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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

School causes son great anxiety

28 replies

FibroMummy · 09/01/2023 08:30

I'm going to start by apologising for this long post but I really need some advise. As a toddler my ds now 6 absolutely hated being away from me, he would scream to the point he made himself sick and it resulted in all family and friends refusing to look after him even for me to visit the doctors or hospital appointments alone. When he was 3 we tried a really gradual introduction to nursery starting with a stay and play where I would stay with him, then gradually moving to me being outside in the playground but as soon as it come to me leaving him all together even for very short periods (we started at 30mins) he we get himself into such a state with crying and would often barricade himself into cupboards or under the climbing frame refusing to come out unless the nursery called me, which they done each and everytime, meaning my DS learnt that as soon as he didn't want to be there without me all he had to do was barricade himself and they would call me. After this going on for several months and it getting to the point I wouldn't even reach home (10 doors away from the nursery) before getting the call to go back, we decided to try switch to another nursery hoping that they would perhaps have a different way of managing his behaviour. We tried over several months to settle him into the new nursery, but it would take the staff over half an hour each morning to literally rip him off me while he's desperately trying to hang on for dear life, only to get 10 minutes in nursery before they call me back once again to fetch him. This went on for months and was so draining for myself and my DS my partner worked full time and his only support was saying "keep sending him". We then went into lockdown so nursery was closed and my DS was at home with myself and his sister my DD. As time approached to apply for his school place I had come to the decision he was no way ready to go to school full time having found nursery so difficult and lock downs meaning he had no chance to settle in a nursery before moving to school, I therefore kept him at home, home schooling him all the way through his reception stage at school much to my partner and all of my families disapproval. Once he reached age 5 , my health took a dramatic decline and my partner had to give up work to "care" for myself and he demanded DS was in school full time so very reluctantly i sent him to the same school as DD and after a very rocky start he began to start settling down and all was seemingly going well for him, he had a wonderful 1 to 1 support teacher who helped him throughout his school day and he generally seemed happy. However the week before Christmas that 1 to 1 teacher left the school and he has now been put back into a normal class room environment and is struggling massively. Not only academically is he below all of his targets but emotionally he's extremely upset and anxious again, he is struggling to sleep knowing he has school the next day, back to wetting the bed at age 6 having been dry through the night for 2 years, this only happens Sunday through to Thursday and he is dry over the weekend. He's refusing all breakfast in the morning saying he feels sick, he will try hiding to avoid getting his school uniform on getting very upset in the process, it's so very distressing for me to witness. Am I right in thinking he should be offered more support in school? Is there anything I can do to try ease this anxiety he is suffering with? Partner and DS dad isn't very supportive and will just shout at him making the whole situation much worse. Hoping to get some advise from mummy's who have been through the same.

OP posts:
Untitledsquatboulder · 10/01/2023 10:21

America12 · 10/01/2023 09:06

If you're able to hone school I would.
I'd get rid of the partner first.
Buy this does need looking into.

So the OP gets rid of the partner who has had to give up work to care for her and then what? Her 6 year old becomes her full time carer and that's his education?

Hankunamatata · 10/01/2023 10:30

Apply for echp. He doesn't need to be edicationally behind. Mine have them for social and emotional

Quitelikeit · 10/01/2023 10:39

How about you ask for a soft start to the morning?

this could include going into school ten minutes after everybody else, or earlier by waiting in the office - then your son could do ten minutes of games in the gym hall - to get rid of his sensory energy/help deal with anxiety or have a little story

also consider what is happening to your son at break and lunch - does he have somewhere to go if he’s worried or anxious? Does he have friends? Is there an indoor Lego type club?

also consider a reduced timetable for him - pick him up 30 mins earlier every day to help him beat the stress of the crowds etc

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