To not know if it's normal back-to-work-blues or do I need more time?

[DevolvedHexagon]

NC because ~paranoid~ may be outing I guess.

The end of my mat leave with my second DC is fast approaching and I'm rigid with anxiety and fear about, well, eveverything.

But I don't know if it's normal feelings that we all get when we're going back to work, or if I need sick leave. I am struggling to function day to day as well. It's not PND: during this mat leave (from a full time job, not uni now) I've been bereaved of 4 close family members, moved house and been diagnosed as autistic, on top of my regular background anxiety I've lived alongside since forever.

How do I know if I just need to suck it up and get back to work, or to take time off sick?

Awkward bump 😬

It might be a better measure if you go back and see how you feel? The "normality" might do you some good. And if its not working out then take some time off sick. Sorry to hear of your struggles x

Sending you strength. I think it sounds like the anxiety and nerves you are feeling are proportionate to what you have been through and the return to work after mat leave which would always be difficult in any circumstances. In terms of what you should do, sick leave may grant you some respite from the problem but would presumably you feel the same again once that is over? Perhaps you could request an extension of say a month to your time off and use this time to access some counselling, work out and practice coping strategies for your anxiety and so on to ease the transition. If you have an understanding boss could you request a phased return?

Thanks, both. I think the reality of the bereavements is only just hitting me. I've tried to contact my manager a few times to discuss my return, but no response yet. Doesn't fill me with confidence but it's a massive public sector organisation that I don't want to get on the wrong side of.

I'm also autistic and felt the same way you did about returning to work. In the end I took a long period of unpaid leave (very fortunate to be able to do that, I realise) until I'd adjusted enough to feel comfortable returning to work.

Puberty, pregnancy/childbirth and menopause are three periods of extra difficulty for autistic females so don't be too hard on yourself right now. I wish I'd known at the time because it would all have made so much more sense.

On top of that you have had several bereavements - I'm very sorry for your losses. If you can afford to take time, do so. You need time and space to get back on an even keel.

Sorry to hear of your hard time. I would at least give going back to work a try for a week or two. At that point you’re still as able to go off sick if required as you are now, but the reason I say it is that I think there can be a tendency to assume that going back after mat leave means life will get harder and I haven’t found that to be the case in practice either time. Working gives you a routine, things outside of your own immediate family/circle to think about and time away from your children, all of which I find make me feel better and happier. Mat leave drove me crazy.

Really, really appreciate everyone's replies. They're making me cry a bit but in a nice way because it means I'm not alone. I'm sad that others have struggled as well tho. Our society makes everything difficult just to live and work.

@MiddleParking yes I'm starting to think I need to go back and see how I go. I've asked for a chat with occupational health in the next week or so as well.