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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to have a baby shower when I don't have many friends

18 replies

cloudychance · 09/01/2023 15:48

This is my second baby - but first time round it was lockdown times so I couldn't do anything and I was totally paranoid about catching it while pregnant.

I suffered quite severely with anxiety and my mental health over the last couple of years since becoming a mum and because of that I've lost a lot of friends, through lack of contact or just being left of our group activities with my school friendship group.

I have a couple of people from NCT in my area that I'm still friendly with, plus a wonderful mum and sister - and then two really close friends who live far away but I'm sure would come if given enough notice.

I just don't know if people will think I'm a bit sad not having many people to invite and making a big deal out of it?

I'm still really anxious and often doubt if people really like me or not - and I find social media really tough when I see people having these fabulous celebrations that I just can't do in the same way.

OP posts:

minidancer · 09/01/2023 15:50

A small baby shower will be lovely

MRSDoos · 09/01/2023 15:53

I’m having a smaller, laid back baby shower because this is a rainbow baby and even though I’m anxious I still want to celebrate this little boy. I personally would find it too much having a big to do. I think it’s a lovely idea and even if it’s just at your home, afternoon tea or something like that - you should go for it 😊

Also I understand the anxiety of worrying if people actually like you or not - but try to remember that it doesn’t matter if they do or don’t and having one friend is better than 10 fake friends x

smileyeye · 09/01/2023 15:57

Are your friends/NCT group people that like baby showers?

I think it's worth considering this, as many people really don't like baby showers.

I've been to a couple in my friendship group, I'm not a fan of them but i went as these were very close friends. However I'm aware that some people declined to come as they're not comfortable with baby showers.

nowtherearethree · 09/01/2023 15:57

My daughter had a lovely small baby shower. We had a gorgeous afternoon tea in a barn cafe it was so nice xx

washingmachineheart · 09/01/2023 16:06

Are the social media showers something you’d actually want? They’re very photo friendly but I know I’d personally hate such an orchestrated set up and the expectations that go along with them.

It’s entirely up to you and your friend group how your baby shower looks and it’s an opportunity to arrange something you’ll really enjoy and remember, particularly as you missed out the first time around. I’ve been to baby showers that were small afternoon teas/lunches with table decorations and low-key activities that the mums to be loved, all of which were just a few close friends and family. Definitely not sad at all!

LeafHunter · 09/01/2023 16:16

What would be your reason for having a baby shower? We didn’t have one with DS as we felt we didn’t need people to “shower” us with gifts but we did meet up with people before he was born for coffee/lunch/dinner to celebrate being pregnant and to socialise. I phrased it at “it’ll be so hard to catch up when DS is here, would love to see you now”.

toomuchlaundry · 09/01/2023 16:19

Can't you just meet up with them in a cafe, not have a shower type thing. You don't need to have one

shewolfsout · 09/01/2023 16:20

Do you have any female relatives who would come? I would worry about last minute cancellations.

But equally I've done really small gatherings before, half the people didn't turn up but even so it was a great day for the handful of people that did come, in one case the guests were all late and I was very grateful to have my own relatives there to bolster the numbers and make it a party even if nobody showed. It went on to become one of the nicest afternoons ever in the end though!

Original poster

cloudychance · 09/01/2023 16:40

Yes I don't need a shower for gifts, as we have nearly everything from DD the first time round. I just feel like i never got a chance to celebrate my pregnancy with loved ones last time and I feel like I maybe missed out on some special memories.

I definitely respect a lot of people don't like them though so I suppose id have to take that into account too when people RSVP

I was thinking afternoon tea as a group?

OP posts:

Summer2424 · 09/01/2023 16:42

Hi @cloudychance congratulations on your pregnancy!
No it won't be sad at all! I also don't have alot of friends or family, i always have small get togethers and i just love being around the people who love me ❤
Have a lovely baby shower 🎉 x

PumpkinDart · 09/01/2023 16:43

I went for afternoon tea for my baby shower, had a lovely time, no games just catching up with friends pre baby 🙂

UsingChangeofName · 09/01/2023 16:48

If I were your friend and you invited me to a baby shower, I would decline.

If you were my friend and said "I really fancy an afternoon tea, would you like to meet up?" I'd be getting my diary out there and then to confirm the date.

An afternoon tea can be with just one friend or several - it would not be any "less" for there not being many there. However, if you just invite people to the tea, rather than to a 'baby shower', I expect you'd get more people there anyway.

Believ · 09/01/2023 16:48

Rather than labelling it a baby shower, why not just invite those few people out for afternoon tea and say that you just want a very small gathering as you missed out last time round. An actual baby shower with games etc might feel a little lost on there only being 7 people there.

Or just do a little baby shower at home, and tell them there's only a few of you going to be there but you'd still like to do it.

Don't be worrying about what you see on social media......not everyone's lives are how they make it seem on there!

Original poster

cloudychance · 09/01/2023 16:50

These are really nice ideas, thanks everyone. I think I'll arrange an afternoon tea (as baby will be due around my birthday anyway) as a chance to catch up and also celebrate pregnancy - and then that takes the pressure off!

OP posts:

TreacsPotNoodle · 09/01/2023 16:50

What about a nice spa day or lunch? Saves the hassle of decorating and getting a cake etc!

That's what I plan on doing second time around. I actually found the baby shower quite stressful when I had one😂

shewolfsout · 09/01/2023 16:53

Sounds perfect, I hope you have a lovely day

Yesterdaywasntreal · 09/01/2023 16:58

*'If I were your friend and you invited me to a baby shower, I would decline.

If you were my friend and said "I really fancy an afternoon tea, would you like to meet up?" I'd be getting my diary out there and then to confirm the date.'*

This ^ afternoon tea all of the way, much nicer and intimate.

Hatscats · 09/01/2023 17:02

Meet for food or spa day before baby arrives. Baby showers aren’t needed for number 2 surely!

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