Page 2 | To just give up?

BlüeöysterCunt · 2023-01-07T03:15:39+00:00

I've spoken about this before under a different username. I started a new job six months ago after being at college/uni for three years (online for most of it due to COVID restrictions). I work in a call centre. In the six months I've had two bad flus and a bereavement resulting in me having a lot of time off. Almost a month ago I caught the most recent flu and I was in bed for a week really ill, went back to work as started to feel better but after 8 days became very ill again and ended up on steroids and antibiotics (amoxicillin and prednisolone) with a serious chest infection. I've already had a probationary meeting extending my probation by three months, and now I have a disciplinary to look forward to next week. To make matters worse I now have a dental abscess, can't eat anything and vomited violently at work today. I'm on metronidazole for it and have an appointment next Weds. I'm also now coughing up grey sludge (still have cough and wheezing from chest infection but why grey? It was dark green before. TMI, sorry.) If it's relevant I'm also being assessed for asthma and have a follow up appointment later in the month. The work thing is stressing me out so much my anxiety is through the roof. I'm not an unreliable person, I'm never late and I work hard. I can't help being ill, especially when everyone in the office comes into work when they're sick. There is no airflow and I seem to catch everything. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't properly recover from anything because I'm so scared of losing my job that I feel rushed back to work. I'm petrified of getting ill again and it's making me sick with worry. I feel like saying fuck it and getting a sick line from my doctor because I'm so stressed by the whole thing. I'm really reaching the end of my tether and am having some pretty dark thoughts. I know this is AIBU so I'll probably be torn to shreds but oh well, it's not like things can get much worse 😬

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 07/01/2023 09:42

AmyHayC · 07/01/2023 06:30

Please get a sick note, and consider applying for remote jobs. There are quite a few call centre-esque jobs you can do from home now.

Also, when it comes to a reference, lie. Get a friend or something to do it. Or you ask for a letter proving you worked there dates from and to.

Get well soon no job is worth your health.

This. There are loads of remote jobs on LinkedIn.

UnknownElement · 07/01/2023 10:04

Being asked to call in every day was standard where I used to work.
Please take note of @watchfulwishes advice, it is far better to be honest, don’t lie about references.

Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 07/01/2023 20:27

kissthegirlshesnotbehindthedoor · 07/01/2023 04:34

If you can manage it financially, I would get signed off but knowing you won't go back. Try and recover quietly, then find something else.

And gently: if you went to uni, why are you working in a call centre - is this a stop-gap job?

I can't manage it financially but I guess the question is can I afford to continue to get more and more run down? As I have a disciplinary next week I'm not sure what will happen with that if I get signed off - do you still have to attend? I've never had one before.

I got my HND at college and started uni but the course wasn't for me so didn't finish the first year. It's a stop-gap job but at the same time I lack confidence and was just grateful that someone employed me.

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Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 07/01/2023 20:34

jelly79 · 07/01/2023 08:27

I hope you get well soon OP

I work in this industry and they should be supporting you and from a business POV trying to retain you and bring you back to work with a duty of care to your health

My advice would be to attend the meeting with all your supporting evidence of your absences

Don't get signed off whilst getting a new job to resign.
They can't give you a bad reference and won't declare reason for leaving so you will have your dates of employment and job title on there
They should also be able to provide support if you request, reduced hours until you get well, EAP also

Good luck

I don't really have any evidence as such - both times I had the flu I was advised to manage at home and only go to the doctor if it got worse which it did in the second instance. The bereavement they have my sick line already, and for my chest infection although it was a result of the flu I couldn't get a sick line as it was a new absence and you have to self certify for 7 days.

There's plenty on my medical records about mental health etc and me being monitored for asthma but I don't think I'd be able to get any evidence of this by next week.

I want to get signed off but at the same time I just don't want this situation to get any worse. Maybe reduced hours would be an option. The place is a shit show to be honest - there are new policies put in palace every day, things change constantly and nobody knows what they're doing.

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Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 07/01/2023 20:38

Quveas · 07/01/2023 08:35

Wow, there's some scary advice on here. Posters willing to provide false references. Advising the OP to lie. Saying that things can't be said in references.

OP - ignore 75% of the advice you've had - it's dishonest or worng or both.

Sometimes shit happens. This is your turn. Don't beat yourself up over things you can't control. And also call centres are notoriously bad in the main.

But - reality check - it would appear that you are well on the way to losing this job. So I would suggest that you concentrate on getting fit and healthy again. If you need to take more time off work, then get a fit note and do it. If they need to dismiss you, then you can't stop them. So focus on what you can control which is getting better and stronger for the next (better) job.

Decent employers understand that sometimes people have bad runs of stuff. So yes, potential employers will ask about sickness etc. Just tell them the truth. What they want to hear is not how sick you were, but what you have done to get past this, so that they can feel confident that it was just a bad run of luck. Six months probably feels like an eternity right now, but in the grand scheme of things, and especially right now, having a run of illnesses over six months isn't the problem, it's making sure that it doesn't continue. So trying and trying to not be off ill when you are ill is actually making it worse.

