Was I unreasonable not to get dad's partner a present?

[User145671]

Hello,

My dad has been with his partner 5-6 years. It's been a rocky relationship with lots of break ups due to her not being able to get him to do things she wants (sell his house, marry her etc - he's quite set in his ways). At first me and my siblings got on with her but it became toxic as she became very controlling and isolated my father from family and friends. Now we do our best to be civil with her but my father has complained on many times she doesn't feel accepted within the family (but hates doing anything with us so hard to make sense of it!).

I've never bought her anything for Christmas but in recent years do always add her name to the Christmas card. This year my dad confronted me and said she was really hurt as she wrapped the present from my dad to me, and spent time thinking what he could get me. The tag then said the gift was from both of them.

I only got my parents and grandparents gifts. I didn't get gifts for my siblings or young nieces/nephews so I just felt exasperated by this conversation. Was I being unreasonable?

This. Sorted.

Yanbu

but as they sent a joint present I would do a joint one next year! Biscuits come to mind

So glad I don't have stress of worrying every Christmas about buying gifts for my crap adoptive so called father 💩and la Di da prentious ridiculous wife.

I love buying gifts but only for people I want to give to - I loathe my friend's knuckle dragging selfish boyfriend, so I always buy something personal for her and never for him. If you don't like someone, you shouldn't feel forced to buy them a gift.

The easy option would be a generic joint gift like booze, hamper or an item for the home but it doesn't sound like you want to do that. As she chose the gift to you from your Dad and has made sure you know, my suggestion would be to tell your Dad, that you don't want a gift anymore. That way she doesn't get to feel hurt or hard done by, he is not the passive aggressive messenger boy and you aren't second guessing yourself. If you see them over Christmas next year take a box of chocolates, a bottle and present for the dog as you would on a normal visit.