Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

family putting their hands in baby’s mouth

28 replies

Icancastaspell · 07/01/2023 16:21

What the above says really. MIL/FIL came round baby is 6 months old. Baby crying crying non stop with MIL and I have to keep asking for him back. I want him to have a good relationship with his grandma as she loves him to bits, however I REALLY struggle if he’s crying and someone doesn’t give him back to me.

So I said “please don’t be worried it’s not because he hasn’t seen you for a few weeks, he’s teething” (MIL went to Spain for Christmas).

She then proceeds to stick her fingers in his mouth to feel around for a tooth!!!
FIL stepped in for me and said “oh babe don’t put your unwashed hands in his mouth”

Relieved he had taken that on for me, we carried on our afternoon as a family. When I look over and she is rubbing his gums with her fingers going “yeah that feels good on your mouth doesn’t it”.

I looked shocked and FIL gave her a look of “stop that” and she did.

I think it’s just a bit gross and feel I should try to casually mention it to prevent there being a next time, or maybe make a big show of washing my hands before I touch his mouth next time we see her?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Swimswam · 07/01/2023 16:21

It’s fine. Wouldn’t worry me.

1hyuny · 07/01/2023 16:25

Yeah wouldn't bother me either.

TheShellBeach · 07/01/2023 16:27

Considering what babies voluntarily put in their mouths, I wouldn't mind this at all.

Original poster
Icancastaspell · 07/01/2023 16:27

TheShellBeach · 07/01/2023 16:27

Considering what babies voluntarily put in their mouths, I wouldn't mind this at all.

This is actually a fair point 😂 thank you for giving me a bit of perspective!

OP posts:
oudie · 07/01/2023 16:28

God don't make a big show of washing your hands then touching your babies mouth, your MIL will think you are crazy. Either tell her not to or don't. I wouldn't be fussed by this with a 6 month old tbh, 6 weeks maybe, but at 6 months they are mouthing all sorts anyway.

FictionalCharacter · 07/01/2023 16:28

There was a thread before about a MIL doing this. I’d do more than casually mention it, it would be a firm no and I wouldn’t let him hold her if she won’t listen to you. You washing your hands won’t give her any clues at all.

It’s just as bad that people won’t give your own baby back to you when he cries. The message from you and DH should be that if they persist in treating the baby like it’s theirs, and ignoring his mother, you’ll stay away from them.

5128gap · 07/01/2023 16:30

The hands in mouth would bother me a lot less than refusing you when you want him back. Its horrible when people do that.

constantpanic · 07/01/2023 16:31

Seriously? People wouldn’t mind somebody’s unwashed fingers in their mouths?
Why is it different that it’s a baby? Because they can’t protest?
i would not like this at all op, disgusting.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 07/01/2023 16:34

If your baby is 6mo presumably he puts everything in his mouth anyway, including his own fingers and stuff from the floor? I would be bothered with a younger baby or if I had reason to think MIL wasn’t following basic hygiene (Eg: washing hands after using bathroom, after handling raw meat etc) or if she’d been doing something very dirty (Eg: gardening, DIY) but otherwise I don’t think it’s a massive deal. That said, if it’s bothering you maybe try and offer an alternative like passing over a teething toy for her to offer your DS instead.

Flamingogirl08 · 07/01/2023 16:41

My 8 month old was trying to lick the floor earlier today so I wouldn't be too worried 😅

davegrohll · 07/01/2023 16:42

Nope I wouldn't like it either, I wouldn't want someone's dirty fingers in my mouth and I'm sure if my baby could understand it they wouldn't either !! I started a thread a while ago about a family member kissing my young baby on the lips and was basically told I was crazy Confused

GabriellaMontez · 07/01/2023 16:59

It's disgusting. Putting her fingers in someone's mouth!

She could've just been to the toilet and not washed her hands thoroughly. Sneezed into her hand.

I'm not precious about babies chewing toys etc but, adult hands/fingers/nails go everywhere, there's no need for this.

