Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Facebook and privacy

48 replies

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 13:56

What's the consensus- is it ok to share posts on someone's timeline that they put as "friends only" with people outside their Facebook friends? Say sharing with a workplace, school, church?

Yabu- Facebook is always public, even if you think you only have trusted friends there, and it's ok for anything you post to be shared more widely

Yabu- if posted to a curtailed audience, it's out of order to share posts outside that audience that aren't yours without the posters giving permission

We're not talking anything illegal, racist, hateful etc.

OP posts:

JenniferBarkley · 09/01/2023 15:12

We can't tell you the answer, because you haven't told us what's happened.

Whatsapp is not social media (nor is MN), it's texting. Sharing a screenshot of a private message isn't great and could be a terrible betrayal depending on the content - or it could just be the quickest way of passing something on. But always good advice to never put anything in writing that you wouldn't want on a billboard.

Likewise if you consider actual social media, MIL proudly showing a few photos of the grandchildren to trusted friends isn't a big deal even if they have come from a private account. But MIL forwarding a screenshot of you discussing an intimate illness and its impact on your sex life, all for a laugh on a public page would obviously be a very different thing. But again, never ever ever put anything on any social media that you wouldn't want on a billboard, because once something is out there you can't take it back.

sometimes12387 · 09/01/2023 15:12

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 15:02

I'm not. I'm someone who feels like I've been betrayed, but been told I haven't, because "all social media is public".

But after such a betrayal, I'm not posting details on social media like Mumsnet! Because then a journalist could pick it up, and my privacy will be even more invaded.

If you have been subjected to this behaviour, you are 100% in your right to feel betrayed. What you can do about it now though? I'm not too sure I'm afraid.

Original poster

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 15:15

Never put anything in writing you wouldn't want to see on a billboard?

Wow, I'm old enough to have written some love letters back in the day- I hope no one like you gets hold of them!

I'm not going to say exactly what's happened, but yes, I've been betrayed (imo). But the betrayer says not, because "all social media is public". I'm questioning myself. Have I been naïve?

OP posts:

sometimes12387 · 09/01/2023 15:23

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 15:15

Never put anything in writing you wouldn't want to see on a billboard?

Wow, I'm old enough to have written some love letters back in the day- I hope no one like you gets hold of them!

I'm not going to say exactly what's happened, but yes, I've been betrayed (imo). But the betrayer says not, because "all social media is public". I'm questioning myself. Have I been naïve?

I think it depends on what has happened Op.

Family photo shared on watts app, then shared by a well meaning proud grandparent on social media - I would be annoyed and tell them I am not happy, please remove and don't share further photos without permission. But I wouldn't hold it against them just explain reasons.

Someone screenshot me moaning about my boss and then taking it into work, bang out of order and spiteful.

Original poster

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 15:29

It's much much closer to the latter of those two options. But not being rude, hateful or critical of the boss themselves, just mentioning their behaviour.

I am bruised- I'm not going to say in detail what happened.

OP posts:

TimeForMeToF1y · 09/01/2023 15:54

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 15:15

Never put anything in writing you wouldn't want to see on a billboard?

Wow, I'm old enough to have written some love letters back in the day- I hope no one like you gets hold of them!

I'm not going to say exactly what's happened, but yes, I've been betrayed (imo). But the betrayer says not, because "all social media is public". I'm questioning myself. Have I been naïve?

It doesn't matter what people in general think, it only matters what the viewer of the information thinks obviously

So what if 99.9% of people think it's private but the 0.1% see your message and share it publically?

Lesson learned, trust none

ClubhouseGift · 09/01/2023 15:58

YABU. You posted on social media, so yes, it is public property.

And if it’s a case of complaining about work then you’re probably in breech of their social media policy.

Original poster

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 16:08

It wasn't in breech of any social media policy.

Whatsapp is social media (google it). So nothing is private? I accept some people appear to think this- I don't agree.

OP posts:

carameansbeloved · 09/01/2023 16:10

WhatsApp isn’t social media it is a communications app - much like text messaging and calling.

you mentioned love letters but there was also a risk that letters would be shown to someone back in the day.

