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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say this to my friend

28 replies

Botheredland · 06/01/2023 12:06

I think I was unreasonable as she's upset.

Friend is struggling for money at the moment and cant work as twins under 1 and 3 older children.

She was telling me about how she wanted to make and sell wax melts just for a bit of extra money until she goes back to work full time next year..
I said oh there's so many people selling wax melts are you sure you'll get anywhere with it?
I saw how she went from excited to glum as soon as I said it and then has clearly been upset since then as barely spoke the rest of the time and hasn't replied to texts whereas she usually would.

I genuinely don't think she should waste what little money she's got in her savings on equipment and then not be able to make anything back, I wasn't trying to be negative but surely she'd want my honest opinion rather than me just saying oh yes go for it, when I think it wouldn't work

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 06/01/2023 12:09

You stated an absolute fact and if she can't handle such an innocuous comment, she shouldn't be looking at starting any kind of 'business'.

This sort of thing is fine if it's a hobby, as the couple of quid she might make from it would pay for what she needs, but she won't be paying household bills with it.

tillyrainbow · 06/01/2023 12:09

I think what you said was fine, you are honest, she probably won't make a lot and would have to buy things upfront. I understand she may be disappointed by what you said as she probably thought it might solve some of her money issues, and it might, but then again, it might not. But what you actually said was fine IMO.

MRSDoos · 06/01/2023 12:12

I myself know a few mums who do the wax melts on the side, 2 have made a loss from buying the initial start up sets and 1 has made barely anything and her only customers are her family members.

Who knows, maybe she will prove my wrong and make a decent wage out of it but I feel the same about these sort of pyramid scheme businesses online

Friends should be able to be honest with each other and yes you probably upset her but I think what you said it probably true

Mrsjayy · 06/01/2023 12:13

I mean you are not wrong are you ? Yes she was upset but I think you would be a worse friend to cheerlead her into doing it.

Shekissedagirlandshelikedit · 06/01/2023 12:13

I don't know much about the wax melts market but you obviously do and are a good friend giving her your honest opinion as you're concerned she'll lose money. She probably agrees with you but has put mental effort into her idea and now feels a bit flat. Give her a bit of space and maybe then try and talk through some other ideas of how to make some money from home?

Aaron95 · 06/01/2023 12:16

They say one difference between Brits and Americans is that if you say you have an idea for a business, an American will immediately tell you 10 ways to make it better whilst a Brit will give you 10 reasons why it won't work.

Perhaps you are right, she will only lose money but maybe have a chat with her and see if there are ways to improve the idea.

WandaWonder · 06/01/2023 12:16

Personally I think you are correct but regardless what you said is nothing to be upset about even if you turn put to be wrong

She can disagree with you but no I dont get her attitude

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/01/2023 12:18

You weren't ur but she sounds like she's not in a good place, resilience is at zero because she's been ground down and in her eyes you've pissed on her one hope.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/01/2023 12:19

You’re right and if she’s that skint she’s be mad to waste money on that sort of thing.

Tbh she’s not going to make a success of any sort of business if she can’t handle a friendly bit of helpful feedback without huffing…

ProcrastinatingUntilNextYear · 06/01/2023 12:22

She probably feels quite vulnerable at the moment if she is struggling for money.
Its natural for what you said to knock the wind out of her sails.
You are probably right in what you said, but maybe you could have been a bit more tactful about it. I don’t think I would have said anything if I was in your shoes.
The problem with giving unsolicited advice is it can come across like you think you are superior and it can also hurt feelings, even when that’s not your intention.

OnlyFannys · 06/01/2023 12:23

Aaron95 · 06/01/2023 12:16

They say one difference between Brits and Americans is that if you say you have an idea for a business, an American will immediately tell you 10 ways to make it better whilst a Brit will give you 10 reasons why it won't work.

Perhaps you are right, she will only lose money but maybe have a chat with her and see if there are ways to improve the idea.

OP isnt a business adviser (presumably) and there isnt much advice you can give to improve a basic idea like this on and over saturated market. I dont think that just because she cant offer a solution she shouldnt give honest feedback

ToDoListAddict · 06/01/2023 12:32

It's impossible to make money on wax melts unless a big influencer promotes your products.

People don't like to hear that their get rich quick schemes won't work though.

I remember a few years ago, a friend of mine saying she was going to be a PartyLite rep. I said, ooh good luck - it's so difficult to make money from that as everything is so expensive - I've hosted a party before. Never again!

And then she never became a rep - I assume because she thought I was going to have parties and buy her stock, because everyone knows I LOVE candles. Yes I do, but I'm not spending £100s a month to get you £20 commission!

Sartre · 06/01/2023 12:34

YANBU. You were being realistic, she will just lose out massively. I thought wax melts were out of fashion now anyway, they’ve always seemed hugely dangerous to me personally.

StrawberryWater · 06/01/2023 12:35

Wax melts are the new get rich quick schemes in a very long line of mum businesses. Theres been cupcakes / scrabble letter art / Lego family pictures / jam / badly crocheted baby tat / and badly done nails plus dodgy MLMs and now it’s ugly candles with bits of dried fruit stuck in them (not getting at the people who do all of these things properly and do a good job but there are a lot of people who think they can just throw a Kit Kat in a hamper and say it’s luxury without any thought to any of it and the anoint of clumpy nail art I’ve seen is off the chart).

You were right to be realistic with her. She won’t succeed with an at home business unless she finds something that’s really niche. It’s just how it is.

waynesworldpartytimeexcellent · 06/01/2023 12:35

You said nothing wrong and was only trying to save her money. Good on you OP.

Mrsjayy · 06/01/2023 12:48

I have a friend who makes them she enjoys it as a hobby she does sell them but she certainly doesn't make a lot of money from it, it's only her and her partner at home so no kids to provide for either.

honeylulu · 06/01/2023 12:51

I think that you said was fine and realistic.

I only know one couple who've actually made a bit of money out of selling wax melts and that seems to be because they spotted a niche gap in the market. Theirs are "heavy metal" themed and have sold well, though its part of a business selling other similarly themed products so they already had a target market in place.

DowntonCrabby · 06/01/2023 12:53

YANBU

Can you reach out and offer anything practical to help? Childcare so she can pick up extra work maybe?

imnotsickbutimnotwell · 06/01/2023 12:53

She won’t make any money on wax melts you did the right thing. Try to steer her away from any MLMs as well.

trampoline123 · 06/01/2023 12:58

I don't think you were wrong to say that.

She's diss appointed but needed a bit of a reality check.

Nevermind31 · 06/01/2023 12:59

she was probably hoping that you’d support her business by buying her stuff…

indie123 · 06/01/2023 13:00

I probably would’ve said same thing. Unless she’s going to do something unique it will be a waste of time. Some people take honesty the wrong way sometimes. You didn’t do anything wrong

welshrabbits · 06/01/2023 13:01

You were right. It's not a way to make money, it's a way to pass time.

mondaytosunday · 06/01/2023 13:08

Anyone hoping to start up a business selling anything - be it wax melts (I don't even know what those are), candles or knitted hats - requires a HUGE time investment if it's to be money making. That's why so many fail - they think they can open an Etsy shop and sit back and wait. Nope. It's a full time job to get it up and running and you will probably only recoup costs the first year. It's certainly not something you can do with caring for four kids without help.
Basically, if you don't have time to have a job you certainly don't have time to start a business.

FreezyWater · 06/01/2023 13:13

I think you were right to be honest but perhaps you need to do some damage control; how about texting her to apologise for being frank and hurting her feelings, and offer some support to look at more finance friendly ideas?