To be so confused on when to start ttc no 2.

[Bells3032]

Sorry posting here for traffic. I am at a loss and wondering what people's thoughts are.

My daughter has just turned 1. She was 6 weeks early. We still have no idea why. We have started thinking about ttc no 2. We originally said Jan but pushed it back to March as going back to work start of march and didn't want to go back with morning sickness etc.

However I am starting to think of pushing back to July for a few reasons.

Major reasons:

1. I developed severe diabetes I my first pregnancy including being hospitalised at 25 weeks and sadly it didn't go away. It's deteroriated as well over the last few months so I am currently on a very strict diet to bring down numbers and lose weight. I want my sugars under control before we conceive although should hopefully be there by march as I've come a long way, there's still work to stabilise it and it may be prudent to wait a few months and hopefully maybe even go into remission.

1. Linked to that my weight. My bmi is currently 35 (it was 38 at the start of my last pregnancy). I'd ideally like it under 30 before getting pregnant for my health and baby. Thats another 2st 3lbs to go, not very realistic before march.

Minor reasons (not reasons in themselves but annnoying)

1. We have my husbands brothers wedding in August in a v hot country. Its likely to be in marquee. And my naseau was heat triggered during my first pregnancy so being pregnant then doesn't sound fun (not mentioning having to hide it all weekend if in first trimester).
2. We have booked a family trip with my sister and parents over Christmas and though it's cancellable I'll feel sad about missing out.
3. It's likely I'll be doing a different rule on my return to work so would give me more time to learn the role before feeling awful from pregnancy.

However, my husband is technically classed as infertile. Due to his childhood cancer we were told to not bother ttc naturally and went straight for ivf. However thanks for some meds etc we accidently conceived (what they think were) fraternal twins between Retrival and transfer. We lost one but the other is our dd. We have no idea if this was a total fluke or we'd be able to conceive easily again.

I don't want to wait and it take forever and really regret not starting earlier.

I also don't want a big gap between my dd and her sibling and always thought two years was perfect, if we wait it'll likely be nearer three or more if it takes a while which we prob will.

My husband wantd to start in March as he's worried how long it'll take. My parents and sister (who I am exceptionally close to) think it's better to wait.

Help

I'd go for it now given potential fertility issues.

I held off TTC a second as I wondered if the fertility gods may be kinder this time. Alas they have not. And we are now at a point where we might stop trying because the age gap will be too big/it's too much of a drain on my mental health trying and having no joy.

Go for it now, your life will fit around it

Just go for it! There's always reasons against. Good luck!

Op, you, like me, know there is no answer to this.

If you are saying you conceived naturally,during ivf, which I think is correct? Then surely you, as much as me, know that it's out your control.

If you feel ready to add to your family, you start trying, if you don't, then you wait.

Tbh if missing out on a family trip is even a factor then it doesn't seem like you are serious about wanting to conceive a second baby.

If you have known fertility issues then it would be silly to wait, although given your GD which has now progressed to Type 2 I would definitely try to get your weight under control as you are at much higher risk of complications.

I would talk to diabetes nurse about safest way to approach second pregnancy.

@Hankunamatata unfortunately the next available appt for mine is the end of April so not really an option

Ok the health reasons seem pretty major. If weight is a factor in likelihood of gestational diabetes then definitely try and lose weight first so you can try and be as healthy as possible and reduce the risks.

Everything else is just detail and can be worked around. There will always be an event coming up or stuff coming up at work that you dont want to be pregnant for, it's not important. Your health is.

DH and I went back and forth on when to TTC with DC2 because of pregnancy related issues with DC1. We went to a Mexican restaurant and the restaurant owner got chatting - he’d just had a baby, his second and his first was 16. He said that they were waiting for the perfect time to have a second and had ended up realising, after 15 years, no time was perfect. He said we should just go for it. So, that night, we just went for it - then we thought we probably got carried away and shouldn’t have, started back on the condoms and, a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. So, yeah… I’d go with the Mexican guy because he obviously knew something we didn’t. There’s no perfect time.