I wouldn’t put in writing anything you wouldn’t be happy to be shared onwards. But yes bang out of order if someone has shared a WhatsApp message as I would say that has an implied reasonable expectation of privacy (if it was a 121 message especially - ground gets a bit rockier if it is a large group).

ClubhouseGift · 09/01/2023 16:20

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 16:08

It wasn't in breech of any social media policy.

Whatsapp is social media (google it). So nothing is private? I accept some people appear to think this- I don't agree.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you agree. You can’t control what other people do.

AmazonsFuckedUpFreeMusicFeature · 09/01/2023 16:23

It's not facebook issue. This would be twat amongst friends issue.
I don't have dickheads on so mine is safe...

cortisolqueen · 09/01/2023 16:26

I think you're justified in feeling betrayed OP.
I would be tempted to no longer share anything with this "friend" (& possibly block them) if they're unable to accept that they behaved badly,

willithappen · 09/01/2023 16:26

Unless you say what it is that was posted then no one can really help you with whether it was unreasonable or not. I don't believe it's completely black and white to say one way or the other if you are talking in general.

MisguidedGhosts · 09/01/2023 16:36

If it's something you've written people generally shouldn't be sharing it but there are some exceptions.

If it's just a screenshot of a meme or something there's no issue.

ChristmasFluff · 09/01/2023 17:03

If it's set to 'friends' and someone screenshots and shares it, then that's like telling someone something because they are a friend and then them sharing it with the wider public.

I'd use this as a handy way of knowing which people in your circle cannot be trusted and need to be removed from your friends list on social media.

AmazonsFuckedUpFreeMusicFeature · 09/01/2023 17:56

Wasn't this the issue in Waghata Christie case?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 09/01/2023 18:04

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 15:15

Never put anything in writing you wouldn't want to see on a billboard?

Wow, I'm old enough to have written some love letters back in the day- I hope no one like you gets hold of them!

I'm not going to say exactly what's happened, but yes, I've been betrayed (imo). But the betrayer says not, because "all social media is public". I'm questioning myself. Have I been naïve?

But that’s just the point. Even those love letters, your journal, or notes passed in class when you were 12 can’t be controlled and have the ability to be shared. Happened when I was in school a girl wrote a racy letter to her boyfriend and it got shared around. Notes intercepted by teachers were routinely read aloud to the entire class.

YABU to not realize this. It’s is ok to feel betrayed, but you shouldn’t be surprised ISWIM.

Original poster

Gnomeontherange · 09/01/2023 18:47

I guess I thought we weren't 12 anymore.

OP posts:

Hillarious · 10/01/2023 16:39

If a message is sent on a private group then it stays there unless there's a really good reason to share it.

The fact remains, once you post something anywhere, it's possible to share it further. Therefore, don't post anything you're not happy to see forwarded on elsewhere. If it's important to share something, just do it verbally.

Original poster

Gnomeontherange · 10/01/2023 20:14

And those of us with no one to actually talk to verbally? Or neurodivergent?

For some people, WhatsApp or Facebook is their only contact with others outside work for weeks on end. There's an epidemic of loneliness and isolation.

OP posts:

sometimes12387 · 10/01/2023 22:22

I think a lot of the comments on here are harsh. You trusted someone, they broke your trust. You have every right to feel what you feel. Hopefully if it's not serious or breaking any policy your manager will see that and move on.

ClubhouseGift · 10/01/2023 22:26

Gnomeontherange · 10/01/2023 20:14

And those of us with no one to actually talk to verbally? Or neurodivergent?

For some people, WhatsApp or Facebook is their only contact with others outside work for weeks on end. There's an epidemic of loneliness and isolation.

It doesn’t make a difference. Anyone you speak to in real life can just pass things on.

Original poster

Gnomeontherange · 10/01/2023 23:06

I think it's a sad life if no one writes anything to anyone else, or even says verbally (could be recorded!) that they wouldn't say publicly. Do people really live such mistrustful lives?

I trusted a group of people I thought were friends. I don't think that's the same as saying something publicly, even if the way I communicated with that group was via "social media". But I accept a large minority think nothing isn't public. That is interesting.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2