Should I go on this social event?

[froggygroggy]

I have committed to a social event in a couple of weeks.

The reasons I don't want to go are
Feel unsociable - Just feel like I don't want to go out
Money - can afford it but at a stretch
Diet - I am trying to diet and the event involves food that will not be within my calories
Dry Jan - Not drinking which I usually would so may be easier to not go

The reasons I do want to go are
Commitment - I've said yes and don't like to go back on it
Social - Worried that if I don't go I'll stop getting invited
Social - Although I say I feel like I don't want to go, I could end up having a good time and it may be good for me in that sense
Dry Jan - Feeling empowered going and not drinking

Can anyone relate to these conflicting feelings of do I or don't I go on certain social events?

Based on the above, what do you think I should do? (I feel like you're all going to say to go, but I'll ask anyway for varied perspectives.)

I think the time to worry about that is before you said yes. Totally fine not to feel social, especially in Jan. But backing out with no particularly good reason is rude.

I completely agree. My default has always been yes but I need to stop and think about whether I really want to do whatever the thing is.

I would go with a view of cutting it early if you're not feeling it. I would eat before the event so not to blow the calories. The booze one is trickier. You could stay a bit later and then other people will be a bit more merry and won't notice you leaving earlier. Alternatively, find another low/no drinker and stick with them. It's annoying when you're teetotal and everyone else is pissed and invading your space. I do think you should go though. There is always soda and lime/Diet Coke so it 'looks like' you're drinking

I would go. It does seem to be more socially acceptable to flake out, especially since Covid and the fact that texting is easier to save face.
Going forward don’t commit straight away.

I always regret saying yes to stuff but usually enjoy myself.

If you stick to your calories for the rest of the month, one event isn't going to matter.

Dry Jan is a pointless escapade. I'm dry anywhere from 360-365 days a year. You can opt to not drink at any point in the year - including this event. Or you can have a drink if you'd prefer to. It doesn't need a theme month or a special announcement. Same as fucking Veganuary 🙄

If you go and it's shit, you'll know not to go again. If you and its great, you've enjoyed yourself. If you don't go, you won't know either way.

I say go.

You can always leave early.

Yeah you should probably go and not drink - then you’ll be pleased you have willpower (unless you don’t)

Dry January May seem pointless to you. But it isn't for some.

You said you would go, so you should

Next time you're invited somewhere, don't feel obliged to answer immediately. Stop and think twice

I'll be driving so there will be no chance of breaking it.

I never want to go out these days! Would much rather be at home, having an early night with my book. However, I generally make myself go and am always pleased I did. I do feel better for getting out and having some nice conversations with people. On the rare occasions I cancel, I just feel kind of bad about it. Slightly guilty and like I should have made an effort.

If I didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t. After years of pleasing others and worrying about appearing rude, I realised I was making myself unhappy so I don’t do it anymore. And I definitely wouldn’t stretch myself financially for a social thing that I wasn’t really fussed with.

As someone with a January birthday I say go. The reasons you give are why it's a terrible time to try to celebrate, everyone is skint, partied out, doing dry January, on a diet etc, etc.

Unless you genuinely can’t afford it go, your other reasons all sound flakey. Think how you’d feel if you arranged something and everyone flaked out. You don’t have to eat loads and think how good you’ll feel the next having been to a social and not drink any alcohol.

I was like this, I had a hobby I enjoyed in my 20s, kind of liked in my 30s and put up with it (as I'd always done it) in my 40s

By my late 40s I realise that I only did it because of FOMO, and the social aspect. I didn't want to miss out.

About 3 years ago, I sold my equipment and stopped going. I still make the effort to see people, but strangely enough it doesn't bother me to see the posts of everyone doing the activity on sm, it's such a relief not to have to go. I don't get invited to the social side of things so much, but actually it doesn't bother me. I'm happier at home doing what I want to do, when I want to do it

You should go. All your reasons are poor and weak, and easily solvable. The bigger issue of saying yes to things you should address from here on in.

If it will impact on others if you don't go I would probably go as I wouldn't want to let others down and they may need the event. I'd not drink but maybe have a night off the diet as a treat.

I don’t know how you can know that you won’t feel like going if the event is a couple of weeks away? Is this is a special occasion like a birthday celebration then I’d grasp it because these are the important occasions to mark in life - you can stay in every other night. Calories and alcohol meh - those are just excuses. You can’t hide away from events with food and drink forever.

You should go unleas you genuinely cant afford it. I'd be hurt if someone cancelled on me because they were doing dry january.

Given that you committed to it, your reasons for pulling out are weak and flaky. If I was the organiser I’d be upset if you pulled out for those reasons, and I probably wouldn’t be keen to invite you again. Next time say no upfront.

This is where my predisposition to black and white thinking seems to me like a blessing. Your top reason of you do nit want to go, that would be it for me and I would not overthink it at all.

I should add if there was a financial commitment I would still pay my share even if in non attendance.

If you don't want to go don't, but your concerns that you'll not be invited in the future are valid.

I would go. Eat before so you're not tempted to over indulge too much. Will you not enjoy seeing other people there?

This is one of the reasons so many diets fail - people get too obsessed and let it take over their lives. You need to find a way to have a healthy balance unless you are just planning to never socialise again.

Meh, it's still a couple of weeks away. I'd pull out. How big is the event - will you be missed?

If Dry Jan matters to you, it’s no bad thing to practice going out and not drinking. There’s a good episode on the 90 days later podcast which looks at this.
If you want to reduce your alcohol intake overall, rather than just doing a 31 day detox, then reframing your thinking about social drinking is a useful exercise.
I’ve done a few social events where I’ve just had slimline tonic and discovered I’ve still enjoyed myself. Just have an excuse ready to leave early if you aren’t feeling the vibe.