Get the sick note. Take time to recover. If you are dismissed just double down on getting a new job and showing them that you've turned this bad stretch around. As a recruiting manager I can tell you that that means far more to me - I am not really all that bothered about your attendance at the last workplace, but what it will be for me.

Thank you for this.

To be honest with you I would never lie about reference I'm far too paranoid and anxious to do that.

What you're saying is right - I'm trying so hard not to be ill that I'm just making myself stressed and getting even more ill. Probably the sensible thing to do is get my health sorted so that I can have a fresh start at a new job. I guess there's no valour in working yourself into the ground.

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Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 07/01/2023 20:40

Fireflygal · 07/01/2023 08:46

Are you living with parents? Depending on the financial situation my preference be to resign ahead of being let go. Can you take holidays?

If you are newly out of Uni it's fine to have a few starter jobs before finding something that works for you. If the environment doesn't have access to fresh air it may not be suitable for you anyway.

No! I'm late thirties and been working since I was 14 😬 never been in this position before. I've never even had a warning. I went back to studying a few years ago. I do have a partner who will support me though in whatever I need to do to get back on my feet.

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Stopthebusplease · 07/01/2023 21:10

OP I was SO relieved when I read your last post about having a partner who will support you! I have been in your situation, and it is HORRIBLE! Strangely enough, my daughter is currently in your situation too, in fact she has a warning for sickness coming up next week too. For me, I went through divorce, followed by some really dreadful life challenges, which caused so much stress that I frequently lost my voice. I was in sales, and obviously couldn’t work with no voice, so after admittedly several periods of time off, I actually had a visit at home, on a SUNDAY, from my boss, telling me that if I didn’t go in the next day, I would not have a job to come back to! This only stressed me even more, so being around your age, and no push over, I went over his head, and contacted his boss, who was furious that I’d been harassed at home while sick, and I was told that I should rest for as long as necessary until I was fully recovered, and that words would be had! I was so relieved as I had a mortgage and bills to pay, and I feel sure that the pressure of that was making things even worse. Needless to say, no sooner was I back on my feet, than I started looking for a new job, as the atmosphere between me and my direct boss, was horrendous, but at least I managed to leave of my own accord.
So my advice to you, would be to get signed off by your GP, and take the time you need to fully recover. While doing this, start job hunting, there are SO many opportunities out there at the moment, that I feel sure you’ll have no problem finding something, and at interview if you have to disclose sickness, be upfront, tell them that you had a bereavement and that your current work environment encourages bugs and virus to spread like wildfire, due to a lack of fresh air, etc. If you’re then turned down for the job you’ve applied for, you can be pretty sure, that they too are shit employers, and you’re better off without that particular job!

Good luck & get well soon.

Quveas · 07/01/2023 21:35

Stopthebusplease · 07/01/2023 21:10

OP I was SO relieved when I read your last post about having a partner who will support you! I have been in your situation, and it is HORRIBLE! Strangely enough, my daughter is currently in your situation too, in fact she has a warning for sickness coming up next week too. For me, I went through divorce, followed by some really dreadful life challenges, which caused so much stress that I frequently lost my voice. I was in sales, and obviously couldn’t work with no voice, so after admittedly several periods of time off, I actually had a visit at home, on a SUNDAY, from my boss, telling me that if I didn’t go in the next day, I would not have a job to come back to! This only stressed me even more, so being around your age, and no push over, I went over his head, and contacted his boss, who was furious that I’d been harassed at home while sick, and I was told that I should rest for as long as necessary until I was fully recovered, and that words would be had! I was so relieved as I had a mortgage and bills to pay, and I feel sure that the pressure of that was making things even worse. Needless to say, no sooner was I back on my feet, than I started looking for a new job, as the atmosphere between me and my direct boss, was horrendous, but at least I managed to leave of my own accord.
So my advice to you, would be to get signed off by your GP, and take the time you need to fully recover. While doing this, start job hunting, there are SO many opportunities out there at the moment, that I feel sure you’ll have no problem finding something, and at interview if you have to disclose sickness, be upfront, tell them that you had a bereavement and that your current work environment encourages bugs and virus to spread like wildfire, due to a lack of fresh air, etc. If you’re then turned down for the job you’ve applied for, you can be pretty sure, that they too are shit employers, and you’re better off without that particular job!

Good luck & get well soon.

I'd agree with most of this, but some of it is out of date. An employer cannot legally ask about sickness until they have made an offer. So I would not raise anything until an offer is made, and then immediately tell them. If it puts them off, then best to know first up. But if you explain it then a good employer will listen and probably understand.

Also, don't criticise your past employer or workplace. It didn't come across well. Stay neutral. They'll respect it more. You explain simply that a bereavement and illness knocked you for six, you couldn't quite get over it, so you took some time to rebuild, and now your are raring to go at a new role.

Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 09/01/2023 11:51

Not sure if anyone is still reading but here with an update.

I thought I'd give it one last shot so I went into work today and asked if I could take some annual leave effective immediately and they said no because it would be 'masking my sickness' which is not my intention I just really need some rest where I don't need to think about work. They wouldn't give me unpaid leave either because of their figures. Apparently. There is nobody else off on holiday or anything. I didn't think it was that unusual to take annual leave for this reason.

So I said I'm just going home then as basically if I don't rest then I'm going to get worse and that I'll send my sick line in tomorrow. I'm not sure whether I've done the right thing but it's done now. And I can't see me going back there.

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WomanhoodIsABirthright · 10/01/2023 08:40

Get on to agencies today, even if its to line up temp work once you are better. They do have perm or contract jobs too obviously.

There used to be a good site called agency central where you could put in your trade or profession and it would give you all the agencies that dealt with that.

But recently, I've had more luck with the job board on LinkedIn.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 10/01/2023 08:42

It's still going www.agencycentral.co.uk/

This site also has lots of remote jobs if that would suit you better for a while www.charityjob.co.uk/administration-jobs?workplace=remote&radius=20

Sugarplumfairy65 · 10/01/2023 09:21

I'm so sorry that you're going through this op and I hope your health improves soon.
This is exactly why people with life limiting illness and disabilities can find it so hard to work.
It was only last weekend on a mumsnet thread that posters were saying that the majority of people on disability benefits should be made to do some kind of work. It can be hard enough when you are usually a healthy person who has a run of bad health. Imagine what its like with a life limiting illness

Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 10/01/2023 23:02

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 10/01/2023 08:42

It's still going www.agencycentral.co.uk/

This site also has lots of remote jobs if that would suit you better for a while www.charityjob.co.uk/administration-jobs?workplace=remote&radius=20

Thank you for this - I'm going to take a couple of weeks off (been signed off today by the doctor) and then start looking if I'm feeling better.

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Original poster

BlüeöysterCunt · 10/01/2023 23:03

Sugarplumfairy65 · 10/01/2023 09:21

I'm so sorry that you're going through this op and I hope your health improves soon.
This is exactly why people with life limiting illness and disabilities can find it so hard to work.
It was only last weekend on a mumsnet thread that posters were saying that the majority of people on disability benefits should be made to do some kind of work. It can be hard enough when you are usually a healthy person who has a run of bad health. Imagine what its like with a life limiting illness

Absolutely awful I can't even imagine.

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Nicecow · 10/01/2023 23:06

watchfulwishes · 07/01/2023 06:39

Also, when it comes to a reference, lie. This is really bad advice!

Don't do this! Very bad advice!!

CrunchyCarrot · 10/01/2023 23:21

Your health is the most precious thing you have. You need to look after yourself and recover from the stresses and illnesses you've had, or else risk maybe damaging your health further.

AmyHayC · 10/01/2023 23:57

Nicecow · 10/01/2023 23:06

Don't do this! Very bad advice!!

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Unfortunately it's the truth of real life. Those who are honest literally talk themselves out of a job. For most roles at the level the OP seems to be working at, references are quite straightforward confirming dates worked, role, and if they'd recommend them. After working in recruitment for 10 years, I've seen amazing people get refused for a shortlist because they've had bouts of sickness. So yes I would continue to advise this in this situation.

AmyHayC · 11/01/2023 00:04

BlüeöysterCunt · 09/01/2023 11:51

Not sure if anyone is still reading but here with an update.

I thought I'd give it one last shot so I went into work today and asked if I could take some annual leave effective immediately and they said no because it would be 'masking my sickness' which is not my intention I just really need some rest where I don't need to think about work. They wouldn't give me unpaid leave either because of their figures. Apparently. There is nobody else off on holiday or anything. I didn't think it was that unusual to take annual leave for this reason.

So I said I'm just going home then as basically if I don't rest then I'm going to get worse and that I'll send my sick line in tomorrow. I'm not sure whether I've done the right thing but it's done now. And I can't see me going back there.

You have the kind of character that would be an asset wherever you end up. Hope you get the rest you deserve to fully recover.

And that the right role comes along at the right time.

WomanhoodIsABirthright · 11/01/2023 00:14

BlüeöysterCunt · 10/01/2023 23:02

Thank you for this - I'm going to take a couple of weeks off (been signed off today by the doctor) and then start looking if I'm feeling better.

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Yw
Good luck 👍🏼
Keep us updated.

Morielle · 11/01/2023 00:23

You've definitely done the right thing

Highdaysandholidays1 · 11/01/2023 00:38

you poor thing, OP, what a hard time you've had health-wise, I can sympathise entirely as I've had a run of bad luck health-wise too and once you get one thing, you then get another and it's like a snowball down a hill. I think getting two weeks off sick is a very good idea, and to look about for something else, it sounds like your confidence is low and this wasn't the ideal job anyway, they may well lose staff a lot. Good luck finding something else.