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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel pressure to have sex?

11 replies

happyvalley459 · 06/01/2023 12:49

Ok so me & my partner don't live together as It's been an on off relationship due to his mental health issues & difficulties he has. At the moment we are very much on, have been getting on really well, laughing, joking, spending time together etc.

However, I've noticed in the past few weeks a couple of things.
First is when he isn't with me, he will text a lot and if I don't reply he will call. Last night I stopped answering the phone after the 5th time. We had said goodnight already & I just wanted to enjoy my evening, I told him he's interrupting 'me time' & it's overstepping my boundary.

Secondly, the sex. It's good, it's actually amazing, but my problem is he expects it as soon as he walks through the door. Literally within seconds of being in my flat he's trying to rip my clothes off. It's flattering in its way but when I say 'no' he will keep trying to 'turn me on' and kind of pestering me.

He will literally be all over me trying to feel me up, kissing me etc. when I eventually give in he sort of just pulls back a bit and chills, I don't get as much attention, the cuddles and kisses have reduced to nil (maybe that's just my paranoia)

Thing is, when I know he's coming over I kind of think I really want to see him but don't want to have sex within the first 5 minutes? Especially if I'm tired after a long day. It's almost like he won't just chill with me and watch a film until we've had sex, and he won't leave me alone until I give in. It fucks me off sometimes.

I've spoken to him about it but he isn't getting it. I've told him I feel pressured every time he comes over (which isn't that often as we both have busy lives) and it isn't the first thing on my mind.

OP posts:
Goodadvice1980 · 06/01/2023 13:02

Dump him. He has no respect for your boundaries. Life’s too short to put up with a selfish partner.

Chickenly · 06/01/2023 13:03

It sounds like you’ve got the ick. That’s not a two-way street.

iknowwheretheothersockgoes · 06/01/2023 17:53

That is really annoying (well, way more than annoying). What is he like otherwise? Why do you think he isn't listening when you tell him that you aren't interested?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 06/01/2023 17:59

There's a word for men not taking no for an answer, it's assault.

Mix56 · 06/01/2023 18:02

Ditch thiis creep

WisherWood · 06/01/2023 18:09

Dump him. You've said no, he's carried on. He's pressuring you. That's wrong on many levels. It doesn't matter what his other qualities are. That on its own is reason to end it.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 06/01/2023 18:11

He sounds grim. Get rid now before you’re too enmeshed

Aquamarine1029 · 06/01/2023 18:12

Fucking hell, he is absolutely horrendous. You need much higher standards. Dump this twat.

Sandra1984 · 06/01/2023 18:18

Your boyfriend is a total weirdo. I hope he has some other great qualities and that’s why you’re putting up with him or letting him step all over your boundaries.

Sandra1984 · 06/01/2023 18:19

The word “Creep” comes to mind.

FromTheFront2theBack · 06/01/2023 18:30

Gross. The phone calls would be odd enough after you've said goodnight but when you've specifically told him he's interrupting you it's just selfish. Being a sex pest is just the icing on the cake. Toss that one back.

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