Dh continually complaining about not getting a break

[ManGracing]

After a sudden stint at the hospital for ( his mum came to stay , well meaning family/ friends sent home cooked meals ) dh held the fort for our 2 dd - primary and secondary & also working .
after I returned, the following day ( house was a tip) a lot of noise about how he’s been feeling unwell and has had a flare up of his condition. Then he went to bed.
I had to ignore and just go to bed myself.

I’ve been signed off for a further 6 weeks
the kids had holiday where they just sat around me bored/ fighting . I’ve got a cleaner in, and I’ve helped him at the weekend to bulk cook despite being unwell. Previous weekend - New Years - he went out all of Sunday for himself. This weekend is the first weekend in ages he is at home - he’s been moaning he’s so tired - he wants one day in bed - after making sudden plans to go and see his mum suddenly on Saturday, he didn’t want to go out to see my sister ( pre planned ) so was moody all day. Even though he knows I can’t currently drive and was only going to get out of the house first time in the week.

Coming weekend he is going out on Sunday again.
today he had to do the school run before work - it’s a long drive - I told him let me try but I was sick in the morning/ he said he didn’t mind etc
hes come home after the school run moaning and moaning - got into bed next to me how - he’s so tired , he needs one day in bed, knowing I’ve just asked for new painkillers and I’m currently not sleeping.
i asked him how can I help in this situation, I’ve got a cleaner in, I’ve helped him with the cooking, it’s not my fault I’m not well - he started shouting how he’s been telling me he needs a day in bed but he couldn’t get it this weekend and I’m an idiot and it’s not all about me.
i got angry - said to him just leave go somewhere else this weekend - spend the day in bed and go out on Sunday ( as planned)

he’s not tired when it comes to work, or going out with friends , he’s also going out one weekday this week . I don’t care about that.
I feel like he’s jealous of the fact that I’ve been on enforced rest. He’s now giving the kids a bath but obv ignoring me.
Should I hve been more sympathetic?

He doesn’t need a day in bed, he needs a kick up the arse. He basically wants whatever illness you’ve got only without being ill: all the bed/being waited on “perks” only he’s overlooking that you’re actually ILL. What a knobber. Is he a dressing gown of doom type?

He’s a selfish prick who resents having to look after you while your ill.

He’s not the dressing gown of doom type but the subtle way he’s also not 💯 is one that I can’t even pull him up on. He’s a workaholic, anything he does do, he makes a big deal of doing whereas I would have just done it as course. Obviously currently can’t do that.
his best friend has had a close sudden death a few months ago and asked him to go away. But my illness has meant that can’t happen now. Last week He was moaning about how his poor friend has no one and really needed him to go away. And still asked him And now he can’t - obviously me .
I snapped eventually that what could I do in this situation? And what’s the point in telling me this?

todau I wish I could just move out somewhere and be myself

If anything you’ve been far too sympathetic to the bone idle, selfish twat. You’re ill, not skiving - it fucking well should be all about you until you’re on the mend.

If the poor tired lamb still manages to make it elsewhere this weekend in spite of his exhaustion I would take the opportunity to change the bastard locks and tell him not to come back until he can grow the fuck up enough to think about someone else’s needs.

He's being a self absorbed arse. Can you go and stay anywhere? So he can learn the meaning of actually holding the fort?

How old is your primary age child? Can't the secondary age one supervise/wash hair?

"He doesn’t need a day in bed, he needs a kick up the arse."
Agree.

He sounds incredibly selfish and lazy.

He may resent having to do what he considers 'woman's work'...e.g. house chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. . He may see that as wasting his time and energy; instead feeling entitled to days off in bed if he feels tired, and reserving his energy for socialising with friends.

Tbh, you should see this situation of your illness being a blessing in disguise, at least it's opened your eyes to his true nature, and his top priorities in life, which isn't your health and well-being or the kids care needs.

Remember to return the favour of selfishness and laziness, if he ever gets I'll. Write the words down he speaks to you, keep them, and when he gets I'll, speak and act them back to him, word for word, action for action.

Unless you’re really unwell, do any parents get a day in bed? I’d laugh my DH down the street if he said that to me.

So he has to do some wifework and be can’t cope? Diddums.

It’s a well known phenomenon that men often run for the hills when their wives are diagnosed with a serious illness (not saying that’s your scenario of course), which I can’t say surprises me. Why is it so many of them want the image of being a family man, with none of the work?

He's jealous of you like your on holiday relaxing. He is also upset that he isn't getting your attention. Basically he is a selfish, self centred, man child who needs to grow the fuck up and be a partner to his sick wife.

Thank you for the replies. he's gone to bed next to dd now.
ive messaged him but he will
ignore me.
after a few days will act like this never happened .
The shit thing is I’m the one stuck in the house and life’s currently on hold and managers been funny about said time off especially as there will be more.

I agree regarding, how he doesn’t want to use his free time to do anything boring like cleaning/ cooking - but he’s had to ( w en though I’ve actually still helped)

He started on antidepressants a few months ago and probably feeling sorry for himself that I havnt asked him how he’s doing.