To be seriously offended by MIL

[AnxietyLevelMax]

To feel offended when she asked DH if he REALLY thinks i will pull my weight to support family if something happens to him? (Little background, dh and i have decided i will go part time because of ds. He works 12 hrs shifts quite far but cant change work atm. I ALWAYS used to work full time in the office - less hours but much better hourly pay anyway than DH (not that it matters to me). I was always hard working, never lazy…she asked in a very disrespectful way

Yeah it's completely disrespectful. What did your husband say? He needs to show her that that kind of interfering isn't appropriate in his marriage and won't be tolerated by him.

He stood up for me and tried to explain all i do and that he wouldn’t be able to do all that by himself and i will manage house, ds, work and everything without him with no issues. But her response was “oh come on, she is not the only one working, caring for child and the house, every mother does it…”
we are not on speaking terms since she had so many issues with me but i let it go and let it go and was still calling her as apparently she wanted to be in touch with our ds (they live abroad), but the above was final straw

I am a MIL and I wouldn't dream of speaking about my DIL like this. She was very disrespectful about you and tbh I'd be expecting your husband to be having a serious word with her. This is your marriage so nothing to do with her.
What does she think is going to happen to your husband? Some mothers just need to let go sometimes.

I would assume you have insurance in place should "something happen to him".
Tell her you are deeply offended and hurt by her implying you are lazy.

It would be interesting to know how many hours she worked when she was bringing up a family compared to her husband.

Just out of interest she did she work FT while raising her kids?

How old is your son?

Is your husband stirring? I mean why did he feel the need to tell you all this?

Your take on her is incredibly one-sided here, but even with that said, she was still very rude.

Sounds like while his intentions were good, he's entered into too much of a conversation with her about it. The only way forward with people like this is to shut it down snd not engage with it. He needs to work on how he deals with her.

Regards to your son, I personally think If someone is so blatantly hurtful and disrespectful to the parents, then they lose the right to a relationship with the kids. But I know some people disagree with that stance.

This. It’s normally a reflection on then when people make comments like this.

my MIL says we both work too much. She only ever worked part time and retired early, and only had one child. They complain they never see us, a working family of four, one who has disabilities.

Its really sod all to do with them

She did work full time with my FIL and left my DH with his grandparents for few years seeing him only at the weekends. Not sure if it was needed, not my place to judge but it was our decision and we are happy with it.
She has many issues with me. But good to know i am not overreacting by feeling hurt

So effectively she wasn’t ‘running a home and working’, she was dumping her kids on relatives and just working? Hahaha what a hypocrite.

What a cheek! I’d be fuming! Going to paid work is actually easier imo than staying home and looking after a child and managing the house - with said child in tow! I hate how going part time to accommodate childcare is not appreciated the way it should be!

Does your DH always relay every conversation he has to you?

DH didnt just tell me this out of the blue. She was on speaker and i heard it. She knew i am home, she thought i am upstairs but i was still around.
thank you all. Good to know i am not crazy

Maybe Mil regrets her choice re delegating child raising to the grandparents and is jealous of your situation. She wants you to justify her decision. Good luck to you, you’ve managed to find a work/family life balance that meets the needs of parents and DC.

I need advice. My MIL shouted at me for not picking her daughter for our family event. My husband got upset & she shouted "look what you did to him". I left the room & she followed. FIL had to hold MIL back while she continued to shout at me. I'm very upset at the alteration & also my children were present. No apology from her. My husband is now acting passive & claims it was a fight between me & MIL. However I feel like she attacked me. What should I do?

Lovinghedgehog please set up your own thread