Has my neighbour got an issue with me?

[clovatt1991]

Hi folks,

I have lived in my property for 6 years with my husband. We now live with our newborn baby. The building holds 5 other residents. Me and my neigbour across the landing have our own private gardens to the front of the building whilst the other 4 residents have their own private gardens at the back of the building along with a shared communal area for drying clothes (something we do not use as we prefer our private garden and keep ourselves to ourselves). We live on the ground floor and we feel one of the neighbours (woman who is unemployed and claims to have arthritis and her boyfriend who works in security so works a lot) on the top floor (who have lived there for a year and is temporary accommodation) have an issue with us. Please note my husband and I take absolutely nothing to do with the back garden (we have been out in it once years ago)

• They take out the middle residents and top resident’s bins out every week (not ours or our neighbour across the landing as they would need a key for access) and complain how no-one else does it.
• they stand at our door shouting ‘oh it’s me taking the bins out again’ - no one asks for them to do this.
• they always look in our baby’s bedroom window (where they keep their bin outside our baby’s window)
• they have sent us (only us) a bin collection dates calendar and now recently they take the bins onto the road (not pavement) so takes up a parking space on the street.
• they have contacted me saying that ‘our side’ of the back shared garden needs a gardener or to borrow our lawnmower although my title deeds state that it’s a shared back garden therefore all 6 residents would need to seek this, not just individuals on one side of the building. We do not let anyone use our lawnmower as our previous neighbour damaged our 3 previous ones and we have to buy new ones each time - we just lawnmower our own private garden.
• when they receive a voicemail they constantly ask me to go up and listen to it (despite having major surgery c section) and don’t ask anyone else in the building.

My husband and I take our bin out and collect our bin only. My husband takes the bin is as soon as it’s been emptied by the bin men as this is usually done during his working day from home whilst I am looking after our baby.

Are we looking too much into this?

thanks everyone x

Knock and have it out with them politely and tell them you Are not paying for a gardener as the garden is for the other residents. X

Since you don't detail a she Nile conversation you've had about any of this it sounds more like they're unclear on the setup than like they have so merging against you.

*a single, not she Nile!

*anything, not so merging!

Why don't you think she has arthritis?

They sound a bit unhinged from what you have written!

Surely the taking bins out is there own choice? And the shouting about it is directed at people who aren't taking bins out at all?

They take out the middle residents and top resident’s bins out every week (not ours or our neighbour across the landing as they would need a key for access) and complain how no-one else does it.

So, they don’t take your bin out because they can’t access your bin? Why would that indicate that she has an issue with you?

they stand at our door shouting ‘oh it’s me taking the bins out again’ - no one asks for them to do this.

This clearly isn’t aimed at you because they don’t take your bin out and can’t access your bin.

they always look in our baby’s bedroom window (where they keep their bin outside our baby’s window)

They’re probably looking at their own reflection in the glass tbh.

they have sent us (only us) a bin collection dates calendar and now recently they take the bins onto the road (not pavement) so takes up a parking space on the street.

So? They take everyone else’s bins so no need to give them the schedule. Maybe they wanted to ensure you don’t miss a day (they ensure no one else does by taking their bins). If people miss a week in a communal building then it stinks for everyone.

they have contacted me saying that ‘our side’ of the back shared garden needs a gardener or to borrow our lawnmower although my title deeds state that it’s a shared back garden therefore all 6 residents would need to seek this, not just individuals on one side of the building.

So, you are neglecting your obligation to jointly maintain the back garden? You previously said that all the gardens were private and yours is at the front so this doesn’t add up. If you mean the clothes drying part, you still have to contribute to maintaining it whether you choose to use it or not.

We do not let anyone use our lawnmower as our previous neighbour damaged our 3 previous ones and we have to buy new ones each time - we just lawnmower our own private garden.

How is this relevant to your point?

when they receive a voicemail they constantly ask me to go up and listen to it (despite having major surgery c section) and don’t ask anyone else in the building.