Say "please don't put your fingers in his mouth"

5128gap · 07/01/2023 17:24

MolkosTeenageAngst · 07/01/2023 16:34

If your baby is 6mo presumably he puts everything in his mouth anyway, including his own fingers and stuff from the floor? I would be bothered with a younger baby or if I had reason to think MIL wasn’t following basic hygiene (Eg: washing hands after using bathroom, after handling raw meat etc) or if she’d been doing something very dirty (Eg: gardening, DIY) but otherwise I don’t think it’s a massive deal. That said, if it’s bothering you maybe try and offer an alternative like passing over a teething toy for her to offer your DS instead.

I think you're overlooking the fact that these are MIL fingers! Well known to carry an especially high concentration of very dangerous germs. I can't imagine for a moment a MIL could be trusted to wash her hands properly after sneezing or the toilet when they can't be trusted to do anything else right.🙄

Cherrysoup · 07/01/2023 17:39

It would give me the absolute ick. Keep your ruddy hands out of my baby’s mouth!

phoenixrosehere · 07/01/2023 17:42

Sorry, but that’s disgusting. I have never put my fingers in my children’s mouth when they were babies and definitely wouldn’t let anyone else unless they were a medical professional and were wearing gloves.

You already have boundary issues from the sounds of things. She won’t give you YOUR baby back after you asked and has put her fingers unasked into their mouth to see if you the mother are correct about your child teething.

She can build a relationship when the baby is older and more settled. My second cried every time MIL held him or was alone with him from 6 months until he was almost 2. No idea why, only her and no one else. Now, he’s 5 and talks happily to her, has conversations via Skype and asks to go to her house all the time. We live about 4.5 hours away so obviously we can’t do that, but they have a lovely relationship now.

Kangarude · 07/01/2023 17:48

5128gap · 07/01/2023 17:24

I think you're overlooking the fact that these are MIL fingers! Well known to carry an especially high concentration of very dangerous germs. I can't imagine for a moment a MIL could be trusted to wash her hands properly after sneezing or the toilet when they can't be trusted to do anything else right.🙄

Show quote history

Spot on Grin

pelargoniums · 07/01/2023 17:49

I wouldn’t want someone’s fingers in my mouth, why do people think it’s OK if it’s a baby?

phoenixrosehere · 07/01/2023 17:53

5128gap · 07/01/2023 17:24

I think you're overlooking the fact that these are MIL fingers! Well known to carry an especially high concentration of very dangerous germs. I can't imagine for a moment a MIL could be trusted to wash her hands properly after sneezing or the toilet when they can't be trusted to do anything else right.🙄

Show quote history

Why would FIL say they were unwashed? Why would he lie about his own wife?

TheShellBeach · 07/01/2023 18:09

constantpanic · 07/01/2023 16:31

Seriously? People wouldn’t mind somebody’s unwashed fingers in their mouths?
Why is it different that it’s a baby? Because they can’t protest?
i would not like this at all op, disgusting.

I think the point is that babies put things into their own mouths all the time which are not sterile or even clean.

One of mine ate from the cat's bowl once, and babies are terrors for dropping their toys on the floor, crawling after them, and then putting them to their mouths.

davegrohll · 07/01/2023 18:11

But surely the point is a baby doesn't know any better so of course they put things in their mouth! An adult should know it's not okay to put unwashed hands in a babies mouth

MajorCarolDanvers · 07/01/2023 18:16

At 6 months babies will put anything and everything in their mouths.

I really wouldn't worry.

TheRubyRedshoes · 07/01/2023 18:23

Op , I wouldn't like this at all!

It's awful I wouldn't put my own in my Babies??

Have you ever done one of those ultra violet light things to see how much grime is left on hand's even after washing.

At this particular time of year with so many nasty bugs going around I'd say it's one challenge your poor baby does. Not. Need.

Say because of everything we are going through re step/COVID/flu you would appreciate her not putting her fingers into babies mouth.
If she continues to do it you know it's a power move and nothing else the. Keep calling her out every single time and ask for baby back.

Moon5 · 07/01/2023 18:27

I wouldn’t like this at all, OP. I’d have to ask her to stop

Emmamoo89 · 07/01/2023 18:36

Wouldn't bother me

robindeer · 07/01/2023 18:39

I absolutely hate this, especially when the person has long fingernails. 🤢

You are not alone, OP!