to be annoyed at my mum and her dating?

[misboo]

My mum has been using internet dating sites for a little while- she is a sensible, professional woman. She met this guy on the website and arranged to meet him after a few phone calls, in a public place, told us all where she was going etc. The guy never showed up, no reason, no phone call, email, no explanation. After a few days she phoned him to ask for an explanation (no idea why she bothered but...) and he told her some rubbish about having forgotten due to work comittments. So she arranged to meet him again (?!) And again he never showed up. So she left it, although not before sending him a massive angry email which obviously he never responded to.

I then found out from my sister that my mum
had sent this guy photos of me, my brother and sister and DS! I'm really annoyed about it, not particularly worried about anything dodgy although obviously this guy is a weirdo, just feel that this is a total invasion of our privacy and that she should have asked permission.

She has now met someone else, relationship is proceeding at a rapid pace. No faster than a usual infatuation, and i'm glad she has found someone that she enjoys spending time with, but within a week he had been to her house, introduced to all her children etc etc (wasn't told he would be there until arriving). I feel very uncomfortable about the lack of concern she has shown for us in what she should realise would be a difficult situation for us, especially my sister who still lives with her.

I am annoyed about the photo, and feeling that she is giving us all tmi about her new relationship - which she refuses to acknowledge. Aren't you supposed to be careful about introducing a new partner to your kids (we are all under 22 so old enough to have our own partners but still attached to our mum!)

Sorry to go on, just feel her behaviour around this has been unreasonable and needed some views. There have been lots more little things but you have plenty of examples of what i mean! Thanks,

I would be miffed too. What she does in her life is up to her, she is a grown woman but would be v.annoyed at her sending pics of you and kids!!

Message withdrawn

It's the involving us all the time too, like you say she can do what she wants in her own life but it has to be our business and if we're not thrilled to hear about him/where they've been etc then we are deliberately denying her the happiness she deserves.

My sister's quietness/annoyance is interpreted as an attempt to split them up and stop my mum enjoying herself!

It's great she's met someone, but obviously she knows nothing about him except what he's told her, and as she thinks he's great has no scepticism of him. I don't see any reason why she should have, he's probably a really nice guy, just think a bit of caution is common sense when you have kids and a grandchild?

I don't think she's being malicious, just unaware. She's a loving, caring, generous person.I read some of the thread about the strangers and photos, just made me uncomfortable that my mum didn't ask me first. I don't particularly like having my photo taken, and wouldn't send it to a stranger myself. Think she should have asked us first. Don't know why - maybe a lot of people have some sort of background unease about cameras and photos they couldn't explain so it makes them uncomfortable. Probably goes back to photos of me looking awful and greasy as a teenager!

My mother went through the dating thing a number of years ago. All of the relationships seemed to proceed to fast to me, but I talked to her about it and she said several things:

1. She had forgotten how to date and had no idea what was appropriate;

1. She was nervous at her lack of experience;

1. She did want me to meet them as (a) she was not sure of her judgement (b) I was so important to her that if I thought he was a complete pillock and could not get on with him, that would have been that;

1. As the last time she had dated she was fairly young, that was how she felt again - like an ardent teenager. She couldn't decided if dating in general made you feel like that or it was just her emotional associations with it.

I agree with the photo being a bit much, but could the rest just be down to nerves and her family being pretty much all she feels she has to talk about?

I agree she doesn't quite know what is appropriate/normal, but that's because (i think) she has spent the last 15 years (11 of them married herself) seeing a married man. I only found out about it recently, and my brother and sister don't know. So she is very excited about being able to have a normal relationship she can talk about i think. I don't think wanting our approval before it goes further with him is the reason for intoducing him so soon, because when i said i thought it was a bit soon to meet him and that i'd felt uncomfortable her reaction was to get defensive, angry, and say i was judging him unfairly. I don't think she can separate my issues with her behaviour from him - she thinks i'm having a go at the person she is seeing which is not the problem.

Really glad to hear someone else's experiences - i knew it would be a bit awkward/cringey when my mum met someone but wasn't expecting it to have such a negative impact. I'm hoping when the first stage cools off it will calm everything else down too!