To feel like an utter failure

[greenlightmeansgo]

I’m not long finished my degree and am just starting my career. I work in a job (I don’t want to be specific) where I have a supervisor and I’m working under them but also training/learning/developing at the same time. Sort of like being a probation teacher, or an fy doctor. So I’m qualified but also not fully qualified and still being supervised on certain things and examined as I go.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me but it’s not going well at all right now. My supervisor is lovely and I really enjoy working together. But she can be tough and she has very high expectations. Sometimes she gets sharp with me and I can tell I’m annoying her, which is fair enough because I keep making silly mistakes, which makes me more stressed, then I make more mistakes. Things I’ve been told several times already and I should know. And shouldn’t need to be chased up on. You see how the cycle continues. She’s never unfair or mean, but she has high expectations and I’ve learned a lot working together but I can tell I’m letting her down and making her tear her hair out at times.

recently I’ve been feeling so shit and down about myself. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel like I’m so shit at my job, and useless, and I’m letting everyone down including my parents, supervisor and myself. I feel like I never do anything right and I’m just a waste of an employee in the workplace and they could get someone much better than me who doesn’t make mistakes or screw up everything the way I do or let everyone down like I do

my supervisor is lovely and she hasn’t made me feel this way. I’ve always been too sensitive to making mistakes and I think recently it’s just been hard, I’ve been going home every night crying because I feel so worthless. I’m studying in all my free time and trying so hard to improve. My supervisor said she’s actually really happy with me and that none of the mistakes are ever serious or show a lack of competence (basically it’s not big or important mistakes) it’s just little things that I can tell her annoy her because I should know better. And I look like an idiot. I got straight As in my exams in Uni and this is a career I’ve wanted since I was tiny. I know I need to toughen up, and that everyone gets critisism especially when they are learning but I feel so useless and like I never do anything right.

I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I just sort of needed to get it off my chest. I’ve spent all Saturday studying and getting upset because I feel so thick and crap at everything. I don’t want to tell my parents because they’re so proud of me and I don’t want them to be disappointed at how much of a failure I’m being. I don’t really know why I posted sorry, I just feel so exhausted with it all

You have imposter syndrome. You worked really hard to get where you are now and it’s a steep learning curve starting a new job. It is probably worth investing in some counselling sessions around a more helpful mindset wrt work. It sounds like nobody else perceives you to be failing.

I really feel for you OP as I have been there.
You’re young and learning and are putting too much pressure on yourself. It’s ok to make mistakes - it’s how we learn. Your supervisor is generally happy with your work- hold on to that thought. She may be tough but it sounds as if she has high standards so you’ll learn lots from her.
One important thing is to leave work/study behind when you finish for the day, you can’t change things by worrying and it really saps your energy. Look on your study as eating a mountain one bite at a time. If it all seems overwhelming then choose one small thing to learn well, and that’s one thing conquered. You can do this!
Mindfullness might help, along with guided meditation and yoga.
Look up Imposter Syndrome too.

Thank you so much for even reading my big long rant, and for offering advice. I don’t know why I posted, I just suddenly felt so overwhelmed and alone with it all and I needed to get it out. My parents keep asking how it’s going because they’re so proud and I can’t bear to upset or stress them out but it’s so difficult to pretend it’s all fine and rosey when actually it’s far from it. Thank you both very much for the advice it’s really helped x

To be honest, you sound like I did at the start of my career, and probably 75% of the graduates I have known at the start of their careers too.

Learning is never a smooth upward trajectory, its fits and starts and steps and plateaus. You can feel like you are on a plateau for a long time, or even going backward. Dont compare yourself to yesterday, or last week, but maybe think about where you were 3-6 months ago. There is likely to have been an improvement in that time, overall, better understanding, depth of knowledge, getting more practices, etc. WHo knows when the next leap forward will come? But another 3-6 months down the line you will have improved again, and in a years time, be unrecognisable

Sorry to hear this OP, I bet things are not as bad as they seem. I think you have very high expectations of yourself too and are carrying that around by not telling your family. Why are you trying to be perfect for them and others? Just say, really enjoying it but it’s pretty tough. Made a few mistakes which is to be expected but I’m giving it my best shot and will continue to work hard until I crack it and trying not to be too hard on myself in the meantime. Of course they’ll support you and you don’t have to pretend.

Good advice upthread. I’d also try to reframe your thinking. If you have a negative view of how things are going and are apprehensive, of course this will bleed in to your performance and how you feel during the day. Expect to make mistakes. Expect that’s going to happen for a while, but know in 3-6 months things will feel v different. Before bed thing of 3 really good things you DID RIGHT that day.

