Name change but posted about various parts of this separately so there may be some duplication.
I want to leave the father of my children. He is an alcoholic and things never get better. I haven't shared a bed with him for two years and the thought of it makes me feel ill. We are just together for convenience.
We were supposed to be moving as a last ditch attempt to save the relationship. As always he says that the house is the one reason why he is how he is, this is why we're stressed, this is why we argue. It's not and I know that. I went along with it as I don't like our house but now I know it is crazy to buy another house together when I'm 99% sure we will split in the next year.
The trouble is, I'm supposed to be going back to full time study and a new career in the summer. The course is about an hours drive from where we are now but long hours. If we were staying together then I could have arranged a nanny to do school pick up and drop offs with his help and salary so the kids could stay in the same school.
If I leave then I'll get UC but there's no chance I'll get a mortgage on my own whilst I'm a student. I have about 250K equity in the house. So I can buy a small two bed flat (no garden) where I am now. If I move to the area where the course and placement is, I could buy a three bed terraced or a nice two bed semi. The schools are good too.
I have to do the course now as I'm getting older and I need to increase my earning potential especially as a soon to be lone parent. This will take me from 24K to 30K in a year.
The pros and cons of buying in the same area as my course are as follow
1.) but my own house which I can feel safe and proud of
2.) no hour long commute on a busy motorway each day
3.) outstanding secondary on the doorstep for when DC's get to that age (7 and 6 currently, one with additional needs)
4.) can commit fully to course and subsequent career in the same hospital as I will know that I'm staying in that area and so can get to know the demographic
Cons
- my kids will have to deal with a parental relationship breakdown, mum and dad living separately, new house, new area and new schools
- moving an hour away from my support network (parents, friends, great school community with amazing mum friends, non parent friends, grandparents, cousins) As we all have been city based, a lot of these people can't or don't drive. I'm not sure how much they will be able to come see me as new area is rural.
- I dreamed of DC's living and being teens in a biggish city, so they can have independence, go to gigs, nightlife etc. Also the diversity aspect. I'm not white British and tbh the thought of a place with very little diversity terrifies me.
- their dad doesn't drive and I think he'll use the distance as a 'she's taken my kids away' thing and blame it for the reason he doesn't see them.
My brain is about to explode. Please help!