I'd say stabilising blood sugars is most important for your health and healthy pregnancy

www.nhs.uk/pregnancy/related-conditions/existing-health-conditions/diabetes/

It's best if the level is no more than 6.5% before you get pregnant. If you cannot get your level below 6.5%, try to get it as close as possible to reduce the risk of complications for you and your baby.

If your blood glucose level is above 10%, your care team should strongly advise you not to try for a baby until it has fallen.

The diabetes is my main concern. A month ago my 1ac was 83 (9.7%), I've worked hard and now according to my constant glucose monitor its 52/6.9%. This is on a very stringent diet though. I'm working very very hard but it's only been a month. I'm still a struggling to get my fasting readings under control. I will likely have to go on insulin immediately getting pregnant at this point and the higher dose I'm on the higher risk of placental failure later in pregnancy.

Im worried if I wait and it takes ages then I'll regret not starting earlier but if I don't and I have complications from the diabetes I'll regret not waiting til I'm healthier

If the only issue were infertility I'd say go for it now. But your weight, your previous early delivery and your blood sugars are all significant risk factors when you're looking at miscarriage, pre teem delivery and still birth. Get your blood sugars sorted and take the advice from your diabetic team, even if it takes a little longer. Each pregnancy for you guys is going to be incredibly precious- give each one the best chance, rather than rushing x

You need to get your diabetes and weight under control first surely? It’s a serious condition and should be of paramount importance rather than prioritising holidays and age gaps.

Perhaps speak to your GP or diabetes nurse.

We have a 7 year age gap, ideally wanted a little less but having 2 very close together was never an appeal our two still play together, no fighting (from the older one anyway). I like our age gap.

My first was born at 33 weeks. I got pregnant quickly when DC1 was 12 months and DC2 was born at 38 weeks.

The only one of your reasons which would be a major cocern for me would be the diabetes and I think I would wait to get my levels down then begin ttc. I don't think it will do you any good to get pg now and have such hard to control diabetes and related complications. The second pregnancy is harder because you have the first child to look after, you will be busier and more tired so probably find it tougher to eat well. Get yourself healthy first, your children will need you to be around for a long time to come! I know it's hard to delay if you have concerns about fertility but you need to be pragmatic about it if you aren't in good enough health for a pregnancy then the fertility issues are irrelevant. Well done on improving things since your last pregnancy and good luck getting where you need to be.

I enjoyed having my life back too much once my daughter turned 1 ! We decided to wait longer than planned because I loved being back at work - doing well there and am doing a course and on track for a promotion

we have a massive holiday planned soon and I don’t want to be pregnant on that as it’s a holiday we were meant to go on way back in 2020 and I feel I deserve to enjoy it and not have to stay sober or feel exhausted / sick / needing to sleep loads

we have Glastonbury tickets in July and tbh I want to go wild there - who knows how long it be til I can do that again if baby number 2 comes along

sooo we decided to wait until after all these things !

also waiting until my daughter is nearly 3 means when I go back to work nursery fees for 3 year old will be lower and it won’t be too long having 2 in nursery as school will start in September

it’s impossible to say what is best as everyone’s situation is different

I don't think you'd be unreasonable to wait. Your own health is more important than conceiving

You need to be healthy enough to carry a baby and your body to cope with the strain.
Also it is harder second time around as the first child shows you no mercy. No naps, no resting, chasing them round the park, pushing a buggy up hills, lifting them in and out of car seats and the bath etc etc. Being woken in the night whilst pregnant by oldest. It's all great and normal family life but I'd get yourself in a good place physically and mentally to deal with it.

Also if you jump too soon and have a lot of
Complications you will spend a lot of time away from oldest. This would be hard on them.

There are also benefits to oldest being nearly 3 as well as funding for pre school they will be potty trained and able to follow basic instructions to put on their own shoes and coat and you won't need a double buggy. So a bigger gap isn't all bad.

Understand the pressure of the fertility issues but your health comes first.

It’s the diabetes that would give me pause; I don’t know much about it but my main question is if you don’t get your health into a better position before having another could it then be worse after your second?