Fast question

8 replies

Cofis · 07/01/2023 10:45

I divorced my dh last year. Not bio parent of my children 14 and 19, but they Call him dad, have Been in Their lives for 13 years. No other dad.
After divorce, ex only bothers with youngest. 19 is hurt. Now youngest talk about holiday with dad. No mention of older brother.
Ex and i are not speaking, he hate me for leaving.
How would you handle this?

OP posts:

Notimeforaname · 07/01/2023 10:55

It's not for you to handle. At 19 they are an adult and your ex has no obligation to take them on holiday.

I agree its horrible, nasty to single out one. But you cant control it.
You could encourage 19 year old to speak up to ex about this but other than that I'm not sure what else you can do.

VladmirsPoutine · 07/01/2023 11:00

It's a tricky situation. Why did you ultimately choose to divorce? I don't think even if he was their bio dad at 19 you can really have much to do with their relationship. It's shit to leave the older one out but realistically you can't get too involved in it. I would take the position of being more of a listening ear to your 19 yr old and letting them express their frustration with no judgement and some empathy. If he hates you, I'd also be somewhat cautious over the relationship with the 13yr old too - you don't want to have to deal with 'Your mum left me but look at what I wonderful man I am taking you on holiday and still being in your life.'

fajitaaaa · 07/01/2023 11:02

Not for you to deal with really. I'd probably let the 19 year old moan and provide a listening ear. And the youngest, while ex interested now I'd be wary he'll drop them too.

KangarooKenny · 07/01/2023 11:03

As he doesn’t bother with the 19yr old I don’t see why he would take him on holiday.

SantaBakula · 07/01/2023 11:04

As horrid as it is he is not their bio dad and the 19 yr old is a adult , i dont think there is much you can do.
can you and the 19 Yr old go on a holiday at the same time or would you feel bad for not taking the youngster

DuplicateUserName · 07/01/2023 11:05

It's up to them to sort out between them.

Mark19735 · 07/01/2023 11:08

You mention that the 19yo is the brother. What sex is the 14yo? And/or what made you wary about the ex to make you leave him after 13 years? Alarm bells ..

Original poster

Cofis · 07/01/2023 12:15

Thank you for your replies
Youngest is a Girl.
Mostly i left because ex was always working, tired or angry. Was never interested in Family life. Sulked, sex pest and moody egen home.
I Will stay out of it.
Youngest suddenly idolizes him. They Were never close, but apparently i ruined her life, by divorcing..

OP posts:

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