How are they supposed to leave home and be independent?

[BathNotBath]

sorry very long for full picture.

DC is 25. ASD (also related anxiety, depression, OCD and CFS)
school was difficult (mild and polite way of saying it - it was horrific). Left with 1 GCSE. Followed by a many years at college and ended up with a degree.
On the surface appears independent and capable but is still autistic with all the related issues (anxiety, depression, good days, bad phases). Is capable but often needs reminding to do basic things like eating, eating a meal at an appropriate time, and not junk, brushing hair, wearing appropriate clothes, doing washing, ordering meds, that sort of thing. Can and will do it independently most of the time but not reliably and when in a bad phase needs coaxing.

Now works quite happily in a supermarket. Earns just over minimum wage. But really can’t work full time as needs time to recover. That ASD thing about masking and holding it all together followed by exhaustion.

rent in this area is high and when you add on basic bills it’s more than she can earn.
She is no bother but could really do with being more independent. And nearby so we can keep an eye, tell her to clean up, train her to live like an adult - god knows what would happen if I got run over by a bus. Everything takes more time to learn.

PIP clam has just been declined. Too disabled to live and work like an average adult but not disabled enough for any additional support.

As others have said, supported housing is a real possibility for your daughter. A bedsit or one bedroomed flat, with a support worker on site for the residents could be the way forward. My friend did this for her son, he had struggled after GCSEs, had a breakdown then previously undiagnosed MH issues made him very difficult to live with. When my friend got to retirement age she realised she needed to find a way for her son , then in his late 20's, to live independently from her, but in a supportive residential setting. It absolutely turned out to be a godsend for both of them. Her son developed a social life with friends, that he had not previously had. He works in a garden centre and has fulfilment from earning his own money in an environment he enjoys and feels comfortable. My friend no longer worries what will happen to her son when she is no longer around, and his siblings are not concerned that they will feel obliged to take their brother into their homes. I hope you find a solution that suits both your daughter and yourself.

Hi Bath, nothing more to suggest as I'm in a smilar position with DS21 - the problem is not so much right now (unless hit by train, etc) but the inevitability that we parents/carers will become aged, less capable and die, leaving our ASD adult dc alone.

How to leave them in the best position to be independent and not taken advantage of after we are gone. It's a great concern of mine.

It’s kind of terrifying isn’t it. And if I did die suddenly the entire burden would be on to DD1. Which is also totally unfair and they’d almost certainly kill each other.

day to day she’s entirely fine (which is why I doubt she’d reach any criteria for supported living) but when there’s a blip it’s a big deal. And weirdly we are so entirely used to living with and adapting for ASD it’s entirely ‘normal’ for us so it’s only occasionally I even notice that it’s not ‘normal’. In theory she could just live independently, particularly if we are able to do stuff like setting up direct debits, helping her through things like boiler breakdowns and floods. once she’d been supported through the first few times stuff like that happens she’d be fine

Autism isn't a mental health disorder. It can cause mental health difficulties, but neurodiversity isn't something you can change which is why ND people are often unable to work or become fully independent.

People can recover from, or control, anxiety, OCD, depression etc. they can't control or recover from their neurodiversity.

one of the things that will hold her back is that rent help will be based on a room rate, rather than one bedroom rate, until she’s 35. That was one of the changes to housing benefits.