To not have realised how woeful mental health support is in the UK

Whatafustercluck · 2023-01-05T13:07:46+00:00

Long story but essentially we are sure that 6yo dd has some kind of neurodivergent condition which manifests as anxiety induced sensory problems and extreme emotional reactions. We've jumped through various hoops, done the courses, implemented strategies etc. But there are residual concerns, such as this morning, first day back, tummy ache (anxiety induced) uncontrollable sobbing, her uniform was uncomfortable and it took every reserve of energy and empathy I have to coax and encourage her to school. When we were discharged from the mental health practitioner before, we were told to get back in contact with the GP if concerns persisted. So today I dutifully did so, using the online consultation system. No option for 'mental health', 'sensory problems' or even 'anxiety' (which I would have thought would be a fairly standard category) and had to instead put 'stomach ache' which of course took me down a totally different route of questioning. Did what I could, received call back from GP (good so quickly, obviously). Had to go over the past 2 years of stuff to provide background I had assumed would be on our records. Was then told "I'm not sure what you want to get out of this". How I held it together I will never know. No compassion or understanding. I was then asked to put it all in writing (which I have done multiple times before with various services) and go back on e consult to add the attachments. Have spent all morning writing up notes, evidence of difficulties etc and went back on to upload them. They've closed the fucking case!! So now I have to open a new one, and again there's no option for mental health so back to square one. I am seething. I know I've been very naive, but I had absolutely no idea how broken things have become. How many people must harm themselves, attempt or actually take their own lives before action will be taken?!

Spendonsend · 05/01/2023 13:27

Its incredibly frustrating to put it mildly.

giggly · 05/01/2023 13:30

You cannot possibly compare your experience to the whole of the NHS mental health services in your country/ NHS trust area.
You thread should be about your difficulties and not try and discuss 4 different countries mental health provision.
Of course your case was closed by the previous involvement as you were told the outcome of treatment. Were you expecting your child to remain open while no active treatment was provided? That would be a clinican governance issue.
Honestly people have no idea how mental health services run and just wade in with layman’s experiences.
You may feel sure what is wrong with your child but unless your a mental health clinician in CAMHS nest leave it to the professionals.

barneshome · 05/01/2023 13:34

Sounds to me as if she is just seeking attention and being a child.
She is pretending she has a tummy she as she does not want to go back to school.
Ditto uniform.
Ditto crying.
This is not a mental heath issue it is part of growing up and part of a parents responsibility to deal with.
This is the problem people with real issues are not able to be treated seen as others are wasting doctors time.

MaverickGooseGoose · 05/01/2023 13:35

barneshome · 05/01/2023 13:34

Sounds to me as if she is just seeking attention and being a child.
She is pretending she has a tummy she as she does not want to go back to school.
Ditto uniform.
Ditto crying.
This is not a mental heath issue it is part of growing up and part of a parents responsibility to deal with.
This is the problem people with real issues are not able to be treated seen as others are wasting doctors time.

You've totally misread the post. The ops kid never said she had a stomach ache.

Op yes it's shit.

XelaM · 05/01/2023 13:36

barneshome · 05/01/2023 13:34

Sounds to me as if she is just seeking attention and being a child.
She is pretending she has a tummy she as she does not want to go back to school.
Ditto uniform.
Ditto crying.
This is not a mental heath issue it is part of growing up and part of a parents responsibility to deal with.
This is the problem people with real issues are not able to be treated seen as others are wasting doctors time.

This!

She's 6 and doesn't like school

BigMadAdrian · 05/01/2023 13:37

It is absolutely appalling. My dd was extremely unwell with her mental health last year - we did get a CAMHS crisis team referral and were seen quickly - but once she was assessed we were just bunged onto another waiting list. See someone privately if you can stretch to it - sadly there is often still a wait, as there are simply too many dc struggling and not enough practitioners 😞. I can recommend someone very good if you are within reach of the Warwickshire area - pm me.

BigMadAdrian · 05/01/2023 13:37

Oh. Here we go. Maybe ask mumsnet to move your post to the SEN board OP.

Thedaysthatremain · 05/01/2023 13:38

barneshome · 05/01/2023 13:34

Sounds to me as if she is just seeking attention and being a child.
She is pretending she has a tummy she as she does not want to go back to school.
Ditto uniform.
Ditto crying.
This is not a mental heath issue it is part of growing up and part of a parents responsibility to deal with.
This is the problem people with real issues are not able to be treated seen as others are wasting doctors time.

Actually it sounds like she has sensory processing disorder which can be exhausting and debilitating if not recognised and no adjustments put in place

Emelene · 05/01/2023 13:39

You’re complaining that a GP form was hard to fill in, but you still got a call back from a doctor the same day? I’d say that is good for something that is clearly long-standing, particularly with the current strain on the NHS and GP services…

I hope your DD gets the help you are looking for.

