To drug test my dad?

[everyage]

I'm 30, my dad is 60. He is an addict (severe prescription drugs) and a liar. I've never met someone who can so easily lie to my face. He has had mental health issues for all his life, addiction problems for the past 30 years. I feel sad for him, he had a horrendous childhood.

He was sober for about three years. It is now very clear he is not sober. The doctor stopped prescribing opioid based meds to him three years ago. So it is clear to me he is getting his drugs from elsewhere.

His stomach is bloated, slurs his words, he is stumbling all over the place and shakes to the point he can't hold a cup of water. He has been physically tested - nothing wrong with him.

When I bring this up to him, he says things like, 'I won't have this conversation with you', 'how dare you accuse me' etc.

I feel sick to my stomach, I feel like I'm being gaslighted. At least if I knew he was on drugs I could support him. I feel as if I'm losing my mind. He bare face lies and says he's sober when it's very clear he's not.

Would I be unreasonable to show up at his house tomorrow and drug test him? Could get from a local pharmacy.

He asks me why I care, it's like I haven't slept properly in weeks because of this

How are you planning to force him to take a drug test?

Yes I do, I know the signs and he is clearly using again. It's just the lies I cannot stand as he is so good at them, he's always able to turn things around and make it that I am the bad person.

Thanks for all advice

His choices are his to make. His choices are now affecting your health. You care, he doesn't.

I don't see what is wrong with seeing if he will have a test. They aren't expensive and the OP won't be able to force him. If he agrees to test then at least the OP will be more sure of what she is dealing with. There must be a chance it's not addiction.

You are right in that asking cannot hurt. As part of a conversation to help him take action.

It's important the OP doesn't burn themselves out on trying though as it isn't in their control to achieve anything. They can only ask and against a backdrop of lying and gaslighting, that could well affect their mental health if not kept in check.

Would I be unreasonable to show up at his house tomorrow and drug test him?

Totally.
You are not a cop, his doctor, his shrink or his social worker.

Besides - what would it gain? It doesn't matter whether you force an 'admission; from him or not - you already know the truth: he is scoring illegally.

If you imagine a forced admission is a pathway to him suddenly deciding that you are right, & he must stop being an addict, you are on a hiding to nothing. It's very sad, but the only thing you can do is accept that he is going to keep doing whatever he chooses to do, nothing you can do will change that. You will drive yourself round the twist trying to make him stop, & the kindest thing to do for yourself is to disengage from that.

Like alcoholics, people with an addict in their lives need to remember this mantra:
You did not cause it
You cannot control it
You cannot cure it

The best thing you can do is ensure that YOU are supported - famanon.org.uk/