Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Or is he a complete idiot?

10 replies

pinknod · 04/01/2023 16:35

I have one DS who is 4, with ExDP. We've not been together since DS was a newborn.

Ex lives with his parents and they seem to do the bulk of the childcare. DS goes there Thursday&Friday night (attends childcare during the day). Ex is pretty rubbish.

I have now heard through friends that Ex is moving out to a house in the same town into a three bedroom house with his two friends.

I text him to ask if there was room for DS and what the plan was. He said he was planning on getting a small bed in his room for when DS stays and that he'd be having his old room at his parents' house.

His 26 year old brother still lives at home, so ex could stay with his parents if he wanted to.

Ex and his two mates are prolific weed smokers and I'm sure they'd be smoking inside the house, but I'd like to think they wouldn't when DS was in the house.

I just feel so bad for DS that he'll be on a tiny bed in his dad's room for the foreseeable?

I really feel like kicking off.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Liz1tummypain · 04/01/2023 16:41

Your ex is a prolific weed smoker. That's not a problem? Perhaps your son would be better if he stayed with the ex's parents.

Original poster

pinknod · 04/01/2023 17:34

Liz1tummypain · 04/01/2023 16:41

Your ex is a prolific weed smoker. That's not a problem? Perhaps your son would be better if he stayed with the ex's parents.

It is and has been something I've been dealing with since DS was tiny. That's going on in the background and always has been.

It doesn't seem like ex wants to stay with his parents with DS.

OP posts:

Liz1tummypain · 04/01/2023 19:03

Ok well I think it's safer for your son to be in his parents place than in a house full of cannabis smokers. I would try to keep him with his parents if it were me. In fact I would definitely not let him stay in the house your ex is buying. Seems bordering on neglect. Sorry OP if that's going to be awkward for you.

ICanHideButICantRun · 04/01/2023 19:04

"Either you stay with your parents that night or I'll be calling the police on you and your mates"

19lottie82 · 04/01/2023 19:41

Are you on good terms with your ex’s parents? Could you speak to them?

Paparazzicrap · 04/01/2023 19:55

Even without the smoking, no way my child would be staying overnight in a shared house with strange men!

CalistoNoSolo · 04/01/2023 20:03

Everything about this scenario would give me bad vibes. Weed smoking strange men and a 4yo child is a really bad combo.

Original poster

pinknod · 04/01/2023 20:20

His parents think he is the second coming. There's no way they'll see an issue with it.

OP posts:

Herejustforthisone · 04/01/2023 20:57

I would not be letting my young child stay at a house full of prolific weed smokers, in a house with random adult men, where he has to sleep on a shitty little bed in the corner of his dad’s room. It’s not appropriate.

Do they deal weed as well? If so, there’ll be all sorts of random people turning up, too.

Proteinpudding · 04/01/2023 21:20

The house share aspect you're being unreasonable on - presumably as a single person he's not going to be able to afford his own place, and staying with his parents forever isn't going to be ideal. And sharing a room with dad is safer in a house share. However if weed smoking at the house is going to be an issue I would be encouraging him to have him at his parents, and emphasising the angle that your son has got used to spending lots of time with his grandparents and that it'd be wrong to take that away from him.

Flip