Found out about my father's death by mistake.

[Dodie6]

My father died last night. My daughter, up at 4pm feeding the baby, saw a post from my cousin, pic hugging her uncle, and all the accompanying, "RIP", "So sorry", "Condolences" , etc... DD texted me this morning, "Is Grandpa dead?" . I rang my brother, to be told that, indeed, our father was dead. My children and I have a close bond, and they've been great. I think my cold home family actually made me a better parent, so cheers. AIBU to feel greatly disappointed?

This happened in my husband’s family. His grandma, who we were close to, passed away. His cousin, who is a preacher, posted it on Facebook at about 3am. I had just given birth to our youngest son a few hour earlier and was up nursing him at 4am and saw the Facebook post. I woke my DH and he checked his phone. No messages or calls. They didn’t know I had given birth as it was 5 weeks early and we didn’t notify anyone that we were going to the hospital. It was done to show my DH that he didn’t deserve to be told like to other cousins. They were mad that we had moved away and that was their way of trying to show us we weren’t really family anymore.

I am so sorry. A friend of mine found out about their brother's death on Facebook as they missed a phone call. Why anyone feels the need to post this stuff so readily is terrible.

Condolences OP.
It was an awful way to find out. Have your relatives offered an explanation?
Perhaps cousin jumped the gun and posted very quickly before they contacted you.
Horrible way for you to find out , as a daughter you should have been contacted immediately.

I found out about my grandmother's death this way (via a cousin on facebook) - my father hadn't got as far as calling me (his stepmother, so hadn't felt the urgency he might have done with his own mother). None of my family were NC. I can only imagine what you are going through, OP, and it's not pleasant. Sending thoughts and prayers in the days ahead.

I am so sorry for your loss and for the awful way you found out.

My highly toxic sister did this when our mother died. I found out a day or so later via one of my kids who had heard about it via a cousin. Can you imagine my own kid having to break that news...

Sorry for your loss, OP.

I also found out about my father's death via my niece's FB post. We were waiting for the call, and I'd gone on to FB to take my mind off things only to be met with the 'announcement'.

I didn't say anything about having seen it when my brother (niece's father) called to tell me.

I mentioned it to him, years later, when we were waiting on my mother passing. She passed during Covid and only two of us were able to be with her - her sister and my oldest brother.

I did not find out via FB about my mother's passing - family lesson learned.

Sorry re your dad OP but there is more to your story than meets the eye,

Maybe it was an accident? I accidentally announced someone's passing on Facebook once I mistakenly believed that I would be the LAST person to be told as I was the hated ex and not family (my kids are family though) turns out I was the first fortunately there was only one family member on my Facebook (by marriage thankfully) but still lesson learned

If you were the last person to know, and "hated", why would you need to announce it on FB?

I am sorry. It is rubbish.

My siblings and I found out our lovely Grandma had died when our Aunt posted a FB post 30mins after her death. Otherss were furious because no one else knew (inc. Grandad who wasn't mobile enough to be at the hospital and the idea was to go and tell him in person).

It was a right shower of unnecessary shite in already upsetting circumstances.

I was hated by my ex husband and didn't think he would make me a priority obviously! I thought he would tell his own cousin first fortunately I only had his one cousins wife on my Facebook but he hadn't told his family at all they did it

I was telling my family via Facebook they always like to send a card and make a donation

Ridiculously tacky. I'm sorry op.

There is no harm in my cousin, (and god-daughter). She loved my father. I'm merely flagging up the risk of, "announcing" , online before everyone's been informed. A lesson for us all.

So very sorry OP, my condolences xx

My husband died on our front lawn just as the school buses were going past, I was terrified someone would put it on social media. I did get a few texts and ignored them - as my daughter was taking her finals the next day, my son and I decided not to tell her until after her exam. Quite wrong thinking back on it, but we were in shock, my son couldn't even come to the house for weeks until my husband's car has been returned to the garage.

Yes social media can be terrible sometimes. Vastly different situation and no ill will towards my husband but we eloped and he was on social media, before I could even wrap my head around everything, announcing to everyone that we were now married! I understand why I do but… some of my family members were rather shocked as they are very… how shall I say… “traditional” to put it lightly. They weren’t impressed. Got quite a few unpleasant calls. Literally had to turn off my phone. Newly wed husband apologized profusely and vowed to never announce a major life milestone again on social media without first discussing it. Yes we are still naked years later.

Married!!! Not naked. 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ well obviously sometimes. But you know what I meant! Damn phone!

My cousins did this about my granddad. Because some of his other children were even told. It's caused a massive family fallout. There was even at argument at the hospice. They will never see how we're wrong. It's drives me mad, why social media is there first thought!!
I'm so sorry op xx

Many years ago now I found out about my infant niece’s death from a work colleague who came up to me in the car park at work to give her condolences. As you can imagine, there was a huge backstory to the situation, but it was thoroughly shocking because my position at the time meant I couldn’t say a word to my family including the child’s father!! Caused a massive issue when I was castigated by some relatives for not telling them even though, patient confidentiality meant I could have lost my job if I’d said anything!!

I had to tell my dm her nan/my great nan had died after reading the obituaries in the local paper. That was shit

I had to break it to my then husband that his mother had died after seeing it on his sister's Facebook. It took another 6 hours for his dad to answer the phone to confirm it.
No excuses to not tell him, he lived up the road, they were all in contact, relationship was good. So no idea why he didn't think to tell their son.

A) Sorry for your loss
B) Feels like you’re on the verge of drip-feeding. Why weren’t you told immediately?

I found out my father had died 11 months after he died. I don't think anyone was planning to tell me. I found out from a random bored moment when I googled his name. They didn't have to tell me, I do understand that, but I thought someone would have let me know eventually.

I found out my Nan had died via cousins attention seeking 'RIP Nan' post.

Social media must've been her first thought on hearing the news as it was done so early, which just blows my mind.

Sorry this happened OP, it's a horrible shock.