student debt at uni. And yes, I was also bereft when the time came to leave! It was largely triggered by a combination of guilt for wanting to leave and fear I was making a huge mistake (at the time I was also struggling with anticipatory anxiety, so I only imagined the worst case scenario!). The company was like a comfort blanket and the idea of not going there every day felt so scary. But I did leave – and sobbed at my leaving do! – and I've never looked back. I am so grateful for the foundation they gave me and you will be too. But the fact is your company is struggling and this is an amazing opportunity for you to move on – so seize it with both hands. Good luck!

Also, even if you feel your self confidence is low, you're clearly not projecting it, because the new firm have offered you a job based on your interview! Something to bear in mind.

I can imagine how you feel. I am ashamed to say that one of the reasons I am in my job today is that I am too scared to move - although there is decent progression I am a little bored and know I could make much more elsewhere.

I wish I was braver, as now 13 years in the same company I reckon I've massively pigeonholed myself and if I ever need to find soemthign else I will really struggle.

I guess I am saying, I sympathise, but I hope you can be braver than me!

I can relate a lot to your post. Agree with pp about writing a pros and cons list, but also consider how you actually feel about the job.

Did you get a good vibe during the interview?

Do you think you’ll get more satisfaction from being challenged a bit more?

Does the new company get good Glassdoor reviews?

Thinking rationally, how likely is it that your current company goes into administration?

If the new company called you today and rescinded the offer, would you be disappointed?

I don’t think you owe your current company anything, you’ve been there two years, have outgrown the role by the sounds of it, and are ready for something new! Not to mention the fact that your job might not be safe. Honestly, I’d go for it!

Not silly OP perfectly normal over such an important change. I’m about to move jobs too after 20 years and having some sleepless nights. But I have passed up opportunities before and regretted this so I’m not doing it again. Just based on what you have said the move sounds like a good plan at this point. Writing pros and cons sounds a good way to sort out your feelings. There is always going to be some risk to any decision you make.

I'm in the same boat op. Been at my job 6 years. Comfortable ( too much so) like they job, staff are friends, free parking and only a 15 min drive from home BUT I am in a rut and I need to push beyond my comfort zone. I'm starting a job in 4 weeks doing something different but it's a much better (for me) job in terms of hours and flexibility.

You sound like you feel obliged to them for giving you an opportunity.

The thing is, it suited them to do that. They didn't do it out of the kindness of their heart. You both benefitted from it.

I don't think any modern employers expect people to stay with them forever. They know that people move on because that's what employment looks like now. They'll know you've gone as far as you can with them and they'll know you want more than that.

The uncertainty of the company future gives you a good "excuse" to leave, if you want to.

They may be sorry if you leave but they'd replace you quick enough. Companies rarely have loyalty to their staff.

Of course, you can also say no to the new job and no one will think any worse of you for it.

Good luck with your decision.

Thank you all, there's some really good and helpful points here. I just feel guilty I think.

I've been thinking more about the new role today, and I think it could be a big positive step for me. More money especially in the current climate, would change my life for the better. I struggle to make ends meet at the moment in the wage I'm currently on and am aware it's way under what I could get elsewhere. Xx

You have been chosen, interviewed and selected because YOU are worth it. You're a good employee!!! Go for it OP, and best of luck.

Oh and if you're "comfy" where you are, it's normal to be scared about moving. I've been in my role for almost 6 years. There is a promotion opportunity coming up and I'm scared to apply for it. I'm terrified I wouldn' be able to do the job and I'll regret leaving my safe, non-challenging role.

I'm in the exact same position as you! Love where I work now, however I was offered a new role elsewhere yesterday....massive step up, responsibility, great salary etc.............but I'm so upset to be leaving! Dreading handing my notice in!

Take the new job OP - to me everything you wrote in your post was saying that this is what you really want to do.
The fact that your current employer took a punt on you shouldn’t be a worry here - you’ve repaid them by doing a good job in the time you’ve worked for them and you really don’t owe them anything more.
You say your mental health isn’t at its best just now but you found the confidence to apply for a new job and attend the interview, which obviously went well, so take heart from this and go for it. Staying put is not something you should do just because you get on with the team, and all the more so because the company’s future seems uncertain at the moment. For all you know all your current work colleagues could be looking to move on too.

This is exactly how I feel! I'm so scared they I'll regret talking a leap. But then again it could pay off majorly! Xx

I'm so grateful for everyone's help here. Thank you all so much for helping me to see this in a positive light.

Someone told me once that although we have so much loyalty to where we work.. at the end of the day, we are a replaceable number. And that really makes sense now.

If you stay, on less money, bored, with possibly facing redundancy, because of fear of the new job.....you will never forgive yourself. You just won't. You'll torture yourself for ever and you will have even less self confidence the next time.

Yes, the new job is the unknown, and there is a possiblity you will hate it. But you probably won't. Even if you did, you'd have more money, be gaining experience, and you got that job....you can get another.

Just do it. Better to regret the chances taken than the chances lost.

Fellow ADHD’er here - I do struggle with making decisions too, and the anticipation of change, but once the decision is acted upon/the change has happened, I find that I lack the ability to miss past situations (something to do with ADHD and object permanence…), so having realised that has helped greatly in the decision making process - essentially, you can ignore any emotional attachment you currently feel, it’ll disappear once you’ve moved (if you’re anything like me, that is).

If you are starting to get bored of your job, chances are your performance will dip - we need novelty and challenges! So go for the new job 😊

Congratulations! I stayed in my first job for 15 years because I loved it, they felt like my family and I was scared to move. I finally moved on but I should have done it sooner. I know how hard it is!

Have loyalty to yourself, not your employer.

Which decision could you regret more? Not doing it, and doing it but it doesn't work out? I know which one I'd be doing! xx

@whatjobs did you take the role? How is it going a year on? I'm in a similar position!

They would dump you tomorrow if it suited them . Look after yourself O/P . Give your notice and work it and leave on good terms . They don't own you .