OH no patience with baby

[manchild22]

OH is a right impatient stress ball when it comes to our 8 month old son.

Is it just my OH who is like this? It's Literally as if an 8 month old baby is supposed to never cry, or fuss at a bottle, or take a while to get to sleep and then wake up a few times??

For what it's worth DS is a literal angel. Such a happy content little baby. He is so chilled out and always smiling. Obviously he has is moments but can't really complain.

OH just gets annoyed and worked up over things like:

• DS messing around/getting distracted when having his bottle (which OH rarely has to do as he is mainly BF)

• DS wakes up and doesn't immediately go back off to sleep for him.

• if he cries or makes moaning sounds.

• If he has a little spit up over himself and there's no wipes in reaching range or if he kicks his legs when getting his nappy changed 🙄

I also feel like he doesn't actually like spending time with him or that in fact he actually even likes him sometimes. Some examples:

• never says goodnight to him
• never says goodbye or kiss him goodbye even if he does it to me while I'm holding ds.
• Bath times are quickest baths I've ever seen (DS loves playing in the bath)
• never randomly picks him up to cuddle him or just be with him.
• will only really

Make effort to play with him while I go for a shower but only until he starts moaning.

I'm probably over reacting but a lot of the time I feel like to him our DS is just an inconvenience.

He just gets to really stroppy over things like the listed above and starts stomping around, making nasty comments, like over dramatic pissed off like a bloody man child. I just cba with it. Puts me right off him.

Especially when he has been at work all day so it's the first time he has actually interacted with DS and it's just him moaning at him over nothing.

Rant over

*parenting

You need to start dealing with this now as it won't be too long before your partner's behaviour starts to have adverse affects on your ds.

Your partner needs some help - someone to talk things through with, initially, as it's clear there's a lot of negativity and no child should be growing up in this.

For those saying it doesn’t exist post natal depression in men is a thing and it’s those sort of attitudes that push men to their limits! it’s not hormonal like it is with women but the change a baby brings can lead men to struggle too.

that said he is showing a lot of red flags. I would definitely talk to him and get some help with potential depression or anxiety.

how was he during the pregnancy was he excited did he get involved buying things etc

all that said if things don’t change you need to step away for the sake of yourself and your child.

that said he is showing a lot of red flags

why try and minimise it then ?

Maybe he needs more sole charge with the baby. Taking over and not letting him get on with it actually makes things worse. Be unavailable when he's looking after the baby rather than listening in.

The thing of getting home after being out at work all day and immediately huffing and puffing and losing patience is a common theme. Sometimes the less time men (probably women too) spend with babies, the less patience they have.

All you can do is keep communication open. It's ok for him to find the baby tedious at times. I'm sure most parents sometimes feel they need a break from a child or wish they'd wake up less etc. Accept his feelings. Things will probably improve with time as the baby gets more of a personality.

It’s because he’s jealous of the baby. Before baby was born I bet your DH had your sole attention, and you went out and did nice things together, had plenty of sex, lie ins, holidays, etc. Now he has none of that. You looked like a supermodel and now your hair is in a bun and you’re wearing puke as a fashion accessory. He’s missing his old life when he was the precious little boy.

I wasn’t trying to maybe red flags was the wrong term to use

but if a man posted this and it was about his partner what would you say?

I would at least consider that a woman could have PND and that was a major influence on her behaviour

Men ? Nope.

Post natal depression. Is a type of depression.

You don't think men can also have depression? That's what it boils down to. Doesn't really make a difference what type it is.

I think post natal depression as a distinct entity is confined only to the sex that carries a baby.

Otherwise known as postpartum depression. Partum means “post childbirth”. Only women give birth.

He should try to engage with some dad support groups

You f* off with the hate speech! Yes women have massive hormonal changes and can obviously suffer PND however it's well proven men also have hormonal changes and a percentage do get PND. It's a very valid question to have been asked, do not dismiss it both for the sake of males who are suffering (large cause of male death is suicide some from untreated PND) and also the safety of their children

@AnyFucker

id read up if I was you.

Tommys is a good place to start. 1 in 10 men suffer.

Probably get flamed for this but there can be little joy with babies
everyone’s different some adore the baby stage others love the toddler stage where they start becoming a little person then the interactive stage when you can start doing things with them

I was told it just means depression in the first year of the babies life. So men can get it.

Poor baby. I wouldn't have him in my life if he behaved that way. Awful man.

No need to be so rude. You may dislike the use of the ‘N’ because it refers to ‘natal’ but the acronym is used widely enough that the poster you replied to doesn’t deserve such an aggressive response when they were trying, in good faith, to offer help. PND in men

Ffs, never mind whether or not men can have “PND” (Christ, is there nothing they can’t take over?)..
The reality is this man is not treating his baby well, or his daughter and his partner. So giving what if some symptoms of depression exist in men post a woman having their child (another name for that could be having their ego bruised but that’s another story), this baby doesn’t need someone to make its life worse by huffing or getting angry IF IT KICKED ITS LEGS while having a nappy changed.
let me tell you, I have one dead DD and one seriously disabled DD (at 5, still in “nappies “). My DH is very far from perfect but when she couldn’t move AT ALL post birth, the fear was all mine: how would I cope etc. DH went ahead setting up his business .. He dealt with disappointment and fear and worrying about her and me but still didn’t huff about the inevitable nappies.
Now she can move, she’s about a 7 month old old in moving: if he ever got frustrated, even once, I’d be walking him to anywhere that wasn’t my home.

Are you ok op? Did your OH seem excited during your pregnancy?

He may be finding it hard but from what you've said, I would not leave the child unsupervised with him. A moment where these feelings boil over could lead to a lifetime of loss. It's your choice whether you want to pursue the relationship but I'm the meantime I would not ask anything of him and leave/get him to leave it your uneasiness continues.

Yeah I'm fine thanks. Yes he was excited through the pregnancy but he has done it before so probably not as excited as me.

I didn't mean to paint him as a monster on my post. Like I've said I have no worries over him being a danger to DS in the slightest. He doesn't get angry or shout or get physical or anything like that.

I just wish sometimes he would have more patience before then getting the ump and acting like a child about it. It's not every single time, sometimes less patience than other days - i.e. stressful day at work and I think it boils down to that he cba to do the boring stuff tbh so when it takes that little bit longer he just wants to give up with it. When none of that needs to be done he is great with him and will sit and play ect.

He has always said he found the best age to be 2/3 + so I'm guessing he is not to keen on the baby stages.

I spoke to my oh about it all yesterday.

I have taken a step back with DSD as I felt I was doing to much.

It’s good you stepped back and didn’t become default parent.

What was his reaction to this? Could he be trying to punish you?

What’s his plan for DSD when you go back to work?

He's a risk to your baby and I wouldn't leave them alone. I'd ask him to speak to his gp incase it's depression or I'd mention it your hv. At 8 months babies aren't particularly challenging and if anything start to sit up, may be on the move and you see more of their little personality coming out. You've already said your baby is easy enough. I think an adult getting frustrated at a baby is always a warning sign and would be concerned. Don't minimise it, seek help.