Divorcees!! Help!

[Emsy1088]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic.

Going through a horrible divorce (after emotional abuse I think) and feeling like I’m never going to be happy again. Feel lonely, unloveable, miss the kids when they are with him, that sort of thing.

If you have been through this, please help! What advice can you give me? What can I do to feel better?

Sorry for posting here but I don’t really know anyone who has been through this and I realise need some advice.

Hopeful bump

I had my whole life pulled from under me - 3 kids, had to sell family home - it's a bereavement and you need to give yourself time to cope with it - it's horrible and hard BUT - it gets better it really does

I made time for me when they went to dads - saw friends, went to the gym, did things I enjoyed (necking wine and watching films that made me angry cry!) - I am loved - by my kids and my friends and family

I have stayed single because the emotional wreckage left me not wanting a relationship (14 years and counting) - I'm solvent and very happy.

Kids are great - 4mth/4/6 when he left - now amazing young women setting out in the world

Oddly their relationship with their dad improved as he was forced to actually parent them! His partner - who was the OW is also a good step-mum who's helped things run smoothly

Be kind to yourself - it gets better and you will be happy again

It will get easier, I promise. You are lovable and you will be happy again. If you're mid divorce give the dust time to settle, it's bloody hard work and you'll still be reeling, it's very disorienting. Be kind to yourself. In practical terms, make sure that when you've not got the kids you have plans, and lots of them.

Pour effort into yourself, and try and see the positives when you feel lonely, that for all the couples out there there are a fairly small percentage that are truly happy and there is a peace that comes with having your own front door to which you're the only key holder, and control what goes on behind it, that is really amazing!

I did go on to meet someone really wonderful, having sworn blind that I would never, ever ever go down that road again, and I am happier than I have ever been or though possible, so if that's something you're interested in then it definitely can happen.

The kids are well adjusted, and happy, doing well at school and have lots of friends. No ill effects evident, certainly not as damaging as witnessing the shit show that was the marriage if I'd have stayed.

I’m 5 years post divorce, we did 50/50 co-parenting so suddenly had to manage not seeing my kids for half the week. Also difficult split with ex being a complete shite.

in the early stages I made sure I planned things in the times I didn’t have the kids - friends over for dinner or meeting up with them, going to see things (gallery etc- not into art particularly but it was something to do) or even just plan a cosy night in with a bath, good film and yum take away / ready meal etc.

Now 5 years on ex and I co-parent well and mostly there isn’t any drama, I have met a lovely man who is just awesome and all the things ex wasn’t.

kids are fine and mostly happy shifting between homes, we even do things altogether with ex, me and them sometimes.

You are in the most difficult place right now, focus on you and the kids, it will get easier x

It gets easier, it really does. The pain of separation from your children post-divorce is not really properly acknowledged in our society.

My best advice is to set up a new and positive routine for you and the children when they are with you. And...do almost the opposite for the times when you're alone! This is an immensely stressful and exhausting period in your life. Give yourself permission to rest, be self indulgent, don't impose deadlines on yourself, or over-commit yourself socially.

The silver lining of divorce is that you get regular down time with nobody to look after. It can feel like a prison sentence. I try to look at it as a retreat instead.