Cms payments and extras

[Cherry55]

Mumsnetters, some sanity please.

I get cms payments for my children from exh. He's tight as they come so I get the minimum.

Kids are small amd payments are fine (£550 pm) but I know teens and older children get more expensive so am keen to set up some status quos to make future life easier. He has then EOW and 1 day a week alternate weeks.

I don't want to get into a "well you get cms at least" or "that's more than I get" discussion. This is the minimum he can pay and father's should cover costs. He's behaved abhorrent through divorce and there's little give and take.

Now I've had little luck with school uniform, but have managed to get him to share school trip costs.

We are at stalemate with mobile phone bills as oldest is due one. I think he should pay 50% monthly costs for sim deal.

Should this come out of cms or is this a shared extra? I'm.not asking for 100% but 50% as I think that's fair.

What about sharing uniform/orthodontics/school trips/school lunches/school bus pass? University costs?!

YABU - all costs should come from CMS payments

YANBU - These should be 50%

ExDH had to be dragged through the CMS enforcement process. So I understand.

YANBU to want him to help however YABU to expect better from him given what you know about how he operates.

@Starlitestarbright yes of course. I pay for the children's needs way over 50%

@blondieminx sorry to hear that. It's not fair.

It's the principles involved, not the amounts, as the op said. Nowhere does the CMS list what it is meant to cover or go towards. I think it says "a contribution toward essentials" but that's it. It's hopeless. Is the nrp therefore not obliged to contribute to anything beyond the most basic food shelter? Swimming lessons? Spare shoes for when the child loses, splits or soaks their main pair?

There's always a kickback that nrps have living costs too but RPs who have them during school time have to maintain a home within catchment and sensible travelling to school so rent / mortgage likely to be more than NRP in many cases, so in the ops example, it's not that £1100 a month is being spent directly on the kids, but if a chunk of that is mortgage, it soon goes.

Teens won't have a £6 SIM deal for long. Activities and outings for them cost more, but aren't "essential". Fundamentally, it's rarely the case that CMS is 50% of costs, especially if you factor in childcare not covered by UC and the limitations on the RPs earning potential. In reality, many RPs lose tens of thousands over the kids childhood due to these factors while the nrp is Fred to do extra shifts, overtime, trips away with work etc with no issues at all.

it's not that £1100 a month is being spent directly on the kids, but if a chunk of that is mortgage, it soon goes

Her ex will also have a mortgage or rent to pay on top of his contribution.

@Olive19741205 yes, which is why I made the point that the RPs mortgage or rent may well need to be more due to schools and, if it's their main home 90% of the time, it needs more space, bigger garden, etc than might be the case if they are only there 4/30 days. Realistically, the vast majority of RPs end up shouldering so much more of the costs...you can't deny that's true.

Yanbu but you will probably never get him to agree. My ex is the same and he only pays the bare min for 3 kids and absolutely nothing extra. He refuses to even enter discussions about money. He’s paying 320 a month for 3 kids, he’s self employed as well so probably not disclosing his full income either, I’m scared to go through cms i case I end up with less.

My ds is about to have braces the Nhs is paying..

Every stage of parenting is expensive for dufferent reasons, childcare- lots of scout trips,

My teen isn't particularly more expensive as i can leave him home all day whilst i work..

You seem to be missing the point co parenting is easier if you don't fight every penny.

Yes i do think phones should come out of cms. They are general living expenses. What do you think his cms is for ? What do you think that covers ?

Well £1100 p/m is more than enough to top up university costs for 2 even if you are on the minimum parental contribution level.

Honestly, unless you have a dozen kids, I think it's unlikely that £1100 (£550 per parent) doesn't cover the full costs of the children. Not elective things (private education/horse riding lessons/skiing holidays etc) which obviously aren't reasonable to expect someone to cover unless they themselves particularly feel these things are important and want to provide them.

I think you have two choices. Accept the £550 (so total of £1100 between you towards the children) and pay all expenses out of that, or forgo child maintenance and negotiate and agree each expense (paying half each) as they happen, with an agreed calculated payment towards food/utilities.

Personally, I think £1100 a month split between 2 parents for 2 (assumed) children seems fine, fair and proportionate. You pay for school dinners/shoes/clothes/phone contracts etc out of that.

Personally I think mobile phones are an 'everyday expense' that should come out of your CM.

@ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat I think this is exactly how I feel yes. I see Cm payments going towards housing. I'm a single parent home and my working hours are less due to working around the kids (for now). He is in a 2 adult household of handsome salaries and can easily help out more. Its not equal and frustrating.

I'm finding the posts really helpful everyone, on both sides of the fence, thank you.

This argument makes no sense. The amount that she can contribute depends on her income. It would be 550 + her contribution not 550x2.

Realistically those are all generally costs the resident parent pays. In theory it would be nice if the NRP chipped in, but it very rarely happens. (Also.. isn’t orthodontistry usually covered by the NHS if it’s medically necessary rather than cosmetic?)

Cherry55 his partners salary has no bearing on his contributions.

Yeah his partner's salary isn't taken into account and it shouldn't be.

I’d take a different approach. Separate to CMS amount, I’d want him to agree to pay 50% of childcare cost (regardless of who has them that day) so you could work full time and earn or progress towards your own “handsome salary”.

My only contribution from ex is CMS money and I wouldn’t expect any more. It must be difficult if you see him living more comfortably than you but CMS payments are supposed to cover everything, not just housing.

I don’t know why people bother saying its enough. It’s relative to the standard of living the child has been accustomed to surely? Without looking at ops expenditure it’s impossible to say.

I get £395 for 2 and it barely touches the sides. Fuel bill for school run alone is £70 pw. I’ve asked for him to cover half of things like medical expenses, clubs, tutoring, private medical & dental cover, he’s refused. What do you do?!

He is in a 2 adult household of handsome salaries

You shouldn't be thinking of it in terms of "he has two salaries". What his partner earns is absolutely nothing to do with you or how much he should give you for your and his children. Just like his contributions shouldn't go down if you lived with a partner, his shouldn't go up just because he does.

I do think it's reasonable to expect certain extras on top of CMS like school trips for example. But I agree with PPs, I wouldn't be arguing over a cheap sim deal and would just count that as every day expenses.

In the same way it's pointless when people say CMS is never enough. It's all relative. A high earner could be paying more than enough whereas a low earner won't be paying nearly enough. CMS isn't the bare minimum in the sense that it's never enough, perhaps legally yes it's the minimum but that doesn't mean it can't sometimes be a decent amount depending on the paying parents salary.

@Lapka I suppose you’re right. I hate the system and how it’s run with a passion!