To feel intimidated by this group of mums

[Januaryistheworstmonth]

I live abroad, so a very sort of mixed ex pat situation. DD’s friend and their families are our friends too, all the children go to different schools-mainly different, private, international schools, some state schools but different ones due to area.
Dd has just started at the local state school, there is a group of British mums with their children there, they all socialise together etc. I don’t really know them, but no of them casually and they me, one kindly sent me a message at the start saying that she’d probably run into me during the school run etc, we haven’t as of yet.
Dd has been invited to one of the mums Dds party next week, Dd likes this girl and I know I’ll have to go, but I also know it will be this group of mums who have known each other for ages and are very tight..as are my group of friends. For some reason, I just find this group intimidating and really don’t want to go, it’s bizarre. I’ve always had lots of friends but am not great meeting new people always, well, not in groups and I’m just dreading it tbh.
Anyone had similar or understand how I feel?
I suppose they’re all very strong, good looking, trendy women, as have been a lot of my friends 🤷🏻‍♀️I suppose it’s just the fact they’re always in a group and all know each other

oh …Give it a rest! So sick of OPs having to justify every word of their OWN post to muppets who deliberately ask the most moronic of questions just to try and ‘start something’, take a day off! 🙄

@jays It’s so true 🙈there seem to be a lot of angry people today

You will get to know them by going to parties etc.
Give it time.

OP, think about what advice you would give to your DD in this sort of scenario, and go from there.

Give it a chance, the mums at DD’s nursery are all a lot younger than me and definitely better looking/dressed wealthier probably as well. I turn up to stuff for DD. I see it like the part of a job where you have to stand up to present. No you don’t want to do it but it needs to be done so may as well stick a smile on your face and crack on. Turns out they were all really really lovely. No they probably aren’t going to be my besties but they are nice intelligent people, there are worse ways to spend my time.

Try not focusing on yourself and how people perceive you what you are going to talk about etc. Really listen to what people are saying and focus on them. It helps with social anxiety of any kind really.

I find if I'm feeling like that it helps to break the ice by mentioning how I'm feeling.
Then you've given yourself permission to feel how you feel and they're likely to try to help you feel more comfortable.

Being an expat mum, I'd just say go for it and get stuck in. Most expats are more than happy to include new faces as they can be such transient friendships often. It's the nature of the beast that new people come and go and they will be used to it and, I imagine, que pretty welcoming. Don't be deceived by appearances.

@Lndnmummy I don’t suppose you have a link to that TED talk?

Is there one of ten group you think might be a potential friend? Could you suggest meeting for a coffee? Less daunting than a group thing.

Some of those women will be facing the same fears as you.
Lift you head up, paste a smile on your face introduce yourself and mingle.

Where on earth did OP say it wasn't OK. She just said she felt nervous of going!

OP it's totally normal to have some anxiety in this kind of situation. I wouldn't put too much pressure on it at all. Obviously you're not going to suddenly be absorbed into their tight friendship group so just hope to get through the event having said hi to everyone and being friendly. Most people are nice enough not to be ridiculously judgmental (most of us have our spotlight very tightly focused on ourselves - we're far more worried about how we come across to look out for flaws in other people). You'll be fine - you're clearly a sociable person and you just need to get through a few hours making idle chit chat.

I was also an expat and found the expat community was much more welcoming to newcomers than people back in the UK. We got so used to people coming and going (and remember being new ourselves) that we happily absorbed newcomers into our fold. I found it much wprse back in the UK where most people already have friendship groups and don't really want to know.

It depends what you want out of the situation. I'm friendly with the mums at my daughters school. Will go to parties and pass polite conversation and that's great. My daughter is invited to events, it's not awkward for me, but I wouldn't consider them to be close friends more acquaintances. And that suits me fine. If you have anxiety about meeting them why not set yourself up for a similar relationship friendly but not close friends.

Just go with the flow. Also my motto in life (a new one) not everyone has to like you and vice versa. Just meet them and don't over think it. Have a nice coffee, maybe nice food - then leave. They don't have to consume your thoughts and become best friends or become enemies- just go with the flow

I do! Can't manage to Tedtalk

Sorry hope the link works!

Get there early, offer to help the host. Talk one to one with the new parents that arrive. Keep your body language relaxed and be open to new people. If they club together and ostracise others, help in the kitchen!!
Br a good role model for dd this is part of life op - be easy, breezy and chilled