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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When you're having a bit of a moan and people try to outdo you...

8 replies

cableguyy · 07/01/2023 14:52

Isn't this so frustrating ??

MIL was asking about my return to work the other day after baby and I said I'll be going back soon and see how I get on with things, as do to whether I'll continue my job in exactly the same way OR perhaps find something different - have some more time out etc.

I have an extremely high pressured job. So does my husband. He works away a lot, so the running of the household and basically all childcare or picking up collecting the kids from nursery, is entirely my responsibility. I'm finding it a lot and I'm still on maternity leave..

My husband is maybe here one day a week at most and sometimes away for a week or so at a time for work. I eat dinner alone with my babies every night, get them up and ready alone etc. I'm not trying to get the violins out, but it's a lot.

Money is not tight for us. We are both well paid, so at least there is that.

In any case, I'm going to give going back to work a shot in the same set up as previously, but I already found it very difficult when I just had one child. Now I have two. Ideally it will all work out, but it's a lot on me and I'm not going to kill myself too chase the huge salary. Perhaps a less high profile role which is a bit worse paid, may work better. But I'm definitely determined to give it a go, to try and make things work the way they did before.

I have a cleaner once a week and outsource things like ironing of my husband's shirts. Everything else, I do. Anyway, again, not wanting to sound the violin...

It was just a casual chat anyway. A bit unnecessary if you ask me. But I said that yeah I'll be looking to go back soon and hope I get on OK, as it's a lot for me.

MIL goes, I've been there. It was so extremely tough for me.. I went back to work as soon as I had my babies and I did it all. I had no maternity leave and no one ever helped me. I also didn't have a cleaner or anyone to help with laundry etc and no help from a nanny and my kids didn't go to nursery until they were much older and I still managed everything all on my own and worked full time....

it's actually factually untrue and also impossible... she did not work full time like I will for example. She worked very part time. How can you possibly go back to work with babies and no childcare in place ? I know for a fact it's a bare faced lie, because my husband told me.

Anyway, it's not the point.. it's just frustrating when people do this ! Why do you need to top me? Why couldn't she just say, see how you go and good luck with it. Having kids is not easy, I also really struggled to get everything done.

OP posts:
LlamaLlamaDramaDrama · 07/01/2023 15:22

I always mutter 'hole in road' from that four Yorkshire men skit when my MIL does this (under my breath, I don't have a death wish...)
Agree it's annoying

Good luck with back to work!

bellac11 · 07/01/2023 15:25

I think often its an attempt to try to show they understand what you're feeling, but it doesnt always come across that way or isnt delivered very well

daisychain01 · 07/01/2023 15:28

In a weird sort of a way it sounds like your MIL was trying to empathise but fell at the first hurdle by reminding you how much more difficult it was back then etc. It probably came out all wrong but I don't think she seems like she's deliberately doing you down.

Some people just come out with all sorts of crap instead of stopping digging when they're in a hole!

daisychain01 · 07/01/2023 15:30

Lol @bellac11 👍 exactly

Runningintolife · 07/01/2023 15:44

Can your husband take a step back so that you can minimise the impact of motherhood on your career progression? Then hopefully our daughters generation won't be having the same conversation with their mils in the future while burning out.

Tothemoonandbackx · 07/01/2023 21:12

I've been really ill lately with this cold that's been going round. I work full time and my 4 year old is still off of nursery as they don't go back till next week, and even then, it's only three mornings a week, also a single parent, I have a medical condition that I have to keep under control but being ill obviously makes it worse and its harder to control. All of this, and everytime she pops round, (she's also got the same cold) it's so much harder for her.........she works 15 hours a week, is a fit adult with no kids, so has more time to rest. I've not eaten for the past full week, as in not a morsel of food (which has given me obvious total lack of energy) as it's made me physically sick when I've tried. She's nog eaten for the past two weeks!!!!!.....except Christmas Dinner, tea, Boxing day, the day after that, amd that etc etc etc.....but no, she's not had anything either. Everything about my illness is NOTHING compared to hers.......not exactly a competition I want to be winning 🙄🙄🙄 any hint of me getting better is met with.....well it can't be as bad as what I've got 😬😬😬

Tothemoonandbackx · 07/01/2023 21:13

This is about my dear mother by the way, not my daughter 😂

Notplayingball · 07/01/2023 21:16

Otherwise known as the "extra sausage" effect.

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