I was so close to hitting him

[Moveawaynow]

I need help and I don't know how to access it.

"DH" and I have DCs. For some time, DH has not been sharing a bed with me. We have sex but he sleeps in his room. I hate it and I feel like a prostitute. He knows how much I hate it. He makes promises but he never changes. His last excuse is that our youngest is often comes to bed with me. Before that, I was too messy. Before that, I had pollen in my hair that triggered his allergies. Before that, he had some anxiety issues. There are ALWAYS excuses.

Around Christmas he had his family around. I was angry, frustrated and resentful that I have to do anything for him to be honest.

I have NEVER hit anyone in my life. I found myself waving a wooden spoon around, hitting the air. It sounds comical. He was quite a few metres away so he would not have been hit. I don't condone violence but I felt at that point that I didn't care if I hit it.

I am turning into a horrible, angry, sad person. I don't know what to do.

What’s he like outside the bedroom?

Does he do his fair share of housework and childcare?

When his family came round, did host them or sit on his arse?

Is he affectionate with hugs etc?

If you’re not happy with the relationship and he can’t or won’t meet your needs then you should leave him.

why are you doing everything for him? Your not a servant?

He isn't adding anything to your life and if your spending your time angry and upset it isnt healthy either. I would be leaving or asking him to

Hard to judge this, because you've only spoken about the sex/bedroom.....no other context. But either way, any relationship that's driving you to feel that way is clearly not good for you.

He does a lot of DIY. He always looks for things that need fixing. I won't get started on this as this is driving me mad.

He is not affectionate. I can't even remember the last time we kissed. Yes, it is that bad.

He sits on his arse when he hosts.

I need to leave. We share a house and a bank account. I don't even know where to start. I have no one who can support me.

Do I ask him to leave? Do I take the kids and move to a rental? Is there anywhere where I can get practical advice.

If you genuinely feel like you are on the edge of violence then you have to leave the home, even if only for a day or two, to get yourself under control. I understand why you're angry, but if you're on the verge of hurting another person then you have to leave.