To be annoyed at husbands priorities

[Lakelandlove]

My husband has OCD and it is really bad when it comes to cleaning the home. I try my best to make sure everything is done but he always feels that it’s not done to his standard and ends up re-cleaning everything I’ve cleaned.

He’s been out of the country for 2 weeks for reasons I can’t go into meaning he’s missed Christmas and New Year and we have 3 children.

He’s arriving home today and has told me all he wants to do is sort out the house. I’ve explained that the kids have missed him and I would really like him to spend some time with them and he can get whatever needs done when they are at school but he’s refusing and is putting the housework before the children.

AIBU?

Do you mean he has diagnosed ocd, or just that he is a bit particular?

No.

If he has OCD he’s not able to control it is he ? I’m sure he loves the kids but hes just not a good parent. Why are you subjecting the children to him?

Oops pressed too soon.

No, it's time for a wake up chat. He either gets help or you and the kids are gone.

Nah, that’s a cop-out. He absolutely could try to control it if he wanted to. Including by getting help. It’s not actually helpful to imply that people are just totally helpless in the face of it.

And I say that as someone with OCD.

He hasn’t been diagnosed as he won’t see anyone about it. He has admitted himself that he has it and I know by all of the research I’ve done that he definitely has it.

I can be particular about certain things also but he takes it to a whole other level.

He needs therapy if he really does have OCD.

He’s not being a good parent or husband right now.

Then tell him to get help or leave.

You can live your life like this and it’s unfair for the children who could potentially pick up his OCD traits.

*can’t

Gosh that's tough for you all and it must be hard not to resent him. Either he's a very particular selfish and controlling individual...or he's mentally unwell. If he's ill and won't seek help he's possibly both.
Only you can decide how much you are prepared to let his behaviour impact on yours and your children's life. How did it feel having the house to yourself? How did you feel the night before he returned? How do you feel now? If nothing changes your frustration will turn to anger then resentment.....and not just you. You're old enough to underdstand it's him not you, but your children aren't.
Time for an ultumatum I think. Good luck

OCD is horrible to live with but if he is refusing treatment then he is selfish.