To not be able to work out where I stand with friend?

[Stackss]

So I have a friend from school who I would describe as close. Prior to covid, we would regularly stay at each other’s houses and meet up probably every 6 weeks. We now live about an hour apart but really only see each other a few times a year and even then, that’s usually at events organised by other mutual friends from school.

When I do meet this friend (usually as I say at birthdays etc of mutual school friends) she is very pleasant- constantly saying totally unprompted by me how we I must visit her new house, how we must go for dinner and how she wants to come and visit me soon etc. However, these plans are always mentioned in the abstract and never with any more detail. They rarely come to fruition.

When we do very occasionally meet up on an individual basis, this is usually (but not always) instigated by me. I messaged her before Christmas saying it would be great to meet up soon. She replied straight away saying this would be great and asked me to suggest suitable dates. I did this, but never heard back and one of these has now passed.

Basically, I am struggling to work out where I stand with her. Were it not for the occasional messages and suggestions of plans, I would think she was quietly ghosting me but I don’t think this is the case as she hasn't cut off communications iyswim.

Bump

I had similar with a friend of 20 years who was always making plans that never happened.When I rang her she always said positive things I stopped contacting her and never heard from her again.I thinklife moves on especially when one you moves away.

Unfortunately this is just life. It's impossible to keep on top of every friendship and have quality 1 on 1 time as well as organising kids, families, work etc etc, especially if your friend lives an hour away.

I would enjoy the time you spend together in a group and get a date fixed when you next see her.

I don't think she's ghosting you.

What are her circumstances? children? Working? I may get lambasted for this but I am just like your friend, I mean well and do love my friends but life with children and working full time is difficult and at times I struggle to even reply to a text message never mind find the time to actually see people. I understand people prioritise different things and people mange their time diffidently, have different responsibilities (some work,
some don't) maybe she means all the things she says, certainly sounds like it but life takes over and she is drowning in the mundane.

I have a brilliant friend who I used to work with, been friends for 12/13 years and I adore her. She's gone on to have children, as I have I, she's left my workplace and lives a couple of hours away and it's been well over 6 months since I saw her. It's not that I don't want to see her. But luckily she's as chaotic as me and has a lot going on so we understand one another but we send each other 'we must get together soon' messages all the time. And we mean it. We are just both bloody busy working full time and raising families etc etc, she's recently moved house. You know how it is

i think the fact that she says these things quite genuinely and replies straight away means she means it.

Just address it with her in a lighthearted way, we constantly send each other memes about that one friend who either replies within 30 seconds or 3 weeks etc. Send something like that and then suggest a date that is months away and easy for her to plan and commit to ❤️

Just to update on this, I met my friend for lunch today and we both had a great time.

We have both committed to seeing each other more this year so fingers crossed that happens.

I just think you have different communication styles and personalities but between you, you get to meet up regularly and enjoy your time together. Could you be making problems where there really isn't one.