Worried about my bewborn

[Adventureoflife]

My baby is a few weeks old. When he was born, he had a ‘fat neck’. Lots of excess skin sort of thing. I raised it with the midwife that I was worried it was a sign of Down’s syndrome and she said I was worrying over nothing as he didn’t show other signs such as a line down his hand.

However sometimes when he cries his eyes turn into a upside down U shape that has me questioning things again. I’ve stupidly googled it too and he has several features of a downs baby such as curved 5th fingers, a shortish & thick neck with the excess skin at the back & bit of a gap between his big and second toes.

I’m really worried and don’t know how to raise it with my husband/don’t know who to talk to. I get health anxiety often and I don’t want to upset him or make him think I’m being unkind about our baby etc. Do I raise it with a GP? Or AIBU to be even thinking this?

Please speak to a health professional so they can reassure you.

I'd go to the GP. I think it varies regionally but the health visitors in my area were never much use. The GP was more helpful.

Anxiety is so common when you’ve just had a baby. You’re responsible for such a tiny, helpless thing. Your body has just been turned inside out and you’re recovering from that. Sleep deprived and hormonal. It’s just a recipe for anxiety! Go to the GP and speak to them about your own health anxiety and your worries about your baby. There’s no bad outcome if you seek some advice - either you get help that your baby needs early on, or you will be reassured. You might also be able to get some support to manage your own anxiety. With babies and children you can always find something to worry about, so if you’re able to address some of those fears now it’ll help you in the future.

Not saying you have anything to worry about but do raise it with your GP. To put your mind at rest though my daughter had a very fat neck with rolls. Weirdly in between the rolls the skin was lighter like she had a tan! I was worried as people mentioned a thyroid problem🙄. As it is shes 16 now and fine, she still has a roll of fat on her neck 😊

I agree with the above re seeing an hcp for reassurance. What I would say is that in the early weeks your baby is seen by many professionals (midwives, neonatologists, health visitors etc) who are all looking for signs of abnormal development (muscle tone, features, cry, growth to name a few).

Assessments are done immediately post birth by midwives and a neonatologist, throughout your postnatal stay in hospital by midwives and prior to yours and baby’s discharge. Specifically during these checks they’re looking for any abnormal markers.

given the above I’d say it’s incredibly unlikely that something as visually obvious as DS would have been missed.

Did you have all of your scans & antenatal screening tests? Did your baby have a newborn review by a paediatrician before you left the hospital? Have multiple midwives seen you & your baby since birth? If the answer is yes I think you have little to worry about as concerns would usually have been raised by now. That said, the PN period is a massive upheaval & a frightening time, so I’d get him checked out for your own peace of mind.

Have you had your follow up check up for you and baby at the doctor's yet? If thats coming up soon I'd ask then, if not I would ring your health visitor and ask them about it and they can either invite you in to a clinic with a nurse or they will advise you to ring your GP.

For what it's worth I remember also fleetingly wondering whether my daughter could have DS after she was born. I'm sure that if a baby did have Down Syndrome then it would be picked up at birth before you were even discharged x

I think it's not uncommon for mosaic Down syndrome to not be diagnosed untill the baby is a year or so old.

Congratulations OP. It's very unlikely this would be missed in checks - however, to put your mind at rest, speak to your midwife again, and make it clear how worried you are. For your own wellbeings sake and baby's. If she is confident everything is fine, try to accept that. Your baby gets a 6-8 week GP examination too. Stop googling - we all have various signs of various conditions, which we don't actually have. You sound like a lovely attentive mum though, your baby is very lucky!

FWIW, many new babies have fat necks, rolls of fat, fingers and toes like little starfish, their eyes don't do much looking yet. Many first time Mums worry there's something wrong with their baby .

Baby is just getting the hang of their body and needs a lot more practice; you're just getting the hang of being a mum and need a lot more practice. . Happens to all of us and all our babies. Perfectly normal.

I have anxiety and convinced myself my first baby had down syndrome at one point. It's so difficult to handle this kind of anxiety focused around a child because on the one hand constantly seeking reassurance from medical professionals can actually heighten anxiety over time, on the other hand most people are cautious with young children and err on the side of getting professional advice.

I would go to the GP this time OP but if anxiety becomes a recurrant issue do try and get some help (even self help online if that's all that's available).

Just mention it at the six week check.

Thank you for all of your replies. Its much appreciated.

I did have all the tests, checks and scans yes but conscious on all of it, they do state that it’s not 100%.

I’m in a bit of a state about it to be honest so I don’t think I can wait as long as the 6 week check or the next HV appt. I feel like a GP is going to think I’m nuts though if I go in but equally aware that this is more important than what a GP thinks of me (although I do then worry I’ll just get pegged as a neurotic mother and they won’t take anything seriously in future).

OP, if you’re baby does have down syndrome, would that change anything about you need to take care of them in the next couple of 1-3 weeks before your 6 week check up?
Obviously there does need to be a discussion and you do need some reassurance, but if it doesn’t happen in the next couple of days I’m not sure it will make any difference whatsoever longterm.

The GP won’t think you’re nuts, honestly (am a Dr).

They won't think you are "nuts".

They may think you have nothing to worry about and are overly anxious but that's not an issue. They will be able to reassure you. They are really good with new mothers, they insisted I popped in all through the pandemic to see me.

The GP won’t think you are nuts, they are always happy to see newborns for any reason. They can also help reassure you, and also offer help with the anxiety if it’s needed. Just make the call OP

I had exactly the same anxiety- I ended up paying to have a private blood test which was horrible for her. She didn’t have downs. If you have health anxiety and all your tests were normal she doesn’t have downs. You’re not nuts, well you are but I think being a new mum does make you one!

OP, I have health anxiety and was very similar to you with my first baby; I found as soon as I was reassured about one thing, I'd just latch on to something else. The amount of times I took my daughter to the doctor convinced she had some life-limiting/terminal illness or a major disability - I took her for suspected breast cancer twice! I wish I was joking.

I don't know what advice to give you because I know how hard it is to get out of that mindset, but I just want to let you know that you're not unusual to be worrying about this, however unlikely it may be. Also, please don't mistake these intrusive thoughts for 'mother's instinct'.

Thank you for sharing this. Do you mind me asking what made you think your daughter was please?

Thank you for this. It’s really comforting to know I’m not alone (and thanks to everyone else that has replied too) - my husband is really amazing and so supportive of everything but at the same time I just feel like I put him through the ringer with this stuff. I’m trying so hard to be rational and telling myself that the likelihood of anything being wrong is slim but it’s just not getting me anywhere!

does anyone have any advice of how they moved past it? Or is it just something I have to live with as a parent?

My eldest is 8 now and I still have my moments, but it seems much better than it was those first twelve months. Some things I've learned:

• Don't Google anything. Google is a chainsaw disguised as a plaster. If you absolutely have to, only look within the NHS website.

• Find something you can concentrate your imagination on. I like creative writing; when my second baby was newborn, I would try to write every day, even if it was literally only a sentence. Then I found it was more likely my idle mind would start thinking about what could happen next in my story rather than try to imagine all the ways my baby could die!

• Listen to podcasts. Find funny ones or ones about shows you like; again, it's about distracting your brain (and helps with the mental boredom of caring for a newborn anyway!).

• I find, when something triggers my anxiety, that I then tend to get anxious about feeling anxious and start worrying that I'm going to feel awful forever. It helps to remind myself that the initial flare-up is just my brain reacting and will pass, the way a sore throat passes after a cold.