Play dates and etiquette surrounding cats and dogs?

[Staffielove23]

My toddler has a play date organised next week with a mum that’s new to the area and her little one. I very seldom have folk round because I enjoy spending time alone. I also have 4 cats and a dog. Would it weird to check she’s not allergic to cats or frightened of dogs? Or should I just play it by ear.

YABU to mention it. They’re coming to see the people, not the pets.

YANBU to mention it. They might be allergic.

Yes mention it, you can already see from the responses on this thread that there is a clear divide between those who love animals and those who don't, or just feel uncomfortable around pets.

I wouldn't mention the animals, if they had allergies I would expect them to say.

But, I would (and would expect) dogs/cats/children who are not familiar with each other to all be kept separate. My sister still has a childhood scar on her face from a friends cat that took a dislike to her. I have the most placid and stoic Labrador in the world but always gave him his own space, never left him unsupervised when ds's friends were visiting.

If you allowed them roam and had no intention of separating them I'd tell them in advance. ESP if it's a big dog or because there's so many. My friend won't put their dog out or keep him in the kitchen when we visit (as is her right- it's his home) but I'd be reluctant to go with my 3 kids on our own as a result because the 2 year old has no dog sense and needs to be watched like a hawk and the 4 year old is very nervous of him and will start shrieking and squealing when he can see him if he's alone which is also no use to anyone and particularly unhelpful when you're also trying to mind the 2 year old. So I'll go if I have dh so we can take a kid each. He's a gorgeous dog and is so friendly and really well behaved. If your dog was roaming around I'd have to make sure it was just me and the 4 year old. If you're happy to keep him in the kitchen or outside I don't think you'd need to say anything.

It works both ways. It isn't just about feeling comfortable around a pet, it is also about not knowing if a child knows how to act around pets.

I have seen a child needing to be told it is not funny to put your face directly in front of a dogs and blow up it nose! I want to protect my pet from children that do no know yet how to behave around animals.

If I was going round for a toddler play date I would be more comfortable if the dog was in a different room.

It’s nothing personal, I’m sure your dog is lovely, I’m just wary of animals around my child until I get to know them a bit for myself.

My DS loves dogs and has no fear - he would go up to any dog and attempt to pat its face, which the dog may or may not like.

I tend to mention our cats because we have an open plan house and our cats are massive sooks who rub themselves all over any visitor. I don't generally assume pets will be mentioned elsewhere though. We don't have a dog but I like them so it doesn't worry me

Yes mention it. Their toddler might have an absolute fascination for chasing cats and pulling them around. Or an allergy or anything really. It’s likely not to be a big deal since I’m assuming the mum is staying but definitely mention it, especially the dog.

And don’t make her ask, tell her the dog will be kept entirely separately. I’m a dog lover but would be very wary about an unknown dog around my toddler. All dogs are unpredictable. All.

@ClubhouseGift well, everyone has different opinions don't they.

Yes, absolutely, I think that's really kind.

I'm in the mention it camp, and I'm a pet owner/lover.

You can easily just say it in a "By the way, just so you know, I've got 4 cats and a dog. I'll keep the dog out the way, and the cats will likely stay out of the way too, but they're all otherwise friendly and obviously used to children."

I don't think @Clubhousegift is a dog-lover, or even knows dogs at all, to tar all Staffies as being vicious. They've got as much chance of being vicious as any other breed of dog - it depends on how they've been trained and treated. They got a bit of a reputation for a while when teenage thugs had them as some sort of status symbol but prior to that they were always thought of as perfect family dogs.

My Best Friend had a staffie when we were growing up and she was the soppiest, most lovable dog that you could do anything too (i.e. taking toys away from her, checking her teeth, etc).

Two of the most vicious dogs I've ever met have been a Jack Russell and a Springer Spaniel.

I never mention it but all the kids that come here, I know have pets so mustn’t be allergic.

I also don’t ask if anyone has any food allergies either, either when they come for tea or when I have a party for DD.

Maybe I need to start remembering these things!

Staffies aren’t.

Neither are bull mastiff breeds- not referring to the xl bully types.

No idea why clubhouse is responding, with clear hatred and no knowledge whatsoever - gotta love mn.

I would check, even then be prepared to put the pet in another room and never invite them again. It beggars belief the number of times I’ve told parents about my dog, (who is loving but massive) and been told the child is “fine.” Then they proceed to scream, run away arms flailing, because my boy has wandered over to say hello and get a pat.

There is nothing more dangerous than this behaviour, and accidents can happen. I don’t mean the dog attacking, although they can certainly become over excited.

I mention food/ diet and drinks preferences too after being told ‘my child isn’t allowed pop’. Well it’s a party and your kid is now having a tantrum on the floor- said tantrum lasted 45 mins of on the floor, legs and arms pounding the floor- high pitched screeching It wasn’t the last tantrum either, child was a younger sibling- never witnessed such behaviour in my life. Never again! and in hindsight I think she should have left with her brat child.

I’d expect them to tell you if they had allergies.
I’d keep the cats and dog in a separate room though, until they’ve said they’re ok with them.

I think it would be considerate of you to mention it. I would just text 'Forgot to mention ahead of next week - we have 4 cats and a dog. Obviously they're used to being around DC but let me know if this is an issue.'

That way if there are any allergies, or if your friends toddler is scared of dogs, you've given them plenty of notice to change venue.

As someone who is violently allergic to cats I always checked before spending time inside. One cat - I’d load up on piriton. 4, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be coming and would invite you to mine instead.

They’re also really ugly

So are plenty of kids, but I wouldn't question their parents' wish to have them

Yes mention it, but also plan to have the dog in another room. I wouldn’t mind the cats at all but after a dog licked my toddler’s face on a playdate, I am a bit less keen on dogs.

Honestly anyone with allergies would check with you first. My son is extremely allergic to all animal hair and I have to ask this before any play date as it’s just not possible to go to a house with cats/dogs. It’s considerate of you to think of this though.

@Suzi888
This particular dog gets chased around the garden by my rescue hens so don’t think she’d be much threat to anyone. 😂

But of-course I am sensitive to other people’s fears because I know they don’t know my dog and you don’t know what kind of bad experience they may have had in the past.

I have a cat and have never mentioned it but my cat is very shy and scared of children so very unlikely to be visible. If my child had an allergy I would check with the host before sending them around. I would definitely mention the dog because a lot of children are scared. My ds' best friend has a dog but the parents keep it in a separate room when he goes around.

Would it weird to check she’s not allergic to cats or frightened of dogs?

No, that would be a thoughtful thing to do.

If the cats jump on your lap when sitting then it will be fine. Toddlers never sit still😂

Perhaps I should come round and do a test

You’re in the queue behind me @Pixiedust1234

@Staffielove23 you sound lovely and considerate. I hope the playdate goes well.

I wouldn't mention it. Parents will ask about pets if there are any allergies or other concerns. You can keep the dogs away initially and just play it by ear.

Definitely mention it so they can decide. We don't do play dates to households with dogs.

Totally agree with @RampantIvy, it's not weird at all to mention it, it's a kind and considerate thing to do.

One of my best friends is seriously allergic to cats (we have 2 at present) so now I always check if someone new is coming to the house, whatever age they are! Particularly since cats seem to inevitably head towards the person in the room who least likes them.