Good luck.

Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself some down time. I am a medic and all medics are like this, perfectionists at heart who are used to be being a* students. Many struggle to cope with the uncertainty of the working world and the extreme responsibility of the job.
Remember you are being trained and are progressing each day.
One trainee years ago nearly quit after a mistake, which didn’t harm anyone but they were terrified It might have. After some coaxing that it was important to ask when they didn’t know, there was no shame in that, they turned it round and became an excellent trainee.
please look after yourself in the General sense, perhaps some more play time might mean you are better able to focus and be resilient in the work place. Good luck. You have years ahead of you!!

I supervise graduates in a health related field while they do their professional exams, from your description it might even be your job.
You sound like you're doing great, making progress, not over confident.
Think about the progress you have made so far, you are not expected to be the finished article yet, in fact you will be learning through your whole career.
Chat to your supervisor about how you feel, they are there to support you.

Google positive affirmations for being confident at work. They help me

To be gentle honest you sound very depressed, please please see your GP. Sounds like you're putting way too much pressure on yourself , you're doing well chin up!

I could have written this
I've recently moved up a grade and into a new role
I'm making so many silly mistakes it's untrue
I'm ready to hand my notice in
Confidence is at an all time low
We'll get there together OP

I've changed trusts, I'm learning a new role and trying to be team leader, I've also had covid and lost a family member very unexpectedly
I've gone from 2 day's to 4 days
I'm knackered emotionally and physically

Well considering you’ve done so well academically, which is great, I don’t think you’ve ever encountered failure.

DD is exactly the same - failure is a good thing to learn, you become more resilient.

Failure isn’t a crime!! It’s a learning curve.

Not sure if this is helpful but apparently I have high standards for my juniors. All I ask is that they try their best. I have no problem with people making mistakes, that's how you learn, and if you don't understand something just ask that's why you have senior people overseeing you, so you can learn from them. I find a lot of people get very down when they make the tiniest insignificant mistakes but you're being so hard on yourself. You're young, you're learning. I'm almost 40 and I still make mistakes and still have so much to learn. That's fine. The day you stop learning and developing is the day you need to go and look for a new challenge. Just relax. You're doing fine. If your boss didn't think so they would tell you.

Oh OP.

i feel you. I’ve recently (past 6 months) started a new job that’s entirely new to me and the guy who’s training me isnt great at it and gets a bit annoyed when I make mistakes. It is so stressful.

best advice I can offer is - think is this life or death? And if the answer is no then breathe. Next think, will this matter in a years time? If the answer is no then breathe again.

also try some positive affirmations. You are good enough. You are smart enough and you are worthy of the job you have.

Everyone feels useless and makes mistakes at first in any job, especially at the start of their career.

Watch Stutz - the short documentary actor Jonah Hill made with his therapist. It is very good at giving you tools to overcome these feelings. One thing Stutz says is: accept reality. Life will always entail pain, uncertainty and constant work. Doesn't mean there isn't joy and satisfacction. But get used to the idea that it isn't easy and that's normal for everyone. He also says it's important to accept you are not perfect. Nor is any situation or action you undertake. Be kind to yourself about it an just keep moving forward in roughly the right direction.

If there are things you really feel you should have learned by now but haven't, look for new ways to help them sink in. Take notes, by hand. Or ask a specialist in the area you are struggling with - whether it's IT or bookkeeping etc to go over it with you in a lunch break, without your manager looking over your shoulder.

Don't forget self care - make sure you get out and exercise properly at least three times a week - a run, swim, bootcamp will lower your stress levels and raise your feelgood hormones.

Are there any other newly qualified people who you can meet for peer support? Do you have access to telephone counselling via an employee support line?

If the career is set up with this sort of training period, it is presumably because it's not expected that you should be able to get everything right by yourself yet.

It sounds like your supervisor is encouraging you as well as correcting you - perhaps tell her you're doubting yourself so that she can bear that in mind. It's easy to forget to balance the corrections with praise for getting tricky things right first time, or to reassure you that it's not expected that you get everything right yet.

I also agree with the suggestion of trying to connect with others in your position. When I did my main teaching practice, I was the only trainee in my school, and my course was an odd one so I didn't know anyone else doing teaching practice at other schools. I did have a friend who had recently qualified, and she was the only other person I knew having the same struggles. It was great when some other trainees appeared towards the end of the term.