Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To NOT always be surgically attached to my phone

28 replies

niceduvet · 04/01/2023 19:27

I have two friends plus my husband who expect me always to respond to their phone messages immediately and become disgruntled if they can't get hold of me instantly or if I don't reply straight away. I do try always to get back to them as soon as I can. I've tried to explain that often I'm in work meetings or maybe even in the bath (how dare I want some me time), but even that doesn't seem to cut it with them! It's really starting to p*ss me off. AIBU?

OP posts:
BritAbroad101 · 04/01/2023 19:31

It is normal in this day and age to be honest

Keyansier · 04/01/2023 19:34

People always get annoyed with me because I read messages but don't respond to them when I've read them. I don't see why I should have to be instantly available to anyone when I don't want to be.

Chikapu · 04/01/2023 19:35

No, you're not being unreasonable, I've mentioned before about a friend who starts asking me if I'm ok if I don't reply to her within an hour! It drives me mad, I could be doing any number of things that don't require me to have my phone to hand.

redskydelight · 04/01/2023 19:36

BritAbroad101 · 04/01/2023 19:31

It is normal in this day and age to be honest

It's really not. Many workplaces don't even allow phones. Most people can survive without getting an immediate response to a message (unless urgent). People do have different attitudes to phone use, but OP has made hers clear so others should respect that.

gonnabeok · 04/01/2023 19:38

You're it being unreasonable - I'm the same Messages do not rule my life. I reply when I'm ready to. God forbid I'm sometimes not even in the same room as my phone. I survived fine for 30 years without one funnily enough! My friends think I'm strange for not having my phone next to me when I'm I bed either.

Original poster
niceduvet · 04/01/2023 19:38

I guess I wouldn't expect others to drop everything to answer my messages immediately if they were otherwise engaged. I'd give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they'll get back to me as soon as they can. Makes me feel like going off grid!

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 04/01/2023 19:38

YANBU. I have my phone on silent so only check messages when I'm ready to. I hate being in demand with my phone. Don't let the people around you get to you. Tell them to call you if it's an emergency.

IronicElf · 04/01/2023 19:38

I've trained people to not expect me to answer instantly. By just not doing it, and not being bothered or apologising if it's mentioned. I'll tell people the phone is there for Pokemon Go, Merge Dragons etc my convenience, not there's.

I also have a rule that if anyone not close to me calls me out on it, they get instantly blocked - Fuck em

Closer people get a warning that I will block them if it becomes an issue. I blocked DH for 2 days until he believed me.

I miss the days where if you were out, or on holiday you could just BE.

Highhi · 04/01/2023 19:44

Yanbu. I’ve muted everyone, I check my messages when I feel like it and now people do not expect fast replies from me.
They know if they need me urgently they can ring my work/house phone.
I’m not even allowed my phone at work, it’s in my locker all day, and anyway it’s healthy to have some time away from it.

Whataplanker · 04/01/2023 19:51

Totally agree. Often read messages as I'm getting in the car or cooking etc so I don't reply immediately. My MIL apologises profusely if she doesn't reply immediately. I really don't care!

Original poster
niceduvet · 04/01/2023 19:55

IronicElf - good for you as it's soooo annoying (and very entitled of those expecting an instant response). Not the sort of people I'd naturally want to be friends with, unless of course they had sufficient redeeming qualities.

OP posts:
SingleSnickers · 04/01/2023 19:56

I am on my phone 8 hours a day - tbh it normal in this day and age, but I want to change this.

LlynTegid · 04/01/2023 20:08

How reassuring to read of someone who thinks like me. Using technology as a friend.

Greenfairydust · 04/01/2023 20:17

I am the same.

I think it is unreasonable that people believe they can dictate what you do with your time and expect instant responses. I also don't expect people to answer my messages immediately.

Some of us have lives that don't involve looking at screens every five seconds.

Unless it is some kind of emergency, I read and answer messages in my on time.

Original poster
niceduvet · 04/01/2023 20:48

Glad to hear I'm not alone! I often only check my phone 3 or 4 times a day which I'm sure might be a shocker to some. I like to think it's because I have a life ;)

OP posts:
katepilar · 04/01/2023 20:52

I hate that too.

underneaththeash · 04/01/2023 20:55

BritAbroad101 · 04/01/2023 19:31

It is normal in this day and age to be honest

It shouldn’t be though..for a start it’s bloody rude to interrupt a conversation/meeting to answer a message.

BedfordBloo · 04/01/2023 21:00

It depends.

  • If your DC is in a nursery and they need to contact you in an emergency, what provision do you have? DH works in a role where he absolutely cannot have his phone on him so nursery know that and don’t phone him.
  • My family tend to do family calls on video chat on Saturday mornings (ties in time wise with siblings who live abroad). It’s not set in and not every week and not everyone will answer but it’s been roughly that time for years. DSis never has her phone on her and never answers and then gets angry that no one told her in advance to have her phone on her when they called (usually because they didn’t know that they would call that week or exactly what time). It’s frustrating to be expected to plan everything in advance or be blamed for others missing out.
  • My DM never, ever, ever answers her phone when she gets home from work because it stays in her car overnight during the week. It’s so annoying to have to contact her during both of our working hours or know she won’t answer. She doesn’t text or message so, if it can’t wait until the weekend, it happens during the work day.

You don’t need to be glued to your phone but it is incredibly annoying when people are completely uncontactable all of the time.

Chickenly · 04/01/2023 21:04

Overall, the most annoying thing about people who don’t have their phones on them is the pious, holier-than-thou attitude about it. It’s not an achievement and, no, sitting in bath with your phone on your bed is no more “having a life” than sitting in the bath with your phone on the bathroom shelf. It’s pretty pathetic that you think that’s what “having a life” means

ImAvingOops · 04/01/2023 21:18

I'm usually glued to my phone, so on the rare occasion it's on charge in another room and I don't answer a text immediately, everyone assumes I'm dead!
I got Life360 to keep an eye on dd's location when she's out with her friends, but instead she seems to be tracking me - I get texts to buy her stuff cos she knows I'm in Waitrose.
Saw on fb the other day that when the phone was tethered to the wall, people were free! It's true - I love my phone but I do miss that feeling of complete freedom I had in the 90s, when you could be out and no bugger could bother you.

lljkk · 04/01/2023 21:35

I feel like I need to be surgically attached because I constantly forget where phone is, to turn it on, to check it for messages. Basically if I don't check it every 5 minutes on one of 10 messaging platforms on there, I'll miss something that someone sent me with short notice & hopes I'll act on.

Plumbear2 · 04/01/2023 21:37

It can take me several hours to even realise I have a message. My kids are teens now but when I'm with them I ignore the phone, my time is there's. My kids also do this so I've taught them well

Original poster
niceduvet · 04/01/2023 22:43

Lljkk - lol yes! Too many social media platforms to contend with these days! I can't be arsed to constantly check them all!

OP posts:
Florissant · 04/01/2023 22:50

I rarely use my phone. If someone wants to contact me, they can email me.

EmmaEmerald · 04/01/2023 22:51

YANBU at all

I have my phone with me all the time because of my elderly mother, in case of more accidents etv

so when I'm at her house, I don't look at it much, which some people have found puzzling. If it wasn't for mum, it would be on mute quite a lot tbh.