Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To not know why I am this sad?

18 replies

LilacRain12 · 07/01/2023 13:36

I am well into my thirties and have this lovely motherly colleague who had made me feel valued, appreciated and has said some really lovely things to me. She also gives me a big hug every morning which I know not everyone would like but for me, who gets no hugs at all in my life, it means a lot.
I'm single, no kids and live alone so it's nice I have this.
Now she is leaving and I'm really upset about it and in turn, feeling annoyed with myself as I shouldn't be so immature about her going. It's part of life after all. I know that people will suggest we can stay in touch and meet up but I doubt she will have the time as has a very busy life with a new job, her own family and grandkids etc. Aibu to be feeling like this?

OP posts:

sittingonabranch · 07/01/2023 14:06

You're not being unreasonable at all, you've found a friend who makes you feel valued and cared for and you're going to miss her as that comfort is being taken away.

Hopefully you will be able to keep in touch with her, I know people have busy lives but everyone needs friends.

Do you have any hobbies where you can meet people and ensure your friendship circle grows? You dont mention anything about other friends so sorry if you actually have a close circle and that was a rubbish suggestion

ssd · 07/01/2023 14:09

Its lovely you have clicked with her so much and I'm sure you are filling a hole in her life too. The fact she gives you a hug makes me think she's very fond of you. I'd definitely try to keep in touch. You say she might have a busy life but she might not be so busy as you think. We all need friends, company and companionship.

Original poster

LilacRain12 · 07/01/2023 21:54

Thanks all. Don't feel so stupid now, I hope she won't forget about me and that we can stay in touch

OP posts:

TotallyAverage · 07/01/2023 22:02

There's no reason that with effort you can't remain friends and develop a close relationship long term. Even having a friendship via text can be comforting and rewarding for you both (in fact most of my friendships involve a lot of texting now as we are all too far away and busy to meet regularly). When we do see each other it's lovely but in between we still remain close.

You shouldn't feel bad about being close to someone and being sad they won't be in your life so much. That's the very essence of humanity!

Aquamarine1029 · 07/01/2023 22:12

You're not being silly at all. This is a real loss for you. She sounds like such a lovely person, and I bet if you make the effort, you will remain friends.

pattihews · 07/01/2023 22:20

Sending a big virtual hug. Your response seems absolutely appropriate to me. You've got a lovely supportive friendship with this good woman and now she's leaving. If she didn't matter to you, you wouldn't be feeling this grief.

Can you arrange to meet up occasionally and keep this lovely friendship going? I hope so. Good luck.

5YearsLeft · 07/01/2023 22:24

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable.

I mean, I felt unreasonably sad when my favorite pharmacist down at the chemist’s left. She was incredibly kind to me at a time when my health was just getting worse and worse. We all need people who are randomly kind to us in life; it helps us get through it all.

As others have mentioned, being overly sad about these “losses” can be a bit of a wake up call, that if we’re able, we might need to try to connect a bit more with the world. You know you’re going to miss the kindness and affection you received from your colleague. Perhaps it’s time to look at your friendships; as a PP asked, do you have any hobbies? Anyone you can just have a cup of tea with? It can be hard to make connections, I feel, once you reach a certain age, but this is a reason to try different things, not to give up.

1hyuny · 07/01/2023 22:53

What about your own mum and family? Are you not close?

Want2beme · 07/01/2023 22:55

I'd say she'll miss you as well. She gives you hugs and treats you kindly, so I don't think she'll end contact with you. It's lovely that you've had her in your life.

ssd · 08/01/2023 12:00

Make sure you make the effort to keep in touch though. Don't be one of those people who fall at the first hurdle waiting for someone to return a call or a text. Keep making the effort cos it sounds like she adds value to your life.

ShakespearesBlister · 08/01/2023 12:02

Just be honest with her. Tell her you are going to miss her and would like to keep in contact.

Original poster

LilacRain12 · 08/01/2023 12:13

I have been honest and told her that I will really miss her and she was the one who suggested keeping in touch. But I think when she starts her new role, gets to know everyone then she wont really be thinking about me.
Just feel sad as everyday I come into work and her just being there makes me feel valued and supported. She is honestly just so kind and loving and it's just really sad. I know it's life, just sad in a selfish way for myself but as everyone has said here, it's life and human nature to miss that. She brings something to my life that is lacking elsewhere

OP posts:

Wingedharpy · 08/01/2023 12:20

Do you have a Mum?

Original poster

LilacRain12 · 08/01/2023 12:24

I do but don't want to go further into that

OP posts:

Wingedharpy · 08/01/2023 12:42

It sounds like she's become a bit of a surrogate mum to you.

My own mum died when I was 18.

Fast forward many years and I was sent on a week's residential course from work, with a colleague (older woman) from another department.

I didn't really know this lady but I knew of her.
She had a bit of a reputation for being a bit of a battleaxe.

She was bringing her husband along too (he was the driver) and she offered me a lift to and from venue and advised where they would be staying and offered to book a room for me in the same place.

I took her up on the offer and we had a lovely time.

It wasn't like work at all - it was like spending a week's holiday with your Mum and Dad.

She was totally different to what I had imagined and was warm, caring and truly lovely to me.
I felt very "looked after" - in a good way.

Sometimes, we don't really know what's missing in our lives until someone else provides it.

Original poster

LilacRain12 · 08/01/2023 12:44

That's exactly it @Wingedharpy . That's how I feel.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 08/01/2023 12:52

But I think when she starts her new role, gets to know everyone then she wont really be thinking about me.

No, she probably won’t- she’ll be at work, thinking about work.

But when you text her, she’ll be thinking of you, as she will when she replies to you. When you suggest a cup of tea or s drink one afternoon after work, she’ll be thinking of you.

You’ll have to invest a bit of effort in a way you don’t have to with the assurance you’ll see her every day at work, but if you invest the effort there’s no reason to think you won’t have it returned.

HuntingoftheSnark · 08/01/2023 13:03

Some of my close friends are people I've worked with along the way. Some of them I'm close enough to that I have kind of forgotten that's our link. I definitely think she was being sincere about staying in touch! I'm close to someone I work with now, and I'm 100% sure we'll meet for coffee if one of us ever left. Your feelings are completely natural.

Flip