AIBU to ask for help in strapping on a pair?

[PeapodBurgundy]

Bare with me, it's a long one, and I'm not going to come off well here!

I don't like putting people out, which is not a trait I want to obliterate, however I do need to stop creating masses of work for myself because my reflex response is to say 'oh that's fine' and deal with it myself, when actually, it's not fine.

Most recent example. There's been a new area developed at work with the intended purpose of helping my workplace create and develop working partnerships with local industry. When it's not been used for that express purpose, it can be used for other reasons. In November, I booked this space for somebody from a local business to come in and run an interactive workshop with my service users (for the want of another term). The first day back in January, we had our 'welcome back to work' briefing in there. Nothing was set up, people just grabbed a chair from a stack, they were re-stacked at the end.

I've had an email from the people who manage the space, saying they've set it up for an event which is happening at the end of the month, and basically can I manage with the room set up how it is so they don't have to change it around. I've spinelessly told them it's fine to leave the room that way and we'll manage. It's not fine, it's set up for an awards ceremony, the layout is completely inappropriate for my purposes, so I'll have to re-arrange the chairs, and manage without tables which I would have preferred. I'll then have to re-arrange the chairs again afterwards so the room is back to how I found it. It's a big space, there are around 150 chairs, so not a ten minute job. It's going to be a massive rush, I can't get into the room until the day of my booking, I can't arrive at work any earlier than I already do, as I can't drop the DC at their wraparound care any earlier than they already start.

They knew what I had it booked for, and knew about my booking before they set up for the awards ceremony. They have basically ignored my booking, and set the space up for the one after mine, as if mine isn't important. I'm annoyed with them over it, but I'm more annoyed with myself for not just outright telling them that the current layout won't work for the event I've booked in there, and asking them to set up the small group work areas I asked for.

Has anyone managed to kill off that initial impulse of 'I don't want to put people out', when in actual fact, all you're asking them to do is their job? I'm being a complete wet mop, and I need to stop it!

Overcoming the initial reaction is difficult, but you might feel the push to do that if you make yourself back track every time you make that mistake. So in this case, for instance, you make your self send an email saying “Sorry, I’ve just checked and it turns out I was wrong and the current set up is unsuitable for my needs. Could you please make sure tables are available and chairs aren’t left lined across the room.” (Or whatever you needs are).

If you do it enough, especially if it’s excruciating, it might make you curb your initial impulse. Feedback loops are some of the best training devices.

I would also recommend practicing stock phrases like “Let me get back to you on that.” So that when you do find yourself in that position you can give yourself the time to work up some anger on behalf of yourself and your service users (who are going to be the ones who suffer your lack of calm on the day as you fret about and sort out the room situation).

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Possibly the worst part about this, was the interaction was by email, I didn't need to reply straight away. My heart sank, yet there I go, replying to the email, agreeing to things which don't suit! I get so cross with myself! I'm getting better at saying no to things, if it just means that it doesn't get done so soon, or if it's legitimately not my responsibility and I have a lot on which is my responsibility.
But something about saying no to something when it means creating more work for the person I'm saying no to is still not happening.

I do agree that I need to backtrack and send another email.
I think I'll do it on Monday (which I should be doing in any case, we don't work weekends) so I can make out I've been down to look at the room and pretend I misunderstood the way he described the layout. They're glass walls, so I don't need access to the room to know the setup.

I could understand it if I'd booked it just because it was a free space, but I'm using it for the purpose it was made for.
Aside from anything else, it's one of the few spaces big enough to accommodate the amount of people who will be in it, all of the others are booked, so if I can't have the room I've booked, it means asking another staff member if they'd be able to accommodate a room swap as a one off.

Must be very frustrating. It’s not the worst trait in the world, but things will be easier if you can manage to truly believe your time is worth as much as anyone else’s!

Good luck back tracking and with your event.

How did your backtracking go, OP?

Surprisingly well, none of my limbs have dropped off! 😂

I sent an email on Monday, kept it simple, roughly equating to:

'Since our last email I've been past the Business Gateway, and I misunderstood how you meant it was set out. As it stands at present, we won't be able to carry out the planned activities. Could we please have tables set out in 10 seating groups of 8? The stage area and screens won't be touched by us, and can remain as they are'.

The room has been changed, and we're going to assist them in putting it back to the award ceremony setup at the end of our session. They're going to sort the chairs, we're going to fold down the tables and stack them on the trolley. I'm more than happy with that arrangement, as I have more spare time at the end of the event, and with their other commitments they have a tight timescale to turn the room around. Everyone is happy, and I'm much less frazzled.

Thank you for the advice, it was the gentle push in a sensible direction that I needed.

So glad to hear that, Peapod. Good luck with your event!