Going away

[Pippa12]

My DH and I are going away tomorrow for a very long awaited 3 night trip. My DD (11) has been upset tonight as she’ll miss me. She says she wants me to go but gets so sad when I go away.

How do I help her with this? Do I not go?

I feel awful about this.

Don't know how to vote as don't know what your AIBU is ?

But of course you should go.
You distract her with "But you are having a sleepover at Granny's" or "Aunty Jane is coming to look after you . It is all arranged" then - you know her best, and know the person who is looking after her - follow that with "You'll be fine" or "You'll have lots of fun" and then "and then we'll see you on Wednesday evening." Change subject, or press on with "Now have you packed...... or whatever and move on.

I mean if you feel awful why are you going?
I have 2 kids and have chosen to have them and if we go anywhere it is as a family and to be honest they'd be upset if we went away without them aswell.

It's one thing going out for a meal a whole other ballgame going away for 3 days and really upsetting your child.

You absolutely should go. She is 11 fgs!

You should go. And for anyone telling you you chosen to have kids so anything you do should be all of you is just ridiculous. You are allowed some important you time, your DD will be ok and will get used to it.

You should go, she's just feeling a little unsettled and that's OK and normal. She's 11, by going you teach her it's ok to have these feelings and that She's still safe.

Thank you for the level headed replies.

I feel the same, that she is 11, she has her residential trip this year for two nights so this is probably a good start to get ready for it.

I’ve said we can FaceTime every day, she is staying with my mum who will fill the spare time with lots of fun and she has school.

Just having a wobble myself. Pre covid due to work and social events we had regular’ish nights away when she’d stay with family, she’s probably got out of the habit of. She recently went on a two day sleep over and didn’t bat an eyelid!

I was about to mention residentials. At 11 most kids do something with school that has them away from home for 3 or 4 nights do she really is of an age where she should be able to cope without you for 3 nights.

I wouldn't have gone away on a "proper" holiday, i. e. a week or more until DD was left school. But 3 nights should be ok

With anxiety op it's generally better to go to the edge of your fear. As long as your Dd won't be completely overwhelmed away from you (and it sounds like she won't) you should go and then make a big deal of how well she coped.

I would just talk to her about how she feels and listen non judgmentally. encourage her to talk to whoever's looking after her if she feels sad. Remind her of times you've been away before when she's managed ok. Let her know that it's ok to feel a bit sad and miss someone.