Friend not spoken to daughter for over 10 years and fallen out with me

[Abigail69]

Hello
A work friend that I often, ie a few times a month exchange long emails with as she still works and I left. The other week I slipped in the word "backward thinking." She took it personally and said I was rude. In hindsight, I should have not said it

The backstory, their daughter married someone from another religion and my friend, her DH and some of their siblings/family etc send the daughter to Coventry and not invited her to weddings/birthdays etc etc all because the religion is different

The daughter and her DH are very nice, hard-working, very sensible people with their own property and now have two kids.

My friend is a bit of a bigot as when I worked she often banged on about her religion made here do this, that and the other and stopped her doning not so nice things as she was from ??? religion. I put up with it and I'm not of the same background as we had good banter but should have challenged her. I did once say that religion was not important as her daughter was about to marry and what was important they got on and were decent people all round. However, I was rebuked by fried saying that I did not understand religion and we left it at that as I was trying to help a friend that was feeling down

Re the comments I made, I will say sorry but after that would it be reasonable if I just stopped talking to my ex work mate via email and gradually she will get the message as I should not be giving people like her the time of the day. Would that be reasonable? (If I was to see the friend, I am always polite and never ignore people but the convo would be quick, very quick as I'd make my excuses and be off and any invites etc were she will be present, just a hi and bye will do.

IMO and that of my family, DH, we want our kids, grandkids to amrry etc from same background but more important than that is they get on, do well and are nice people that are not workshy etc etc and that IMO is much, much more than religion. I get it the initial upset for many people but to carry on for years, ver sad.

Am I being reasonable by doing the above?

Why do you want your kids to marry people from the same background OP? This is an unusual thing to say.

I don't think your values are as far away from hers as you think. Your prejudices may not be about religion, but they are certainly there. It may be something to think about now that you have recognised that you don't want her bigotry in your life

I wouldn't want to br friends with someone who so small minded that they'd cut their daughter out of their life over religion.

The daughter and her DH are very nice, hard-working, very sensible people with their own property and now have two kids

I don't see the point of that sentence, it's totally irrelevant, just because someone is a home owner doesn't mean they should be held in higher regard than someone who rents or lives in council housing. Owning a home isn't the measure of a person.

There was a pp that worded a message well that you could send to your friend. But it sounds like you'd be better off without her anyway.

Possibly yes, hence her friendship with me. However, what I think and ideally want are two different things from what I practice, EG, my children to be healthy/happy/well off/etc/etc with whomever they chose and in the scheme of things religion comes last.

As we cant edit posts here a bit more. I noted the "bigotry" a long while ago but she is/was supportive etc and rarely bought stuff up but it stuck in my mind. The fact she could not speak to her child who married religion x instead of D is incredible and so sad. The fact is there are thousands like her in the uk never mind other countries. And the UK is supposed to be a forward-thinking open-minded place.