To think friend hasnt been a friend?

33 replies

chelseagirl81 · 07/01/2023 11:55

DH runs a small mechanics business and employs my friend in admin. She has 2 kids, is married unhappily and wants to leave. Friend wanted a payrise a few months ago and DH felt he couldnt justify it and so said he’d help her out by giving her money over a few months himself from his own money. He didnt tell me at the time. He is very generous with money and I dont suspect any funny business. (This came out in a row about something else and he told me to demonstrate how good he is! So suspect I’d never have known otherwise).

However I am annoyed: a) that he didnt tell me at the time (i wouldve thought it was really kind of him) and

b) she didnt ask him if I knew and was ok with it. She has never mentioned it to me.

In her shoes I would have asked “is DW ok with this?”

I havent raised with her yet but I just dont see her as my friend any more.

Aibu?

OP posts:

AlisonDonut · 07/01/2023 13:44

Employers can't give staff money without going through they system, that would be called 'tax evasion'.

FromTheFront2theBack · 07/01/2023 13:53

YABU about your friend. I would find it a massive overstep if DH helped out a friend and they started checking out whether I was OK with it. I feel like communication in my marriage is my business and it would be odd to think DH wouldn't tell me about something and that I'd need a friend to interefere on my behalf.

Aprilx · 07/01/2023 15:13

Poppins2016 · 07/01/2023 12:03

I wouldn't ever ask my employer if their spouse was comfortable with their actions/decisions at work, that would be very strange behaviour! If I was her I would probably have assumed it was company money/a 'bonus' of sorts (unless explicitly told otherwise... in which case I'd think it was odd but still not ask about whether his wife was ok with it).

If he is giving her money in his capacity as an employer, then it should be going through the payroll system and employer and employee tax should be paid accordingly.

If he is giving her money as a friend, then I think he should have discussed it with his wife, the OP.

Lockedinforwinter · 07/01/2023 15:16

The issue here is definitely with your DH and not your friend. I'm a bit confused as to why it isn't him you are furious with?

Aprilx · 07/01/2023 15:28

Aprilx · 07/01/2023 15:13

If he is giving her money in his capacity as an employer, then it should be going through the payroll system and employer and employee tax should be paid accordingly.

If he is giving her money as a friend, then I think he should have discussed it with his wife, the OP.

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And to OP, yes YABU to be annoyed with your friend and not your husband!

BubziOwl · 07/01/2023 15:47

I'd be very suspicious of this... especially if you're splitting up

Surely there's tax issues here too

BubziOwl · 07/01/2023 15:47

Oh and yes, it's a husband problem

Herejustforthisone · 07/01/2023 16:07

I’m not sure why you think this is about you, really. Also your husband’s business practices are very strange.

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