Seven year old boy regressed and acting in an aggressive manner after trauma

[Reallyworried12]

My 7yo DS is becoming increasingly aggressive and blowing up from nothing. He is also increasingly hyperactive, initially at home but also now at school. Also using 'baby-ish' language and concentration has completely diminished. The behaviour looks like some aspects of ADHD, but he was fine before. As a family we have been through a major trauma and we could not shield him from all of it.

Please may I ask advice, as to whether this is normal in the circumstances and what the most appropriate help/management is (sorry, not writing from English)? Should we be really worried (we are) or is this a phase that should resolve?

I'd recommend you look for a therapist that specialises in PTSD in children. If the traumatic event is causing the issues, they won't clear up until the PTSD has been treated. And if it isn't the cause they'll be able to let you know and refer you elsewhere if they can't help.

Thank you @ShrillBill I will do this. PTSD would be highly likely in the circumstances and we need to address it before DS starts to get worse and get into trouble for his behaviour.

Yes I think the trauma needs addressing first.

So sorry to hear this. Sending love. Yes, it sounds like a trauma response. When stuck in 'fight, flight or freeze' mode, the thinking part of the brain (pre frontal cortex) is effectively shut off. It sounds like his nervous system is trying to get back to centre. This is absolutely possible if you / a therapist safely anchors him through his fearful responses. Hard to do, especially with aggressive behaviour. But it helped me to remember that this is the fear discharging. They don't actually want to hurt anyone. I would seek a child therapist to support you as well as him. Best of luck.

I recently read a book on parenting children who have been through trauma. It was extremely interesting and helped me to find understanding about a traumatised child's rage, anger, misbehaviour - and behaviour more generally.

Both in terms of practical advice and also wider understanding of where the child's behaviour is rooted (almost always fear).

It's called A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish.

I think she had primarily written for foster / adoptive parents (whose children will very often have experienced deep trauma) but there was a lot I took from it as a biological mum. 🤍

I hope you are also getting support for yourself?

Play therapist trained here. Yes that is completely normal and really, a much better response than seeming 'fine' and 'as good as gold' etc. You don't detail the trauma but feel free to PM if you think it would be useful. Acknowledging feelings, allowing for lots of free play and art, sensory input etc all very beneficial. Lots of understanding, love, affection, reassurance and safety go a long way. Any punishing, shaming etc isn't appropriate at all, though of course it is difficult behaviour.

I would suggest a play therapist for him or, if you can, a creative psychotherapist, harder to get. Wishing you all the very best.

If you wish to PM I can give you specific advice as to what was useful for us.

mine was DV in which the child (mine) was injured this came 4 months after she witnessed physically violence between exes father and him.

Has he got an EHCP? Or been assessed by an Ed Psy?

What works for one child doesn’t work for another but I can tell you the strategies I used with mine on top of professional help. I can also point you in the direction of some adult reading that might help you.

So sorry to hear that your family has suffered trauma.

Your child will need his inner core needs met in order to resume his cognitive abilities. He need to feel safe and secure in order to concentrate to study and feel settled at home and school.

At 7 this may need lots of re-bonding with you, lots of closeness and trust restored, opportunities to express how he feels and lots of small tools to help him build resilience.

If he learns how to recognise and name his feelings that would be a good start.

Just being able to share his feelings and have them validated by you will help relieve some if the emotional burden.

Ensure the school knows they can put Thrive or another in school expression/therapy session in place for him.

Poor little soul. If you act now he'll be totally fine. He needs consistency and to feel safe. Theres no quick fix.

Thank you all so much for your helpful and kind advice. I struggle to read and respond, as I still cannot really comprehend this is our situation. I am following up with the school and local health service, as well as doing everything possible at home. Thank you again, it is so much appreciated.

Good luck @Reallyworried12
You got this. Just keep going forward, slow and steady

My friend who was going through an ADHD diagnosis for her son was asked about trauma precisely because it can cause similar symptoms.

I second advice to find a childhood trauma specialist. Good luck OP 💐💐💐

Good luck reallyworried, post or pm at any stage. Just remember, trauma has changed the brain but healing can change it again. Thinking of you.

I was a traumatised child, now an adult with CPTSD. I think the best thing you can do before proper therapy is put in place:

Lots of loving gestures in a way he can understand. Reinforce his self worth, his belonging within the family unit, let him feel security in the things you do to ensure his safety.

Release him from the expectations that cause a row. If he's a fussy eater, let him eat his safety foods, if he is bedwetting, just deal with it without shame. Let him regress, lean into it- wrap him up in a duvet and snuggle him like a baby while he watches cartoons, spoon feed him when he's tired. He's not doing it to be naughty or manipulative and it won't be forever, he wants to feel safe and re-establish your bond. He's mourning the loss of his safety.

Understand that he might have triggers that you can't see, that don't make sense, that even he doesn't understand. Gentle parenting techniques are going to be key here.

Just be with him in his trauma, validate that it was a shit thing to happen and completely unfair. Say that you are sorry it happened to him. Allow him to grieve for the safety of "before times".