Angeldelight81 · 05/01/2023 13:41

BigMadAdrian · 05/01/2023 13:37

It is absolutely appalling. My dd was extremely unwell with her mental health last year - we did get a CAMHS crisis team referral and were seen quickly - but once she was assessed we were just bunged onto another waiting list. See someone privately if you can stretch to it - sadly there is often still a wait, as there are simply too many dc struggling and not enough practitioners 😞. I can recommend someone very good if you are within reach of the Warwickshire area - pm me.

Avoid Camhs especially in the Midlands area. My daughter, I don’t think was particularly traumatised until she went in and had to sit there in group therapy, listening to children who had been sexually abused and who eventually killed themselves. Possibly one of the most harrowing experience is I’ve ever come across.
avoid avoid avoid

Kentlassie · 05/01/2023 13:41

I’m not sure you can generalise in this way. I received exceptional MH support when dd was in nicu. For 4 months I had weekly sessions with a dedicated psychologist, and had bereavement counselling after she died. I had MH support in both subsequent pregnancies. Maybe I was just lucky.

10storeylovesong · 05/01/2023 13:42

Lack of previous PP understanding is overwhelming. My 9 year old son also struggles with anxiety which results in similar symptoms - stomach ache, nausea, crying etc. My GP has agreed it's anxiety and referred to Banardos, who have accepted him and put him on their waiting list, currently 18 months. We got sent a leaflet in Aug about managing anxiety. Presents in all situations - school, holidays, days out, birthday, Christmas etc - so not just avoiding school. I feel your struggles. He was up gone 1am last night worrying (probably later but I fell asleep then). Hes been the same all week and I'm up for work at 5.30am every day so am exhausted - as is he.

He has been referred to the pathway on GP and school advice, but waiting lists are huge there too.

I hope you get some help for your DD soon.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 05/01/2023 13:44

Thedaysthatremain · 05/01/2023 13:38

Actually it sounds like she has sensory processing disorder which can be exhausting and debilitating if not recognised and no adjustments put in place

Show quote history

Yes this ^^

OP you are not alone. My DD(6) is the same and there’s nowhere to turn. Getting her to wear clothes is an exhausting battle (happily her school has no uniform, but she can’t stand pants, socks, shoes, gloves, heat, cold, hair in her face, hair clips, Alice bands, ponytails, hairbrushing…).

I know something is wrong but I don’t even know where to start with getting her help. I hope your GP starts being useful soon.

BigMadAdrian · 05/01/2023 13:46

Angeldelight81 · 05/01/2023 13:41

Avoid Camhs especially in the Midlands area. My daughter, I don’t think was particularly traumatised until she went in and had to sit there in group therapy, listening to children who had been sexually abused and who eventually killed themselves. Possibly one of the most harrowing experience is I’ve ever come across.
avoid avoid avoid

Show quote history

Yes, we're not using them now - luckily we've been able to source excellent private support. We had a similar experience in hospital where dd was put on a ward with other suicidal/self harming girls - I could hear them talking to each other and it was harrowing - luckily dd stayed out of it, but could still hear them!

crazycrypty · 05/01/2023 13:48

I'm an adult who has had various referrals to NHS MH services since I was 12.

Anxiety and SPD as a child turned into panic attacks as a teen, then to agoraphobia in my 20s.

It wasn't until I was in my early 30s and could afford to pay for private MH care that I've become a functional human being. Diagnosed with autism in my 30s.

The NHS support I received was useless/nonexistent throughout. Crap short courses of CBT, useless sporadic group therapy. Wrong medication, doctors who just wanted to over medicate.

Go private with your DD. Pay for a private psychiatrist. I wish my parents had. I eventually did this for myself once I was old enough to afford it.

Original poster

Whatafustercluck · 05/01/2023 13:55

crazycrypty · 05/01/2023 13:48

I'm an adult who has had various referrals to NHS MH services since I was 12.

Anxiety and SPD as a child turned into panic attacks as a teen, then to agoraphobia in my 20s.

It wasn't until I was in my early 30s and could afford to pay for private MH care that I've become a functional human being. Diagnosed with autism in my 30s.

The NHS support I received was useless/nonexistent throughout. Crap short courses of CBT, useless sporadic group therapy. Wrong medication, doctors who just wanted to over medicate.

Go private with your DD. Pay for a private psychiatrist. I wish my parents had. I eventually did this for myself once I was old enough to afford it.

I'm so sorry you experienced that. Examples such as your story are the main reason I am pushing so hard for recognition of dd's difficulties. There seems to be no awareness that, as a parent, the complex MH landscape and pathways to diagnoses seem impossible to navigate. We're pretty switched on people, but we're so confused despite considerable research.

OP posts:

Velda · 05/01/2023 13:59

The NHS isn’t even coping with giving people treatment for physical illnesses right now, never mind mental illnesses. There are people who are bleeding or squirting pus or puking and they’re struggling to get medical attention. So I am unsurprised that there’s a lack of mental health support. An acquaintance of mine committed suicide last week because of a lack of support.

