To have told friends daughter to consider something other than medicine?

[Summerishere123]

More of a friend of a friend really but got talking with her daughter about Alevels and her future plans. She mentioned wanting to be a child psychologist and going to med school. She then mentioned that she was failing Alevel chemistry.
I tried to gently point out that Med school would be a struggle if she was already failing the Alevel and that perhaps she should consider counselling or similar that didn't require medical pathway.
The daughter admitted that she needed to look into things more and that was the end of the conversation.
Now though, a week later I feel bad. Was I wrong to point out that she would struggle if she was already failing? I didn't mention to her that if she couldn't pass the Alevel she wasn't likely to even get in! I personally feel that people should be realistic about their abilities after seeing a family members dreams shattered after wanting to get into medical school and failing the same course. As a result he didn't get onto his course and his life has lost all meaning for him and he is really struggling.
In this case it really wasn't my business to say anything but it was how the conversation was going and felt okay at the time. Would you be mad at me if it was your daughter?

Bloody autocorrect- “previous” should have read “precious”!

If she's taking alevels she's not a young child so will probably be resilient enough to handle different points of view. You're not a career advisor so university admissions officer and you don't know much about her academics (is she struggling due to lack of effort which could be turned around or does she genuinely struggle to understand)so if she has any sense she'll be seeking more specialised advice at school anyway. If you're interested in a very competitive university subject or career path it makes sense to have a backup so the advice wasn't ridiculous anyway.

Yes it would piss me off. Unless she asked for your advice and you were in some way qualified to give it (eg you are a doctor or chemistry teacher), then no you shouldn’t have done, and yes you were being a bitch - you know this I think, you are just hoping to be reassured you weren’t.

If medicine as a career sounded like an overstretch then you could have suggested she talk to her teacher or careers service to find out how she might work round a less than stellar chemistry performance, or indeed whether she needs to if she hasn’t grasped the difference between psychology and psychiatry.

If you were concerned with her being realistic, you would have suggested she talk to people who can help her find the right career.

As it is you might want to examine why you chose to put a teenager down to make yourself feel superior.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to point out that she’ll need strong grades in chemistry to even get in to medical school (let alone get through the course and professional exams). At the very least you’ll have prompted them to do a bit more research. Getting into medical school is tough, if a well meaning comment from a mum’s friend about something as objective as admission grades is enough to completely turn her off then I think she’d struggle regardless.

That said (as a doctor) I’d be discouraging her round. Don’t sacrifice the bet years of your life to an unfeeling monopoly employer that sees you as a number on a rota rather than a person, infantilises you whilst being the first to throw you under the bus and significantly underpays you for the training/responsibility (all against a barrage of abuse from the general public, politicians and press and a culture of racism in the governing bodies to whom you hand over a chunk of your salary).

She mentioned wanting to be a child psychologist and going to med school. She then mentioned that she was failing Alevel chemistry.

Why is she failing though? Is it a case of her not revising? She might just not be working hard enough and being lazy. I went through a faze of doing badly at school, then got my act together and started doing well. It’s pretty insulting to assume you know that she’s not got a natural aptitude for Chemistry when you don’t know that.

Damn right! When I have surgery I want a surgeon who gets things right first time not one who says boo hoo let me have another go.

Anyway OP sounds like she needed to hear that. Depends exactly how you phrased it really. If she wants to be a child psychologist then she should do a psychology degree, sounds like she’s been badly guided so far if she’s failing chemistry instead of excelling at something else.

I do think you should never tell a child they can’t do X (DH has been highly successful in a field his school teacher told him not to bother even trying out for) but you absolutely should tell children “If you want X you’ll need to work much harder than you are at the moment and if you aren’t willing to put in the hours maybe explore other options.”

@Salacia Thank you for all that you’ve done. I know doctors and nurses have been treated appallingly over the past decade. If it helps at all, at least your work has had meaning and impact for many many people. My work certainly hasn’t 🙈

Really shitty of you to wade in with advice when you don’t even know the pathways through to becoming a dr OR a psychologist.

She COULD become a child psychologist. Or a mental health nurse, or do something else equally marvellous. You are not qualified, and you just ploughed in with an opinion but no real knowledge to back it up.
Shame

@Oher - thank you for your lovely words. Apologies, this thread wasn’t the time or place to go off on that rant and I regret posting it (just burnt out and bitter…).

There are genuinely great things about a career in healthcare, I’d encourage your friend’s daughter to look at NHS careers for a decent overview. There’s lots of stuff that I think of as ‘hidden jobs’ (like genetic counselling for example) that can be overlooked.

NC fail on my behalf there…

Not true.

I’d be advising her to give a career medicine a wide berth in general. M

There is no such career as "child psychologist" so I'd say she REALLY hasn't done her research. She could be an educational psychologist, a child clinical psychologist (both need a Psychology degree) or a child counselling psychologist (you can qualify as a counsellor without a psych degree, at least you used to be able to).