To ask why she keeps cancelling plans?

[Rollercoasterbrunch]

My lifelong best friend keeps cancelling every time we’ve made plans to spend time together, whether it be alone or with other mutual friends.

I’m starting to think she’s trying to shake me off, and it’s getting me down as we have always been close, but seeing her for ten minutes on the school run everyday is not enough to feel a proper connection.

Im not asking for weekly meet ups but just to not be let down when we do have something arranged. Often it’s because she’s tired- even when things have been organised along time in advance.

thinking I should stop arranging thing and see if she bothers.

For context she has a partner and one school age child and I am the same with four.

AIBU- just suck it up -everyone is busy and she does not need to explain herself

YNBU - cancelling is suss- Ask her what her problem is.

Who normally suggests making plans - you or her?

AIBU - yes. Everybody’s busy, life changes, plans change, emotions change and things come up - it’s normal…

She might be feeling really down or anxious but doesn't feel able to talk about it. I would ask her if everything is okay.

@RosetteNebula it’s usually me that suggests a child free proper catch up

If she had covid she could be struggling with fatigue but maybe she feels relaxed enough with you that she thinks you'll be ok with it and understand. Sadly I have found since lockdown a lot of people just don't have the energy for socialising much anymore.

Yeah I'd call her out on it but in a 'is everything ok' sort of way initially. Then step back and see if she comes to you to arrange plans.

Just ask if everything is okay x

I would worry that she is depressed or struggling in some way.

If l ask l usually leave it up to other person to ask next unless there is something special on. Leave the ball in her court for a while and foster other friendships. I did think about anxiety and also wonder what her partner is like about minding little one.

Is she ok? Anxious, depressed?
Struggling financially and embarrassed - can't afford dinner (or whatever) out?
Partner can't be trusted to care for kids - alcoholism issues?

Yep agree with PPs
Leave the ball in her court and arrange coffees etc with others. Ask her if she's ok tho. Could be all sorts going on.

Her partner might be a jerk. Maybe ask if you can pop round there?

It very much depends on what you are suggesting. It might be about lack of time or money, or she’s unwell, or pregnant, or there are issues in her family, or she’s doing an online course, or looking for a job… however it might be that she doesn’t want to be friends with you for whatever reason. It’s difficult to say without details. I would ask her how she is and if everything is ok.

By the way when I’m having hard time with lots of problems it’s easier for me to do last minute meet ups rather then the ones which are planned long in advance.

but seeing her for ten minutes on the school run everyday is not enough to feel a proper connection

It might be enough for her though - or maybe she doesn't want a child-free catch up. I'd ask her if everything was OK, but I wouldn't grill her on why she doesn't want to go out.