Angeldelight81 · 05/01/2023 13:59

If you speak to paediatrician with regards to a physical ailment nine times out of 10, they will believe the parents specifically the mother and act accordingly mental health appears to be only area where parental imput something is just not right is completely disregarded

Original poster

Whatafustercluck · 05/01/2023 14:00

barneshome · 05/01/2023 13:34

Sounds to me as if she is just seeking attention and being a child.
She is pretending she has a tummy she as she does not want to go back to school.
Ditto uniform.
Ditto crying.
This is not a mental heath issue it is part of growing up and part of a parents responsibility to deal with.
This is the problem people with real issues are not able to be treated seen as others are wasting doctors time.

I'll excuse your ignorance of these issues, given that I've posted in AIBU. But did you even read my post? Particularly this bit:

"When we were discharged from the mental health practitioner before, we were told to get back in contact with the GP if concerns persisted"

We've done everything by the book. Our experience is not unusual among parents of children exhibiting similar difficulties.

OP posts:

Onnabugeisha · 05/01/2023 14:00

But there are residual concerns, such as this morning, first day back, tummy ache (anxiety induced) uncontrollable sobbing, her uniform was uncomfortable and it took every reserve of energy and empathy I have to coax and encourage her to school.

I’ll probably get flamed for this, but my two DC with ASD were much the same. I agree the NHS was useless to worse than useless.

So, we had a light bulb moment and implemented “sanity days” with our DC. Basically, we said if on any school day you cannot face going in, you are too anxious, it’s fine you can stay home no questions asked, no judgement. It’s a mental break and you can recharge your batteries. Adults get days off for mental health, so why not a school child that is struggling with sensory overload and anxiety? You wouldn’t send an uncontrollably sobbing adult into the office, so why a child?

Now it was a risk, because some children might take that inch and run a mile with it and refuse school 5 days a week. But mine did not do this, which showed the ASD sensory stuff and overload was genuine. They weren’t malingering or trying to get off school on purpose.

It was as if a ton of pressure suddenly lifted from their shoulders to know that they can, whenever they want have a break from it all with a “sanity day”. The way I reported the absence to the school was “mental health day”. I was never fined or given any flak, because the DC used this at most twice in a 12wk term.

BigMadAdrian · 05/01/2023 14:03

Velda · 05/01/2023 13:59

The NHS isn’t even coping with giving people treatment for physical illnesses right now, never mind mental illnesses. There are people who are bleeding or squirting pus or puking and they’re struggling to get medical attention. So I am unsurprised that there’s a lack of mental health support. An acquaintance of mine committed suicide last week because of a lack of support.

So sorry about your friend.

Mental health should really be given the same weighting as physical health. Poor mental health can be just as debilitating and as much as a risk to life as poor physical health.

Onnabugeisha · 05/01/2023 14:04

Velda · 05/01/2023 13:59

The NHS isn’t even coping with giving people treatment for physical illnesses right now, never mind mental illnesses. There are people who are bleeding or squirting pus or puking and they’re struggling to get medical attention. So I am unsurprised that there’s a lack of mental health support. An acquaintance of mine committed suicide last week because of a lack of support.

Sorry to hear about you friend losing their life to lack of healthcare. 💐

BigMadAdrian · 05/01/2023 14:07

Some posts on this thread show how dismissive people can be about poor mental health and ND.

ohyouknowwhatshername · 05/01/2023 14:10

This isn't a recent thing, mental health support has been appalling in my area for a long time. I needed help a few years back. Had to keep ringing up and going over the traumatic thing that had happened to me, to several different people, over and over again. Got offered a 6 week online cbt course. When it didn't help, I had to go through it all again, speaking to various people about it on the phone. Only to be offered another 6 week course. I looked for a private counsellor but couldn't afford to keep going. Am now on antidepressants. Probably will be for life as my actual trauma hasn't been dealt with. I simply can't afford to speak to a professional about it.

forlornlorna1 · 05/01/2023 14:14

barneshome · 05/01/2023 13:34

Sounds to me as if she is just seeking attention and being a child.
She is pretending she has a tummy she as she does not want to go back to school.
Ditto uniform.
Ditto crying.
This is not a mental heath issue it is part of growing up and part of a parents responsibility to deal with.
This is the problem people with real issues are not able to be treated seen as others are wasting doctors time.

Yeah I got a lot of these types of comments when my then 8 year old dd was suffering similar anxiety at school. Took her trying to take her life aged fucking eleven for anyone to take her seriously. Attention seeking ffs give your head a wobble.

Op it might be worth seeing if school have anything they can do. Ours referred her to positive steps which was through camhs. They sent in someone from camhs and we had a meeting. They quickly picked up that she was possibly ASD and put her on the assessment pathway. Best of luck x