Should I just cut my losses with friends.

[Stardust35]

Feeling really down tonight. I only have a couple of friends. This has been recently highlighted to me by my sister who is currently planning a hen do for me. I feel like with the few friends I have, I am always the one starting messages, organising meet-ups or meals out etc. I feel like if I didn't do this, none of my friends would be in touch really. This makes me so sad as I love spending time with them but they don't really make the effort with my or my partner. We've all known each other a long time and do get on so well when we're together but we rarely receive any messages even if we reach out and chat.
I know that people have busy lives, and so do we, but we always make time and free up our schedules to invite our friends round or arrange evenings out.
Am I wrong to feel disheartened that this seems one-sided?

Perhaps because you're the one consistently arranging they rely on this to connect?

If you're feeling under appreciated maybe step back from this role and allow for them to take the reigns.

But what if they don't?

Unfortunately some friendships take more work to maintain and we can probably all relate to that. I suppose the question is are these friends people who are worth having in your life? Do they enrich your life? If they do then is it possible to overlook the fact you seem to do all the arranging? Are they the type you can delegate some of the arrangements to so that they do some of the work?

Do you and your partner come as a pair to everything?

No we don't come as a pair. Sometimes we have girls meals out or coffees, sometimes couples evenings out when we're all free.

Quality over quantity.

I have a lot of friends, but only a handful who I know are true no matter what friends

I know the feeling.

But I think if the friends are happy to meet up still and are responsive then it's probably worth carrying on the friendship. It's when they stop responding as well as not initiating that's the worry.

But I get what you're saying

I do think that there are always different types of people in a friendship group and some people are better at arranging stuff than others, some are v blinkered and don't notice time flying by and rightly or wrongly need the organiser to get things scheduled- of people readily say yes to an event, don't flake out and seem to enjoy themselves I reckon they are friends and you are the friendship group linchpin.

Perhaps speak to one o the people that you are closest to see what they think?

I stepped back and no one took the reins. And I don’t miss it at all. In fact, I realised that our meet-ups I hardly ever got to talk about myself unlike this Thread where I’m making it about me
ill be having a hen party with about 6 friends. And im ok with that.

if you want to stay friends with them, then the onus might be on you to continue making the connections for them.

Friendships change.
I got married when I was 24 and I had so many friends - in fact my small wedding was more friends than family.
Now I'm 31 and I have a few very close friends and I'm happy with that. We do things when we can but there's no pressure- one lives 2 hours away and we chat on the phone more than we see eachother, but for the important moments we are always there.
It sounds like you feel taken for granted, and not appreciated and you have good advice here for that. For your hen party, your true friends will make it happen and not true friends will make an excuse. Then you'll know who's really there.