What’s the context for this?

Sounds more like you have a problem with her than that she has a problem with you.

The listening to voicemails is bizarre, please don't say you agree to it?

Sorry if people think I have an issue with this neighbour - I really don’t! I just fail to understand. I have spoken to this neighbour who definitely does have an issue with someone else in the building (girl in a domestic violence relationship, currently investigated) and the neigbour in question dislikes the DV girl and has complained to me when I have spoken to her calling her a ‘tramp’ etc but takes her bin out

I would just get on with your life and let them do the same, if she has got a problem it's not your problem and if she doesn't it was nothing.

When you lent your old neighbour the third lawnmower you must have been feeling nervous.

Why do they need you to listen to voicemails?
Have you tried saying you're busy and suggest they ask someone else?

Keep to yourselves

Too much drama and you're not really being clear on what the issue is or why you think she has a problem with you. Why are any of you taking other people's bins out anyway? Shouldn't you all be doing your own? And yes, from what you described the back shared area will probably have shared obligations that you all look after it regardless if you don't use it.

First things first OP: I also want to know how your former neighbour managed to break three lawnmowers?

As to the neighbour: it's hard to be 100% definite from what you have described. The bin stuff seems a bit odd but it's hard to tell whether there's any intentional wind-up from your description. The voicemail thing is odder - why on earth is she asking you to listen to her voicemails??? The biggest warning sign for me is her being mean about the DV victim to you: if anyone is prepared to badmouth strangers to me, I take that as a strong negative signal as to the badmouther's character.

You are clearly picking up weirdness. My inclination with potentially problematic neighbours/locals is to remain polite, but not engage any more closely than I have to.

That being said, it does sound like there is a potential obligation issue re the shared area in the back. If you did want to do something about that, I'd recommend that it was very well-defined and bounded so you're not having to deal with the weirdness.

One idea would be for your husband (not you, given your recent C-section!) to volunteer to do the mowing as your part of maintaining the space, assuming it's not too large? I know you don't use that area, but a fortnightly mow would allow you to say that you're doing your bit and avoid getting drawn into some kind of more complex, open-ended interaction involving negotiation over gardeners etc.

But please can you give us a bit more backstory on the lawnmowers?

Apologies OP you lost any empathy I might have had found when you wrote "claims to have arthritis".

However, because I am of a saintly disposition & immense nobility, I have assessed all your bullet points & can address each one of them for you:

• Every single point can be fixed by you & DH blithely ignoring your daft neighbours.

Genuinely (ok, with some snark, but you asked for it with the disablist opening remark) - nothing they are wittering about is enforceable. Just stop responding with anything other than Grey Rock bland dismissal, & FFS stop going to listen to the neighbours' voicemail & then acting wounded about it, as if you have no ability to say "no thanks, I don't need to hear your messages".

Are we looking too much into this?
Well done, you're finally getting there. Yes.

Do you want this to be your home, or the set of a soap opera?

If you WERE to pay any attention to anything going on on your neighbours' lives, it could have been the girl woman in the DV relationship. (btw if she's actually a girl it's not just DV, it's an underage sexual offence too, surely?)

But instead you are more focused on who's doing what with bins, sneering at somebody's unemployed status, & insinuating that they are inventing a painful & debilitating medical condition.

No further advice to offer, except wind your neck in, stop being paranoid, & vex me no further with spiteful speculations on the veracity of your neighbour's arthritis.

Maybe be a bit more community minded? Or stop moaning about being left out.

one or t”other.

This is like a plot line from the world’s weirdest soap. None of this is an issue or makes much sense. What do this couple’s employment status, health conditions or temporary/permanent habitation of the flat have to do with the bins? Ignore them. Contribute to maintenance of your shared garden. Stop listening to their voicemails.

Woman who is unemployed and claims to have arthritis
And yet another person who claims to know whether or not a person has a disability just by looking at them.